Thursday, March 25, 2010

Kindred

I love what Angie Smith wrote (Jan. 6 post) concerning being pregnant with Charlotte yet missing Audrey. She said, "It is joyful, wonderful, amazing, and we are praising the Lord, but Audrey is still Audrey."

As I read this I said to myself, "There it is. This is how I feel. She gets it because she's been where I am." We are overjoyed about this new life, yet Reese is still Reese. She "should" be here. It's all still so fresh. She is still our daughter. We will always miss her and wish she was here on earth with us.

After Reese went to Heaven, a friend told me to look at any future babies as gifts from her. I love this! It's exactly how I see this little boy growing inside me. If it wasn't for Reese's short life, this same baby would only be a thought.

Whenever my mind drifts to any confusion concerning Reese, the "Why isn't she here?" and "What ifs," GOD allows me to feel this baby moving inside me immediately. Really! It's amazing.

This doesn't happen just when I'm crying or having a difficult day over missing Reese. It happens right when my thoughts start to drift somewhere I'm guessing the LORD just doesn't want me to go, so He allows me to get a swift kick in the belly. Such a sweet gentle kick (or punch) though. Thank you, LORD, for protecting me from negative thoughts. They are always a little too close.

Thank you for remembering Reese with us and rejoicing with us about our new baby boy. As someone recently emailed me, "I am so thankful that God has given you and Jason another baby to love and cherish. Though the love you have for Reese will never fade, it has been my prayer that your new son will be a kindred spirit of her for you three."

Life from death. GOD and Reese's gift to us.


May God be gracious to us and bless us and make His face shine upon us, that Your ways may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations.

Psalm 67:1-2

29 comments:

Kathryn said...

I felt the same way when I was pregnant with Parker, and then especially with Morgan as she was another girl. No one would replace Madison in my heart, but I was joyful to be having another baby...I'm still praying you through this pregnancy...

Todd and Courtney said...

I love that last picture. She is so perfect.

Summer said...

She is just so beautiful and so perfect Katie! I love seeing pictures of Reese!

Praying as always
Summer :0)

Mandy said...

So beautifully said once again! As I told you Tuesday, I think of Reese, and it makes me smile. I love you so much!

Linds said...

Such sweet thoughts. I have a friend who miscarried her first child, and she has said the same thing to me regarding her daughter. Sometimes I think we will be in awe when we get to Heaven and will be able to see the intricate web that God has woven for us; one of sorrow but of joy, and all woven to bring Glory to His name! God was praised in Reese's life and death, and he will be praised at the new life inside of you, and will be praised for things we have yet to know to happen. Your family is being used greatly, and all through the life of a small one who will never know the impact she has had. You are such an encouragement to me Katie-- thank you for being so strong and for being willing to share your journey with all of us!

Jodi Lansink said...

I feel the same way right now too! This new little life will never replace Jillian, but she will be because of Jillian! I don't think anyone that has not gone through this can fully understand what our babies mean to us. They will ALWAYS be a part of our family, and these new additions are because of them---I love that! :)

Mary said...

I love that picture! She is precious. Praying that little man keeps kicking at just the right time!

the osbornes said...

Katie, I can't even imagine how conflicting your feelings must be sometimes. It is really so incredible to think that your precious baby boy is really here because of Reese, though of course in no way replacing her. On a much smaller level, I have the same thoughts regarding the baby that I miscarried before getting pregnant with this little bundle. God certainly has a plan in it all, even though it can be really difficult for any of us to fully understand!

We think of you & Jason often! Hope to see you soon!

Deciduous Heather said...

It was a beautiful sunny morning here in NC. As I was walking into school this morning a lady bug landed on my arm, and I immediately thought of your sweet Reese. Something so simple and beautiful. :) I just wanted you to know.
Heather in NC

Sara said...

You have such a great way with words!

She is just beautiful in every picture - perfection!

writing4612 said...

Hang in there...

hi-d said...

I can't imagine what you are going through...thanks for sharing your heart. You remain in my thoughts & prayers...

oliviasmommy07 said...

Do you guys have any names picked out yet??
You are such a blessing and inspiration!

amy said...

Beautifully written... I felt the same way after losing our Bailey...we would have never had Caleb...bittersweet...I know one day I will see our sweet baby again but I am so thankful God sent us Caleb!
Love the pictures of Reese...praying for you still...

Brittany said...

She was a gift that keeps on giving... a gift that reminds you of God's love; a gift that has given a new life growing inside of you; and a gift of wonderful memories that will never fade and so much more!

By the way, any names for the new little one, yet?

jessica said...

you always say it so well. i often pray that God and Wyatt will work together to send us the most precious blessing. i hope that while you desperately miss Reese, you can find hope in knowing that God knows just what you need. this precious baby boy is perfect...in every way. he will never replace Reese, but I believe he will help restore you. i am missing Reese with you. love you always.

Taylor Made said...

You know, after I lost Addison, and then became pregnant with the twins, I would talk to her and God and say, Addison, kiss these babies before they leave Heaven so I know you are a part of them. When they were born, what was the first thing I saw???? Lucy has a little birthmark on her forehead and Lily has one on her back. They are little and very pale, but I see them as kisses from their big sister before they left Heaven...sweet reminders.

Karen said...

Hi Katie, such a beautiful post. Your strength and grace is always so humbling. Reese will always remain in my prayers, she is truly one of God's precious angels.

Karen

Lea said...

Katie - so perfectly put. I remember feeling the exact same when pregnant with our "rainbow".... I like the idea of those gentle nudges from within being a sign from our Angel babies....

Thinking of you. It's a rollercoaster!

Brainless said...

I follow you but never comment. I have no idea of your pain being taht I am single and childless. I cannot even imagine your pain, but your unending faith and strength inspire me beyond belief. You and your family are amazing! I love following your story and I am so excited for new babys arrival :)

thoughts of a beggar said...

beautiful words, katie.

also, have you and jason decided on a name for this precious new boy??

Becky said...

Your little boy will be a totally unique little person - so perfectly woven by the Master Weaver. I love looking at how He wove Reese - those little tufts of soft brown hair and sweet baby wrinkles. The triplets had their birthday this month. If they had been born on their actual due date, another little person would have followed soon behind - four four year olds.... Some days are still more poignant than others.

Wendy said...

So amazing! Every single bit of this post just blew me away! Always keeping you in our prayers...all the way from Ohio! :)

Heather said...

I always love reading how God is moving in your life and your family. How amazing to feel those kicks and know they have an even deeper significance. Praying for you!

Dawnette said...

Praising God for His gentle kicks and nudges. His timing is always perfect. Thank you for being a spirit who can recognize when God is speaking to you. May you continue to feel His love and romance each day.

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Fabiola said...

I am praying for you and the little one every day. Reese will always be your little princess and angel.

Brandi said...

When I miscarried, I always thought the same thing. So bittersweet. You are always in my thoughts and prayers several times a day. I can't wait to see what you name your precious boy.

Me said...

Not sure if you have ever heard this poem but I thought I would share...
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while
The gift of life to be returned
We think of you and smile
A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place

With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time he gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care
Held in the Everlasting Arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad your there

With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came

 
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