Thanks for stopping by today. I know it's how many of you check in on me since I'm not really answering my cell yet. ; ) Writing is the best way right now for me to communicate.
This past week since Z and I have been out more, I have been running into people I don't know well but who also knew I was pregnant. Since they haven't seen me lately, they just assume that I have had Reese and everything is going well. They are sweet enough to ask the usual questions someone would ask. No one expects my answer. I knew it would happen, and it's ok. I may put on a brave face as I talk, but trust me, I lose it when I walk away and get into my car. GOD's grace truly covers me.
I love talking about Reese, it just catches me off guard to tell people who do not know we have lost her. She is anything but lost, I know, but that's just how I feel right now.
I am amazed when receive an email or read a comment about how GOD puts me on your heart as you go about the little tasks throughout your day. As you take care of your newborns or play with your babies. Thank you for responding to Him. Thank you for giving that extra kiss or hug to your child because you know I cannot give Reese that kiss or hug. Thank you for praying for me when I feel like I cannot. Right now it's all those little things...putting bows and headbands in Reese's hair, hearing her newborn noises, getting to know her personality that I miss desperately.
I take such comfort in sitting out on my deck when Z takes a nap each afternoon, listening to the beautiful songs people recommend to me. The Godly words calm my heart and soothe my soul. Even though letting Reese go was the hardest thing we have ever done, I have never felt so close to my Saviour. Never in my life felt Him so near.
This doesn't mean I don't get mad or upset. I will always have questions, but I know GOD wants my honest feelings. He knows them anyway. ; ) He can handle my thoughts and anything I say to Him. My heart can be breaking, yet I can thank Him at the same time for His faithfulness and guidance. Oh, He is so faithful. He is good to bring me back to His comfort, His peace at each aching moment.
I have tried to thank several of you for sharing different stories with me about how GOD is leading you to pray for us, but some of you are hard to find. Maybe you don't want to be found. ; )
I have some adorable pics of Z from our weekend, and I'll share them later this week. Thank you for loving on me and praying us through each day.