Thursday, September 24, 2009

Home

We're back! Jason and I took a little trip with some friends for a few days. The internet access was limited, so now I’m trying to catch up a bit. ; )

We had a wonderful time. I felt completely comfortable and didn’t have to put on a brave face when I was upset or just wanted to be quiet. I missed Z like crazy! I’ll post some pics this weekend.

My heart is so full. This week I realized more than ever that Jason and I are walking “Hurts.” I know many people are. I am grateful to have friends who are walking hurt with us.

I feel “light” at times just to go to a deep anguish no human should have to feel. I know good is coming from Reese’s life. I hold onto that. I am incredibly blessed by those who share with me how she has influenced and changed you. My mind never imagined Reese’s influence to go beyond my family and close friends, and it’s up to GOD however He decides to use her precious life. I know she has forever changed me.

Reese has been in Heaven for six weeks. I’ve said this before, but thank you for choosing to be with us. You do not have to read my words, but you do. Putting a piece of my heart on our blog hopefully helps our friends and family know where we are and how to pray for us.

When I cannot pray, I know and feel someone praying.

When I am crying, I know someone is crying with me.

When I need encouragement, I receive a card in the mail, an email, a text, or a phone call.

When I feel weak, someone is praying for my strength (which must be constantly!).

When I need to see GOD’s hand, I receive flowers, a book, a gift from both friends and strangers just because GOD placed us on their heart.

When Satan threatens a disagreement between Jason and me, someone is praying for us to be one and to stand together through our pain.

When I just want Reese with us, I know her life has already and still is fulfilling GOD’s perfect purpose.

My family. My friends. You are making an eternal difference in our lives. Anything I say that sounds strong is not me. On some days I feel almost back to the old Katie. Other days I feel like the pain is greater than it was six weeks ago. I do have my close-to-brave moments, but I am one weak and tired in a heartsick-kind-of-way Mama.

I received this in the mail while we were away. Isn't it wonderful!? It has Reese's birthday, weight, length, her full name, and a verse printed on it. The amazing thing about this is I had one made for Zach and was still going to have one made for Reese. I knew this would be hard, but I want to do one for all of my children. The friend who sent this to me did not know I was going to have one made for Reese.

GOD continues to be faithful during my darkest days. When I can't see Him or feel Him. He is still working.

I am comforted by this truth, that when we suffer and die for Christ, it only means that we will begin living with Him in Heaven. Even when we are too weak to have any faith left, He remains faithful to us and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are part of Himself, and He will always carry out His promises to us."

2 Timothy 2:11, 13

49 comments:

The Morris Family said...

beautiful and honest of how a grieving mother should be, broken yet held together by her Jesus, weeping, yet gladdened in heart by all the family and friends that come along side, at times weak yet strengthened by His might, missing Reese like any mother would, yet hopeful of the reuniting. Katie, God is on His throne working even when you do not "feel" like it and He's got you on His heart and mind as you take steps each day....keep trusting and embracing the Truth!!!

Cindy
missing my Joel too.....

Booksh Bunch said...

Praying for your family constantly. Thank you for responding about the blessing ring. Now its just to find the rings:)

KK said...

Still praying :)

Mindy said...

Praying for you...

Becky said...

It's beautiful! I am so glad you got away for a few days. I am still waking up in the middle of the night - that means I am still praying for you! :)rebecca1k

Brandi said...

Glad you got away for a few days! Your words amaze me!!! Still praying!

Mabe Babe Blog said...

God has pulled me to you daily. I feel your broken heart, and I am amazed at our God who is blessing your life through Reeses's loss. I know it must be an aweful time, and my heart aches and I just bawl crying for you. I am amazed by your strength and your faith and our GOD everyday. Keep it up!

abxmomof3 said...

Hi Katie,

Just checking in to see how you guys are doing. I am so glad you had the chance to get away and I know you missed your Z man. You are such an amazing woman and have such great strength - this comes from such a great and loving upbringing by your family. You will slowly return to the "old" Katie and Reese will never be far from your heart and mind.

Take care and know that you and your family are deeply loved by many.

Vickie

lrstan said...

God is working in his wondrous ways. When I check my bloglines each day I hope that I see an entry from you. I'm not really sure why except that I know writing for you has got to be a release in some ways. I know it is for me. And like you said your posts help me to know how to pray for you. That is just amazing that you got a gift of something you had already planned to get. That is powerful!! Luvs and hugs from Auburn.

http://magnoliamom.com

Emily said...

You don't know me and I have never commented before but I heard something this week that made me think of you and your family. A Pastor, who had lost his wife to a car accident about 2 years ago, was sharing at our church.
He said that we are all just clay vessels that the Lord uses...and most (if not all) of us have cracks...but the beautiful thing is that God uses those cracks so that the Light of Jesus that is in us, can shine through the cracks. If we were whole and sealed up vessels, the light would be contained, but becasue of the cracks of grief, sorrow, tragedy and disapointment, the Light of Christ shines through our lives and not only identifies us with Him, but allows us to show the Light to others in need.
he obviously said it MUCH better than I can describe it, but just wanted you to know that God is using these 'cracks" that this experience has brought in your lives, to shine the Light of Christ that is within you.

Summer said...

It's nice to hear you were able to get away for a few days.... and just relax, be yourself and ya know just get away.... I betcha you sure did miss your little "Z" Man! Hope ya'll have a wonderful weekend.... Still praying for ya....
P.S. I just love that frame.... and birth announcement.... It is the cutest.... I think it is soooo special that you wanted one and that god placed this on your friends heart to send it soooo you didn't have to make a difficult step.... It was made for ya.... :0)
Summer

Amy in PA said...

What a testimony to be upheld in prayer. Brought Romans 8:26 to my mind: In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

May it continue to be a comfort to you to know that God's Holy Spirit is covering you in prayer.

Paige said...

Katie- Glad you guys were able to get away for a few days together. I just LOVE the pic of reece's name- who made it?? I would love to have one for both of my girls!!

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

thank you so much for showing us your raw emotions, it takes a lot I know! Your are an amazing women and your family is continually in our prayers!

I'm so glad you and Jason got to get away, I know y'all needed that!

God Bless!

Katie

spiritmom said...

Katie...the name plate is beautiful. Who made it for you? You have so many who are praying for you. May He sustain you...

Trac~ said...

I'm glad you and your husband were able to get away for a few days. Again, I'm so sorry for your and your husband/son's loss. Even when we don't know what it is or understand it - God always has a plan for us and our loved ones whether it is our plan or not. Continue to keep the faith - as I said before, you are a true inspiration to everyone who knows you and those of us who don't know you personally but only through the blogosphere. BIG HUGS! Trac~ :o)

Darla said...

What a beautiful, and real post. Praying God's comfort for you.

The Niemeyer Nest said...

I am so glad you had a chance to get away and I hope you are feeling the love everyone has for you. I do not know you but think of you often. Your pain is unimaginable to me but I still cry for you and get goosebumps when I read your posts. You are such an example to us all. God is using you, Reese and your family in a Holy way. You have made me re-examine by thoughts and feelings and work harder to be a happy,patient mother even at 3 AM and a happy, patient wife even when I do not want to be. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Sunny said...

I'm so glad y'all were able to get away. Every couple needs that, especially a grieving couple.

My specific prayer for you and Jason is that satan would not have any power to drive a wedge between you. That the blood of Jesus would protect you all emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, financially, relationally, and sexually. That there would be NOTHING that could break the bonds of your covenant together - not grief or anything. I know we all process pain differently and men and women are completely different in the way we process pain. I see that in my Jason (my hub). I've caught myself getting angry at him for not feeling what I'm feeling or acting the way I'm acting but I realize that the lies of the enemy are trying to penetrate our bond and tell me that he's not hurting AS MUCH and the enemy wants to use whatever he can to drive that wedge in. In Jesus name I rebuke it for you and for us.

Prayers continually sent up for you all!!!!!!!!

Rikki said...

That name is beautiful!! I would love to have one of those for my children. Does someone make them or can I order one from somewhere? I love reading your blog...your words are comfort for those that are reading your blog and heartbroken for you...it shouldn't be that way, necessarily but God is using you....through Reese.

Karen said...

Continuing to lift you and Jason up daily. My girls pray for you every night and we always pray that you will feel God's strength in you. I am glad that you were able to take some time away, and we pray for you to continue to heal each day. I still cannot imagine your hurt and pain, but my heart continues to hurt for you and your family.

Alex and Jill said...

I love that your honest about exactly where you're at...your family is never far from my thoughts and prayers.

The gift that your friend sent you is beautiful!

Brittany said...

Glad that you were able to get away for a few days!

Continuing to pray!

willis71 said...

Still praying for all of ya'll.

Karen
Tupelo, MS

hi-d said...

So glad that you were able to get away for a few days. Those cycles of emotions can be so hard and draining...thanks for being so real!

Praying, praying, praying!

Even children become tired and need to rest, and young people trip and fall. But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired.
Isaiah 40:30-31 (New Century Version)

Laura said...

Thinking of you.

Lindsay said...

I just wanted to say that you may not always feel strong, but your words are so powerful. You make me want to be that much closer to God with the faith you hold so tightly in your grasp. I am truly sorry for your loss. I may not understand what you are feeling, but my aunt's daughter went on to be with Jesus when she was 2 days old so I understand in that aspect. (if that makes sense? ):)
Just know, MANY prayers are being lifted up for you and your family during this time.

Taylor said...

I'm so glad you guys had a chance to get away! You absolutely move me to goosebumps with every post because you are so honest and still so broken but you know that it's God's will for your life so you're living it with all that you can and that is truly inspiring!

Still praying for you guys!

Heather said...

So glad you had a little time with friends away from the everyday! I am praying for you, Katie. I love reading your words about how God is meeting your needs. You challenge me to trust Him more.

amy said...

I have been reading your blog for weeks since I saw it on Kelly's Korner and am AMAZED by your strength. It is such an inspiration. Have been thinking of you all & praying for you. After the rain comes the sunshine!

Shelly said...

I love that verse. It is so comforting to know that God is faithful in ALL situations.

The Gardella's said...

I had your family on my mind a lot yesterday, and I lifted up a lot of prayer for you. The picture is so cute!

jamesaidansmom said...

Our family is still lifting you up in prayer...I love reading your blog and your strength is such an inspiration to me. The blessing ring you made for Reese is beautiful :)
Lauren

Jennifer said...

Still praying for you! That framing is beautiful. If you don't mind sharing, where did it come from?

Kelli said...

So happy that you and Jason were able to get away! Rest is good for the weary heart! Praying for strength in the sad times and joy in the memories of Reese!

Leanne said...

I come to your blog to try to minister to you in some small way.....

And I end up being ministered to!!!!

That verse in your post is so fantastic.

What stirs me the most about your posts is that you are putting your heart into words for us to read...

I like that.

Thanks for being so real.

I'm praying for you today!

3LittleByrds said...

Katie, still praying for your sweet family. My aunt has lost both her boys even though they were older one at 23 and the other at 34 in tragic ways. I've seen her grieve as a mom and how she still does. It breaks my heart. A child is a child no matter the age. I think of you alot when I see her. Hugs.

Ann said...

Katie,

How pleased our God must be to see you walk by faith and not by sight.

Thank you so much for writing so we can be reminded and agree with you about His goodness.

Love, love, love you,
Ms. B.

Life with my sweeties said...

Still thinking and praying for you daily.

Megon Oliver said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Becky said...

May God bless you, dear Katie. I visit your blog at least once a week to "check in" on you, and every time, I'm so touched at your testimony of faith. Stay strong, dear sister, because you have the strength of the Lord and the love of many who silently watch, both here on earth and in heaven. It's all just a journey, isn't it? I know your feet must be bleeding from the wounds of your particular journey right now, but there are many who wish to bind them up and heal them for you. I would if I could, but because I can't, I will pray. Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come, YOUR WILL BE DONE, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM, and THE POWER, and THE GLORY, forever and EVER. Amen. As you read that, we said that prayer together. We are joined in the love of Christ, as is your sweet baby girl. Let His powerful love wash over you and heal you, dear one. Don't be afraid to heal; it won't mean you love little Reese any less. God created her mama to shine the light of His love to the world, so shine on, Katie, shine on. With lots of bright hopes for you and yours, Becky

mlt said...

I read the first comment by Cindy (The Morris Family), and was stopped in my tracks by her words; so lovely!

Katie, I've never commented before so you don't know of me, but I wanted to say you are such an inspiration to me as you walk through this painful time. I wish I had your strength of faith! I lost my beloved daddy prematurely to cancer, and I'm sorry to say I did not handle my loss like you are. I was very close to giving up on God; years have passed as I continue trying to get back on track. Reading how you are clinging to Him and trusting Him in the midst of heartbreak is helping me in my still-somewhat-shaky walk. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

Leigh in Texas

jess said...

I am so glad you guys were able to get away and I am so glad it was good! I love the name frame too. How sweet! Hope yall have a great weekend!!
continuing to pray-

:) jess

Melissa said...

Checking in on you and praying for you and your family. I found your blog through Kelly's blog, and have been following since just before Reese was born. I'm touched that you continue to share of yourself....I have not personally endured the loss of a child, but I have dear friends who have. May peace be yours each and every day.
~Melissa in Colorado

Jennifer said...

So glad that you are seeing God's hand in the outpouring of love and prayers. May you continue to feel His tremendous love!

busymom said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know you either, but I lift your family up in prayer as I cry for you. Your trust in God inspires me too. May God fill your heart with peace.

Tracychele said...

Katie, I am so glad you were able to get away. I cannot imagine how difficult times can be for you. Please know you have a whole "Village" of folks praying for you and your whole family. Take care of yourself one day at a time.

Andy and Cari said...

I was scrolling through your older posts....well just recently older...The song you chose for Reeese's photo video is the same one we had on a video made for our daughter on the anniversary of her death...it is a beautiful song. And so true.
I prayed for you before commenting. I wish I could say I couldn't imagine what youa re going through...but I have walked a road saddly similar to yours. I am glad you are bringing glory to Christ in your hurt.
Peace to you tonight
Cari

Meredith said...

Katie, it is so encouraging to read your blog. I can see the Lord using you so much. I know you are still grieving and I am praying for you. God is always with you wherever you go!

 
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