Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Sneak Peak

The sweet ladies at www.twiceasnicelettering.etsy.com made this vinyl verse for baby boy's nursery. Thank you!

I am excited to get his nursery going. ; )

My hot hubby putting it on the wall. I am so proud of him. ; ) I love it!

I chose this verse because it's a wonderful description of how GOD made Reese's life beautiful and is also abundantly blessing us through this little one. As a dear friend emailed, "He is not slow in keeping His promises because He who promised is faithful." I love that this is one of the first things that catches your eye when you walk into his nursery.

We are keeping the wall paint color and chair the same as we had with Reese. They are both a pretty yellow. Bright and cheerful. Zach's room is all blue and brown, so I wanted to do something different.

We're so thankful and humbled that GOD is allowing us to have another baby. We don't have to put the crib away, we don't have to make the nursery into another room and we are able to incorporate Reese's sweet memory into the nursery just as we do in our daily lives. My hands are itching to get everything ready for him, but I'm taking it one step at a time. ; )

In case you were wondering about our hog friend (of course you are!), he now travels with us.
Deflated, of course.
Jason started this, not me. ; )

...Trust yourself to the GOD who made you, for He will never fail you.

1 Peter 4:19

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Finally Warm Sun ; )

My Bible study group met this week at a park to enjoy the sunshine. Who knows how many kids we all have among us!
Most of the group...we look like a force to be reckoned with. ; )
Janet, Shari, KC, & Mel (she has triplets...I love her stories)

Me, Elli, Tif, & Carrie (she is due soon with her third little boy)

Zach was too busy running around to stop for a picture. He's so brave on those high slides!

Hillary and Jenny came to see me this weekend. I have known Hil since HS (we were also roommates at Baylor) and Jenny all of my life. I enjoyed every second with them. These girls know me inside and out and still love me. ; ) Thanks, girls.
Jason went camping this weekend, so Z was the man of the house. Ha! Thank you, Lord, for warm sunshine and sweet friends.

The LORD lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

Numbers 6:26

Thursday, March 25, 2010


I love what Angie Smith wrote (Jan. 6 post) concerning being pregnant with Charlotte yet missing Audrey. She said, "It is joyful, wonderful, amazing, and we are praising the Lord, but Audrey is still Audrey."

As I read this I said to myself, "There it is. This is how I feel. She gets it because she's been where I am." We are overjoyed about this new life, yet Reese is still Reese. She "should" be here. It's all still so fresh. She is still our daughter. We will always miss her and wish she was here on earth with us.

After Reese went to Heaven, a friend told me to look at any future babies as gifts from her. I love this! It's exactly how I see this little boy growing inside me. If it wasn't for Reese's short life, this same baby would only be a thought.

Whenever my mind drifts to any confusion concerning Reese, the "Why isn't she here?" and "What ifs," GOD allows me to feel this baby moving inside me immediately. Really! It's amazing.

This doesn't happen just when I'm crying or having a difficult day over missing Reese. It happens right when my thoughts start to drift somewhere I'm guessing the LORD just doesn't want me to go, so He allows me to get a swift kick in the belly. Such a sweet gentle kick (or punch) though. Thank you, LORD, for protecting me from negative thoughts. They are always a little too close.

Thank you for remembering Reese with us and rejoicing with us about our new baby boy. As someone recently emailed me, "I am so thankful that God has given you and Jason another baby to love and cherish. Though the love you have for Reese will never fade, it has been my prayer that your new son will be a kindred spirit of her for you three."

Life from death. GOD and Reese's gift to us.

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face shine upon us, that Your ways may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations.

Psalm 67:1-2

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Reese's Name Gallery #17

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness. Your sweet comments and emails. Each one of them has touched my life in a special way, and please know I truly take every word to heart. As I'm discovering, grief is such an unknown path, and your positive words mean a lot.

Some days I'm upset because life seems too "normal," then the next day I think everyone has forgotten about Reese and our pain. I can go from being so thankful for what we do have to feeling guilty over others' losses in their lives. I know I've missed out on so much of my friends' and families' lives these past seven months, but I also don't feel I have that much to give.

Balance. Boundaries. Learning more about myself and life than I ever wanted to. Seeing GOD's sufficient hand through it all - on good and hard days.

This verse popped out from the page the other day, "...encouraging you...this is the true grace of GOD. Take your stand in it!" 1 Peter 5:12

Today I'm taking the stand in believing our baby boy will be healthy, whole, and complete. The further along I get the more anxious I am becoming.

Thank you for encouraging me in the true grace of GOD.

More beautiful and creative pictures for Reese's name gallery ~

A high school friend made this. Isn't it precious?
Alphabet spaghettios
Letter blocks
Refrigerator magnets with Reese's birthday
Turtle bib

It's Zach's spring break this week, so my goal is to catch up on emails. We'll see how well I do. ; )

...everyone called by My name and created for My glory. I have formed him; indeed, I have made him.

Isaiah 43:7

Sunday, March 21, 2010

More Snow!

A few warm days lately have teased me too much! So much for spring, but I'm still holding out hope it's coming soon.
Jason and Z tried to take a little ride, but the snow in their faces hurt too much.
Z still had a good time throwing snowballs at us. Can you believe how deep this snow is!?
Z looks like he is going to wipe off his car and go somewhere. So serious. ; )
A little snowy picture someone sent us for Reese's name gallery. Warms my heart on this cold day.

As the rain and the snow come down from Heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth...so is My word that goes out from My mouth: It will not return to Me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah 55:10-11

Friday, March 19, 2010

Just Bein' Silly

I LOVE it when Zach has his hair back (which is never). Sometimes his hair gets a little too long for me in the front, so I'm always sweeping it over to one side. I really want to cut his hair short for spring and summer, but Jason firmly say NO (because of his hairline). I'm a little scared just to do it on my own. I know, crazy! Anyone on my side?
I'm sure you're wondering about these pictures. Somehow Z managed to come home with this mask (THANKS Uncle Cody) after we went to see Westin, and he loves it. Sometimes it bothers his face, so I lift it up on his forehead. He likes it there, too, so it works. Hilarious.
Complete with sucker and sticky mouth. I can't help but laugh.

I think I take so many pictures of Z in the car because this is the only time he sits still. ; )

A little story I always want to remember...the other night I was rocking Zach before bedtime. Usually Jason puts him to bed but Z wanted me to, so I was not about to pass on this sweet time. As I was rocking him, we sang "Jesus Loves Me" together. Then he wanted me to sing "Head Shoulders Knees & Toes." Then Beyonce's "Single Ladies" (Put a Ring on it). Yes, really. He loves the chorus. Then back to the more age-appropriate "ABC" song.

I love this stage.

I'm really missing Reese today. As much as I adore seeing her pictures, they're painful reminders to me lately of what beauty we held for two days but not anymore. Thank GOD His promises are true. One day we'll hold her again, and I won't ever have to let go.

Now the GOD of all grace...will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered...

1 Peter 5:10

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Thank you so much for entering my giveaway.
Random.org chose Anna. ; )

Anna said...
Oh my goodness! My dear friend just lost her baby at 24 weeks. (On FEB. 2nd) I've been thinking of a perfect gift for her---I JUST FOUND IT! These are beautiful!
Congrats, Anna!

Oh wow, how blessed I was just reading about your (or your friend's) little ones who are already in Heaven. Thank you, thank you for sharing their names and something special about them. What an honor to be introduced to some of Reese's playmates and their sweet moms.

Whether it's from miscarriage, a born still little one, or a baby like Reese born with complications, we all share deep loss. Unimaginable pain. I pray the LORD fills your empty and broken places as He is daily working in mine. He is the perfect Healer for our hearts.

Of course there is only one winner for Lisa's giveaway (but as I read about your little ones I wished so badly there was some way all of you could win one), but remember Mother's Day is around the corner (hint hint to your friends or hubbies!). Lisa has the "Marked by Love" necklace on her website under "inspired necklaces."

GOD is good to remind me that this pain is not all my own. I feel alone so many days. I'm grieved for any mom or dad who has let go their child go, and it's a hard reality in our earthly lives.

Thank you for sharing your hearts so openly about your children and loving Jesus despite your pain. I couldn't agree more with a friend who said her baby Emma "stirred a passion in me that I pray I will never lose." From your words this is true for many of you.
Reese has stirred a passion in me, too.

GOD raised Him up, ending the pains of death, because it was not possible for Him to be held by it.

Acts 2:24

Monday, March 15, 2010

Go Hogs Go?

It may a little early, but Zach is getting fired up about Razorback football. Or maybe it's baseball...
Why would he be this excited while he eats breakfast!?
This is why. Some two year olds eat breakfast with their families or watch a cartoon in the morning, but Zach likes to watch his hog. Doing what I have no idea. "Watch hog watch hog!" he says. Doesn't everyone have a blow-up pig in their house? Anyone want this one? Ha!

Jason bought this last fall at Wal-mart, and it's been a hit lately. At first Z was afraid of it, but now they're best buds.
Easily pleased...sometimes. ; )

Jason and I are a little behind on the Great Date Experiment, but we'll catch up. Hope you all have been able to check it out. It's worth it and fun to do!

The giveaway ends tomorrow, so please don't forget to comment on my last post if you would like to enter yourself or a friend. ; )

...for whoever touches you touches the apple of His eye.

Zechariah 2:8

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Lisa Leonard Giveaway

What a perfect day for a giveaway! Not only can we celebrate those sweet moms who have a baby (or babies) in Heaven, I am honoring Reese's seven months with Jesus.

Lisa would like to give away ONE of these amazing necklaces to a mom who has a child in Heaven. It's called "Marked by Love." Isn't it beautiful? Get excited and blessed!
Lisa sent me one as a gift, and I will cherish it always. I love wearing jewelry that reminds me of Reese. ; ) So special. Thank you, Lisa!

Rules to enter ~

1. Please leave a comment telling me your precious child's name and something special about her or him.

2. You may also enter if you would like to give this necklace as a gift to a friend who has lost a baby. Please leave this child's name in your comment.

3. Include your email.

4. This giveaway will end Tuesday, March 16 at 1 pm.

That's all! Easy. ; )

I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.

Isaiah 49:16

Thursday, March 11, 2010


Z and I had to check on our little ducks throughout the winter. ; ) I was surprised to see these brave (or crazy) ducks standing on the frozen pond.
I call these ducks our little "gossip group." They're hilarious! They are always together and run up to us like they have some juicy news to share. I've missed laughing at them.
After Bible study Tuesday Zach and I fed the ducks for the first time this year. We even saw new little baby ducks. We drove by Reese's garden first and had such a sweet moment. He said, "Reese...Heaven." My heart swelled by his tenderness. I looked backed at his peaceful little face and said, "Ah, yes Zach, Reese is in Heaven." Then just as quickly he demanded, "Feed ducks NOW." The moment had passed, and I couldn't help but smile. My boy.
It felt so good to be back...although I'm not sure what the ducks thought as they were running for their lives. ; )
Spring is coming. ; )

Reese, you would be seven months old today. We love you and miss you so much. Thank you for being our daughter and bringing so much beauty into our lives.

...He turned the curse into a blessing for you because the Lord your GOD loves you.

Deuteronomy 23:5

Tuesday, March 9, 2010


**I bought the big frames from my last post at War Eagle (a big craft fair in NWA every fall). The booth does not have a website, or I would be happy to pass it on. They are one of my favorite finds. ; )

I love the song "How Deep the Father's Love for Us." This line always stands out to me..."How great the pain of searing loss..."

Some days my heart is so heavy. Other days I'm lighthearted but always aching to have Reese with us. In our arms and in our home. Almost seven months old. Life really does go on.

I hear moms around me talking of their little baby girls, and how I long for this. I am very torn and weary living in this constant battle of missing Reese, caring for Zach (and loving it!), and being joyful over this new little one.

Since Reese went to Heaven, I have been surprised by the countless feelings that accompany grief. Although we've never experienced anything as devastating as losing a baby, I still never expected some of the emotions I have. Some are brutal attacks from Satan, while others bless my heart and soul.

I can be having a good morning and walk by a banner at church for the Father/Daughter date night this month. Thoughts hit me how Jason and Reese will never be able to do things like this. He was so good with her.

Realities like this knock me over like a punch to my head, leaving me feeling resentful and crushed. Defeated. I know this is not from the LORD, but I'm always so thankful He understands my heart and loves me anyway. He carries me through my darkest and happiest moments.
Lately I've been sorting through the fact that I am a mother to three children. Obviously Zach is our son on earth whom we love and adore. He depends on us for his every need (and demand!), and it is our desire to raise him in a family who loves Jesus and honors GOD.

Then we have our sweet Reese. Although she is not here, she is very fluid in our lives and just as real to us as Zach. Reese's life is not something I can nicely put in a box and get her out when I want to sift through things. I would never want to do this anyway! She is our daughter, and I still have to "tend" to her.

Right now tending to her life means many things. It's talking about her. Writing about her. Organizing her pictures in albums. Printing off emails from people telling me how GOD is using Reese in their lives. She lives on through precious people who have changed hearts because of her two short days on this earth.

I also tend to Reese by taking care of myself. Setting boundaries of what I can and cannot handle. Being easy on myself because I am her mother, and the full depth of our loss will never go away. I carried her, felt her grow and move inside me and delivered her.

Something very important to me is leaving her legacy for Zach and her younger brother to know what kind of sister they have.

I want Zach to know (when he is older) if it weren't for him I'm scared to think of how I would be. Without him around, it's easy for my mind to go to a dark place of doubts, questions about Reese, insecurities, hopelessness. A place I do not want to be yet even when I'm there, GOD meets me.

I want Reese's younger brother to know that GOD has a special purpose for him. He would not be here if it weren't for her life. I want him to feel secure in our family because of GOD's plan and perfect love.
Now I have another little boy inside of me. Baby #3. I cannot wait until he arrives! Although I'm in no hurry. ; ) My prayers involve a full term healthy baby boy.

Daily he is growing inside me, taking from me what he needs, moving around at a rapid pace. My body feels him as sometimes I have lots of energy, and other times I'm not sure where my strength went. ; ) I must take care of myself for him and prepare for his arrival.

Half way there. ; )

It's no secret how I dread with everything inside of me going through Reese's closet and putting her things away. I've had offers to help, but I need to do this for me. I hate that to make room for our next little guy I have to put away Reese's things. It's so unfair to him, but I also think it's part of my healing. More despair and joy mixed together. There's just no easy way in healing.

Jason and I know we are so blessed despite what has happened to us. Sometimes it's difficult to look beyond the pain to see what we truly do have. Some days I just don't want to. Thank you GOD that You sit with me as I struggle through tears and thankfulness at the same time.

I feel your prayers so strongly. I do believe this pregnancy and delivery will be different, but I also know where we have been with Reese. We've already let one of our babies go. We realize how fragile life is because we've had to.

We are humbled and thankful for all of our children. My prayer is that I'll be the mom they need me to be. Who GOD wants me to be.

Praise GOD this is not our home. We are on our way there, and no pain or heartache await us. Only celebration. I will spend eternity with Jesus...and do all of my catching up with Reese. ; )

The death of His faithful ones is valuable in the LORD's sight.

Psalm 116:15

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