Friday, September 11, 2009

Firsts

Today Reese would have been one month old. We have gone through many "firsts" this month without Reese, and I've heard it gets easier. I hope so. We have made it through...

My follow-up appointment at the hospital where Reese was born and where we let her go.

The first time I walked into Reese's nursery. 

The first time I opened Reese's closet. 

Reese's scheduled C section date.

Reese's due date.

The first Sunday back at church.

The first time someone (who didn't know) asked me how everything was going with Reese.

Jason's first day back to work.

My first day alone with Zach.

My first fall Bible study.

My first fall MOPS group.

The first time I was asked, "How many kids do you have?"

The first day I didn't cry (after 25 days straight). I wasn't even trying not to...it just happened. ; )  

Thank you for helping pray me through many of these firsts. Some have been much easier than I expected. Some much more difficult. It's been a month, hasn't it? 

People have been so kind. We can see it in their eyes. Not pity, just sympathy and love. I have never received so many hugs in my life. I'm a cuddler at heart so hugs mean a lot to me. 

I know there are many more firsts to get through. I know with GOD we will get through them. Never would I have thought the first month after Reese was born I would be doing all of these things. GOD's grace is sufficient for each moment I have to live without Reese. Each "first."

The past few days I have caught myself singing in my car and around the house, and I'm also laughing out loud. More "firsts." Nice ones. 

He is before ALL things and in HIM ALL things hold together.

Colossians 1:17

52 comments:

Crystal said...

I found you on Kellly's Korner! I've been reading your blog for a while now. I just want you to know that your strength and courage that you talk about on your blog is amazing to me! You have helped me look at life in a whole new way! You guys are in my prayers!

Summer said...

I am glad that you are soooo singing and smiling a bit! That's great! I loved that you shared your first's with us! Just know I'll be praying for you through all the many more firsts... and hopefully with time it may get a little easier... Good thing your keeping busy with Bible Study and MOPS groups... Your such a great mommy! Hang in there :0) P.S. you look great! That's always a plus huh! Ha! Ha!
Summer :0)

hi-d said...

Awesome that you are singing and laughing out loud! I am a big cuddler at heart as well, so if I saw you, I would give you a big hug! I think I inherited this from my Mom...she used to embarrass me by hugging people, (even strangers)...ha ha, now, I'm turning into my Mother...but that's okay. This world needs more hugs!

Shelly said...

God is so good. He provides strength even when we don't realize we need it. Firsts are hard when you lose someone, but God is bigger than any first. Love and praying for you still.

Pam said...

I just wanted to share my blog with you. I hope it will lift you up. I haveen following you daily. God is GOOD!!!!! Stay focuse on HIM!!!!!

Doula Mama

julie & joe said...

Sending you ((HUGS)) and hoping that the time will ease the pain you feel. You are an amazing person!

thoughts of a beggar said...

Laughing returns at the best times...definitely when you least expect it AND when you need it the most.

praying,
katie

AdoptedbyGrace said...

Thank goodness that HE is the first and the last. He has already gone before you in the "first(s)" that are still to come. Thankful for the song in your heart and the laugh of your soul - we continue to pray for each of you. Consider yourself hugged today!

Lauren Kelly said...

And with each first hereon after Katie, it will get easier and easier, but Reese will certainly never be forgotten, and with each new first we'll be right here praying for you, encouraging you, and loving on you! Love ya! :)

Kelley said...

Yeahhhhh for the laughing! Thank you, God :) [The LORD said], "I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt...Again you will take up your tambourines and go out to dance with the joyful."
Jeremiah 31:3-4 Love ya!

Stefanie said...

I am happy that time and prayer are easing the pain a bit. I admire your strength and will continue to pray for you and your family as you encounter more "firsts".

Robert/Karen said...

Thought of you today on Reese's 1 month birthday. Prayed for you. This was my verse today...wanted to share...
"The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zeph. 3:17
May God continue to heal your broken heart!

Brittany said...

I know you will get through many more firsts all because of Him. You seem so strong solely, but with God you are mighty!

Continuing to pray!

Heather said...

Hi Katie! I think it is thinking of all these "firsts" that must seem constant and definitely overwhelming that keeps me in a constant state of prayer for you. God is good to bring you to mind throughout the day and night, so know that you are being lifted up.
I loved hearing your heart on this post and one thing I am SO thankful for is how you are clinging not only to God Himself but to His Word. The verses you post have blessed me!

Rachelle H said...

Oh sweet Katie, peace will come to you in time! I can identify with so many of your feelings--hold onto your hope

Joy said...

I'm sorry these are the "firsts" you're facing. Keep leaning on Him! He is your strong tower.

Leslie said...

Oh Katie I am so glad to hear you are able to laugh a little and sing a little. I think that is a huge accomplishment. I hope and pray every month gets a little happier for your family. Fall can be such a fun and festive time of year. I hope you are able to enjoy it with Jason and Zach. Hang in there sweet girl!

Sunny said...

Coming from a family full of singers (my parents used to have a group in ministry), I heard someone say once that you know your heart is broken when you can't sing anymore. I've always found that true. It made me smile to know that you can sing again.

Leigh Ann said...

I pray for many more "firsts" for you Katie that involve laughing out loud!!! It made my heart happy to read that you are laughing again! You are so right, God's grace is sufficient. What an inspiration you are! Every time I read your blog, I am reminded! Thank you for that! God is doing great things through you and sweet Reese! I adore the picture you added of the Rowe's all together. It is just beautiful!

2 little Boys said...

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands His steadfast love, and at night His son is with me, a prayer to the God of my life." (Psalm 42: 5,8)

I cry for the first's you are having without Reese, but I praise HIM that you are leaning on Him and drawing strength from His people and His word. Oh how glorious is your crown that your salvation is in HIM!!!!

Daily laying it at the Master's feet!
Laura Ann

jess said...

I am so glad for you Katie!! It is so amazing what we can do with Him. I hope the laughter and smiles just keep on coming!! Still praying for you guys & hoping you have a great weekend!! you are such a precious testament to me (and sooo many others!)
:) jess

Paige said...

Here is quote from one of my favorite movies, Steele Magnolias....
"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion" Dolly Parton.

HUGS and love to you, my sweet precious friend. Your post was so tranzparent about your many firsts.

Vanessa said...

Sending you huge hugs across the ocean.

Kelly said...

Your post put a smile on my face. We're all just taking life one day at a time. Thank the Lord that's all we ever have to do.

Have a blessed weekend! And I hope you find yourself with a smile on your face and a song in your heart more and more each day.

Mary said...

You have been on my mind so much today and I didn't realize until I saw your post that it has been one month. I know I don't know you but I'm sending another "hug" your way! You are such an inspiration to me!

Genie Marie said...

Thankful that you can sing and laugh again...I am praying for you...for each step of this journey...and know that God and God alone will continue to strengthen you and use you...you are truly a light in this world. God bless you and your family as you continue to experience these "first's"...may HE continue to be with you on each one!

The Crowder Family said...

Katie, I am thrilled to hear that you're singing and laughing out loud. Although they seem like simply things, I cannot imagine how you feel to have those little moments of joy back. I think of you and your family often, and each time I do, I lift y'all up to God in my prayers. Your strength is amazing! I hope you have a wonderful weekend full of more laughs!

Andie said...

Just a stranger touched by your beautiful Reese. Praying peace and comfort for you. Your grace and dignity through such heartbreak are inspiring.

Kim W. said...

I've read your blog for what seems like a long time now, since finding it on Kelly's Korner. I am 32, have a 3 year old little boy, 20 month old little boy, and we are expecting our first daughter in about 10 weeks. I've cried over and over and over for your sweet family. I only say that for you to know that you are touching so many different lives, and lives of people you will never meet. What a blessing you are to others. Your strong testimony and your un-swerving faith is unbelieveable. I can only begin to imagine what you've gone thru the last month, but I am amazed at how strong you are, and how you still can see and KNOW the good behind it all, and that you truly trust that God has His hand in it all. He does, and I know that, but I admire you for your strenght and your outlook. May He continue to bless your precious family.
Kim ~ Abilene, TX

Larry and Kara Wright said...

Hey, I have been reading your blog for several weeks now and I don't have kids yet, but I will say that if something were to ever happen to me like this, I hope that I would only be half as strong as you have been. What a testimony of Christ you have been. I am praying for you!

Alex and Jill said...

I can't believe it has already been a month. Beautiful post.

((HUGS)) to you, Katie.

Kelli said...

Sending you a huge hug:)) Thankful that you can find joy even in the middle of this storm!

Melanie said...

Katie,

I loved your entry about Zach going to MDO. Even though my "babies" are in high school, the first day back I always feel a bit lost. I use my time alone to talk to God and to rediscover who I am. It is so easy to wrap my whole identity into being a wife and mom. While I'm alone in the house I talk aloud to God and I sing and (gasp!) sometimes even dance. My teenagers would be absolutely mortified, ;-) but it brings me joy and lets me work out the hurts and frustrations of the day. I hope that you find therapy in your singing as well. :-)

Life is hard, but GOD is good.

Hugs from Nebraska!

Bourg Family said...

Sending a big hug your way!!!

Mindy said...

This hug is from Texas!!!

Praying for you.

Becky said...

You have overcome those horribly difficult 'firsts.' There is a song I love by an older singer, Don Fransisco, called 'I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand.' He never will. Never.

The Gardella's said...

Your faith and attitude are such an inspiration. Keeping you in my prayers daily.

The Petty's said...

You are so blessed. We will continue to pray for your family as long as it is needed. Remember Philippians 4:13.

Christine said...

your faith is an inspiration :)

Dana said...

I stumbled upon your blog late one night a few weeks ago. I was so shocked at what I was reading, so much sorrow and so much strength at the same time. I ended up reading your entire blog that night. I have two girls myself, Josie who is 9, and Ava Grace who is 3, my husband is Jason. I come to your blog everyday, to check on you and also to be inspired by you. I have shared your story with my mom and mother-in-law. I was reading your post today about all the "firsts" and I just felt compelled to say what will get you through is God's amazing Grace, he will carry you through, and also looking forward to the day when you see Reese again for the "first" time in heaven and spend enternity with her. I will be praying for you and your family. I have recently started a blog, if you want to learn a little more about us, visit beaniebirdie.blogspot.com or my e-mail DanaVoyles@aol.com.

Blessings,
Dana Voyles

Shelly said...

Katie, I too am a follower of yours. I learned about you through Kelly's Korner and through Jill Langham (Jill is my daughter's step Mom). I have to tell you that you continually amaze and inspire me. My own daughter is 13..I just can't even imagine what you have gone through.

What I love most about your blog is how real and honest you are. How strong you are, yet fragile at the same time-and not afraid to show either.

I pray that God will continue to bless you, Jason and Zach.

Thank you for sharing.

Becca said...

Love you, Katie. My heart rejoiced when I read you had laughed again.

And, your little Z-man was so adorable on his first day of school!

Allison said...

I have been reading your blog for a while, and I am so sorry for your loss. I cry almost every time I read your posts. My heart breaks for you, and yet, I am so amazed at your wonderful gracious testimony through this trial. I have prayed for you several times as the Lord brings you to my mind. I pray that the Lord's grace will continue to uphold you and heal your heart.

Katie said...

Sending you a big hug from Ohio. I think about Reese daily and keep you all in my prayers. I know that Reese is looking down at her mommy, daddy, and big brother and smiling from Heaven.

Becky said...

Hi Katie,
I have no idea if I've left a comment here or not, but I've been following your story and praying for you. I'm a cuddler/hugger too, so here's a big ole hug from me to you!!!
It may not mean anything, but in my opinion, you're doing GREAT and everyone is rooting for you to feel better and better with each new day, and that memories of Reese will still be so very precious but won't hurt so much with each passing day. You are in my prayers!
Becky

Brittany said...

hahahaha! LOL to your comment on my page :) I knew what you meant!

meeksmiles33 said...

I want to tell you what an encouragement you are to me. It is so easy to get down through everyday life. I have not been through a situation like yours and I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you. I read your blog and get so inspired and I am reminded of how awesome God is. He has a huge plan for your life and is using you in a big way!!I'll be praying for you and your family!!

Tracy said...

Katie, I also have been reading for awhile, but so often on my phone and it is hard to comment. I think about your family alot and decided to come to the computer and tell you. Ironically, my cousin, Kelly (agirlnamedkellykelly.blogspot.com) was here. Please know you are in many thoughts and prayers more than you realize. Your strength is such an encouragement to me in so many aspects of my life. I admire you for your enormous Christian Foundation - Wow! I strive to be more like you in so many ways! Keep up the encouragement and we all will too! Hope every day brings more good firsts and strength to weather the more challenging firsts.

Ann said...

Katie,

You must find it amazing to see the breadth of your influence as God shows his grace through your life.

I'm happy to think of songs, laughs, and strong hugs on your behalf and am praying for you every day.


Much love,
Miss B.

Candy Johnson said...

Hello, Katie and Jason! Kyle and I have been on vacation for the past 8 days, but I just wanted to let you know that we were thinking of you guys. We went to Kiawah Island, South Carolina. I highly recommend the island, and it would be a great place to take Z. I just wanted to tell you that we are praying and thinking of you guys often. Candy

Pieper Rodriguez said...

You remain to be so strong. Peace is finding it's way and you are being ever so patient. The Lord is answering so many prayers that are going up on your behalf!

The Vance's said...

I found your blog through a friend in Little Rock and I just want you to know what an amazing example of a Christian you are. God's love for us is seen in your writings even in your darkest hour. You are truly an amazing Christian woman. You have encouraged so many out there more than you will ever know! You and your family are in my prayers.
amy

 
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