Monday, October 26, 2009

Punkin'

Jason and I took Z to a pumpkin patch and amusement park on Saturday. The weather was gorgeous.

On a mission somewhere...
Found one!
Fun in the leaves
Z & Jason


This ride was hilarious. Since it is a kiddy ride, we expected it to go fairly slow. Oh, no. It jerked him around and around in circles! It surprised us all, but I don't think Z minded. ; )

Choo choo!
All done.


People are so good to us. GOD is good to provide such love and support (above and beyond!) through our families, new friends, and old friends as we fumble through all of these emotions. I've been amazed at how many of you are just "enough." You know when we need time, you know when to call, email, or just pray. It's such a blessing, and I am confident that it's the LORD impressing you one way or another. Thank you!

Some of you are concerned about talking with me about Reese. Please don't be! Just think of it as if you were asking me about Zach. It should be that normal because I don't mind, I promise. She is our daughter just like Z is our son. I want to make this comfortable for you, too, because I know you love us and are desperately trying to understand and walk with us through this pain.

You will not turn a good day into a hard one if you ask me about Reese. I'm thinking about her anyway, so it won't take me by surprise. Everyone responds differently to death, but it is healthy and healing for me to talk about her.

I am a curious person, too, so I understand. If you have any questions about Reese, don't hesitate to ask me. If you wonder things like if I have gone through her closet yet (no way, not for a long time), what it is like for me to go into her nursery, if her marker has come in yet (no), or what I think about having more children, it's ok to ask.

Every day is different. If you feel the need to hug me, then do it. ; ) If I'm having a "good" day, it will make it even better. If the day is a hard one, then you'll lift me up a bit.

It's a breathe of fresh air for me to talk about Reese. I love it. I truly value those friends who can talk with me about fingernail polish and in the next sentence talk about Reese. I know all of this takes time, but you'll find the more you do it the easier it will become. ; )

Jason and I love the LORD from the bottom of our hearts for providing us with friends and family who make us feel safe. Who seem to understand even though you've never been where we are. You help ease our pain. Thanks, LORD.

He will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with His hand.

Psalm 37:24

47 comments:

Casi said...

Katie - I've said this before but you are simply AMAZING and I'm so glad we've become cyber friends even though I wish it had been under different circumstances.

The photos of Z at the pumpkin patch are adorable and I pray that you always feel His presence and know that we are continually lifting up your entire family.

Casi

Kubin's said...

I wish I was there to hug you! I think of you all the time. I pray for you all the time. You are an amazing lady!
Christie

Jennifer said...

I loved talking with you about Reese yesterday. I love knowing who she looks like and I loved seeing the smile on your face when you talked about her! Thank you for sharing that with me. You are precious! Love you so much!

Rikki said...

You are so precious!!

Lauren Kelly said...

That picture of you and Z together in the the leaves is GORGEOUS!!!!! What a sweet time at the pumpkin patch.

And as you try to navigate this journey Katie, just know that God is with you just as much when your faith might be feeling low in the hard times as he is with you in the times when you feel your faith is at an all time high. He walks this journey with during the highs and the lows.

Sunny said...

That is such a beautiful picture of you and Zach sitting in the leaves. I love it.

p.s. I "boo'd" you on my blog. It's silly but why not?! :)

Kelley said...

Love the pictures - looks like so much fun!

And I love your candidness - the influence you are having on so many lives (including mine) is amazing. Thank you for being such a beautiful vessel. He loves you!

With love, and as always, praying for you ~

Kelley

Karen said...

You continue to amaze me daily. I love the pics of the pumpkin patch! What a handsome boy you have there...love, love, love the pic of you and him in the leaves. What a gorgeous backdrop you have! I am so glad that you were able to get out and enjoy our Father's fall. Thinking about you guys....

Shelly said...

Looks like he enjoyed his ride. Have a great day. :)

Tristan said...

Oh my heart..he is just too sweet!

Summer said...

Katie,
Those pics in the pumpkin patch are too cute! I love the one with you and Z! That one is great! Did your hubby take it? It looks professional! The ride comment cracked me up cause we experienced that this summer with a similar ride with Kelcee at the zoo! We thought it would be slower... well it wasn't Ha! Ha! She didn't care, but I was like oh my!

Here is a big hug from me all the way from WV! You are so sweet to be soooo concerned about everyone's feelings! I am glad ya'll had a great day! You DESERVE IT!!!!

Summer :0)

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

Katie~I feel so blessed to have met you via internet! Your such an inspiration and I pray for y'all everyday!

The pictures of y'all at the pumpkin patch are beautiful! It's warms my heart to see y'all able to smile and enjoy life, but always have Reese on your mind :)

Blessings,

Katie

Taylor said...

Those pictures from the pumpkin patch are wonderful!! Especially the one of you and Z in the leaves, the one of Jason and Z and the one of Z standing with his hands up trying to catch the leaves!! His little face is just precious!!

You and Jason are such amazing parents!!

Launa said...

Beautiful, beautiful pictures!! Z is so darn cute!!
Was thinkin' of you last night... so I sent up some prayers and am hoping that God gave you some comfort in your dreams!

The Niemeyer Nest said...

WOW - you just made it so much easier for your friends! I constantly worry about asking someone about the challenges that they are facing but you are right -most people are probably thinking about it anyway. Just this morning, I asked a friend how her mom was doing because I know she just had surgery for breast cancer and it was hard because I know this person is having a really tough time. I just want her and you to know that I am thinking about her and hoping time makes your pain fade although it will be with you forver.

Kimberly said...

You have such a way with words... its almost like you are comforting us instead of us comforting you. It is amazing to see the strength our Lord can give someone in such a dark time. You are truly an inspiration. I pray I never have to experience what you have, but if I ever do I pray that I would have the wisdom and strength that you do. Your husband is blessed to have such a Godly wife and your babies are blessed to have a praying mommy! :)

Amanda said...

Katie, it is so true what you said about the friends that can talk about fingernail polish and the next sentence talk about Reece. I only have a few friends that will talk to me about Kate that way and those are the friends I enjoy talking to the most. Those are the friends that "get it"....they understand that she is still so alive in my heart and always will be. Even 4 years later I still love to talk about my little Kate. She was and will always be my first born!

Loved your pics of the pumpkin patch and amusement park. Looks like you all had a great time.

hi-d said...

What a great post Katie. I love how you are so open and willing to talk about Reese...and to share with people that it's okay for them to ask you questions. Katie, are one amazing individual, with a heart of gold!

BTW...that little Z man of yours is ABSOLUTELY precious. Oh, what a cutie!

Have a blessed week! Beautiful pictures, my friend!

imafoofoo2 said...

Katie - Do I start by saying "thank you"? That just doesn't seem like enough. Let me explain. I am a mom to two amazing little boys. Cam is 2 and Peyton is 5 months. The past 2 months with Peyton has been ROUGH. I feel as though I have a newborn all over again. He will sleep about 45 minutes at a time, leaving me just enough time to fall asleep to then be woken again. I have been BEYOND frustrated. There are nights I'm in his pitch black room, nursing him and finding myself becoming angry with him. Why won't he let me sleep? Why does he keep waking his brother? Why does he insist on nursing when he's not even hungry? He just wants my boob in his mouth, resulting in pain like I have never felt before. Why, why, why?! Then, no sooner do I start to get angry, that the Lord places you on my heart. He reminds me how BLESSED I am to be able to hold my little boy, that I am able to nurse him, and I am able to comfort him. The thought of not having P ... well, my mind honestly can't comprehend it. You are SUCH an inspiration to me. You remind me EVERY DAY how blessed I am. Thank you ...

karen said...

Katie,
I have loved reading your blog. Even before we lost our Rebekah Joy two weeks ago. Thanks for posting about not going through her closet, yet. That comforted me so much because I plan to leave up our little girl's crib for a while.

I loved your idea of a Blessing Ring and plan to make one for myself (if that is okay with you). I want to use it to remember to pray for each family every morning (not all at one time...maybe two or three). Sort of like what our family does with Christmas cards=).

Your blog has been such a source of strength as we are going down this path we did not choose. Much love...Karen

Rebekah said...

I know talking about Reese brings a smile to your face. She is your sweet little girl!!! It makes my heart so happy to know that you have so many wonderful people surrounding you and Jason. I wish I could give you a great big hug.

The pic of you and Zach in the leaves is GORGEOUS!!!

Kelli said...

I love talking about Reese too!!! Thank you for helping us understand how to help you and others who are going through an extremely emotional time!!!

Becky said...

Fall is the best time for great pictures and pumpkins don't get much cuter than Zach!

In a small sense, I understand why talking about Reese is so important to you. She will never be forgotten so not talking about her is not going to make those memories 'go away'. She was special. She was here. You have memories. She will always be a part of your lives. I for one love to hear about her through your blog!

Katie - you are so sensitive to those around you - not wanting them to feel awkward, but at ease in sharing a natural part of your lives.

Mandy said...

Beautiful pictures!! He looks so old! I can't believe it.

Love you so much.

Todd and Courtney said...

I so wish we could just go get coffee and chat. You are truly uplifting and inspiring to "talk" to via blogs. I think about you all every single day and pray for you constantly. I love that you feel so comfortable talking about Reese. She's so beautiful and an awesome daughter!

Tracychele @ The Week-Ender said...

Katie, you are such a sweet, sweet spirit. You are so special to all of us and I still can not believe how concerned you are about the way we all feel. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!
Looks like Z had a great time and Mom and Dad were smiling too. That was really nice to see. Keep your sweet head up.

Amy said...

What an amazing God we serve who never ceases to give us exactly what we need...and then some! Praying for you and your sweet family....
The picture of Zach throwing the leaves in the air is so precious! It looks like it could be on a postcard! ;0)

Heather said...

I love seeing and hearing the Lord Himself through your blog posts!!! You are precious! Love the punkin' pics!!! What a sweet little guy!

Lindsay said...

Oh I love the pictures with the leaves. Now I need to find a pile of leaves...what a great picture! :) Looks like you all had a really good time!
Praying for you daily, thinking of you often. I have a very good friend that lost her daughter a little over a year ago. She now has another sweet little angel named Shiloh. You are true inspiration to others who are going through the same thing and I only wish she could have read your words before. You know just what to say and it's from your heart.

Sarah Bussey said...

I just wanted you guys to know that we have been praying for you constantly. We lost our sweet Mamie June 25, 2009 and it makes me smile to know she has Reese as her friend in Heaven. We will continue to pray for you.

Sarah Bussey said...

I wanted to give you this poem that my sister gave to me.

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~

Colleen said...

I wish I lived by you so that I had the opportunity to run into you and give you a GIANT hug! I feel like even though I don't know you, I would just come up and wrap my arms around you-CREEPY RIGHT!? And I am not even a huggy kind of person!

Thank you for sharing your journey with us all and your undying love for God!

Trac~ said...

What beautiful pictures and looks like Zach had a great time this past weekend! I especially LOVE the one of him and you in the leaves - that is just too CUTE! Sending lots of love and hugs and prayers your way sweetie. Have a great week! xoxoxo

Crystal said...

I love to read about your journey. From when you lost sweet Reese up to now has been such an incredible journey to "witness" (through my screen!). My heart is glad when I read about you growing through this. It gives me so much hope to know that God is holding you and Reese in the same arms and that even I could make it through my worst fears. I have thought so much about you and your daughter, but I worried about comments about something that hurts you. I'm glad to know that it brings you healing to talk about her. Much love from another mother!

Crystal

Paige said...

Katie- Loved your post today. Often people don't say anything at all because they either don't know what to say or they think it might upset you- like you weren't thinking about your sweet girl anyhow. I have noticed that with people I am not close to that the mention of Tatum makes them a LOT more uncomfortable then it makes me. So blessed to have a blogging world here to meet mommies that "just know." Love the fall pics, too. I have always wanted a great leaf pic like yours, exept, well that would mean you need trees and that is something we don't have a lot of here in Midland, TX!! STill praying for you!!

Susie from Bienvenue said...

HI Katie! What a beautiful family you have and those pictures are awesome....{{{{great big hugs}}}}

Mindy said...

You amaze me!

I love the pictures...especially of the one of you and Z in the leaves! You guys are all so precious!!!

Crystal said...

ps-- Totally random-- but Z's hair is adorable!! We really want to grow Mason's like that, but he has a tendency to grow a rat-tail when he gets any length :) maybe some day!

Lil' K said...

Still thinking of you and praying. Still amazing by your faith and strength. Wishing I could hug you and thank you for sharing your story and for making me a better mother.

God bless....

Mer said...

Love the pic of you and Zach in the leaves:)

Mommy 2 One Angel said...

I know exactly how you feel. It's comforting to me to talk about my brother. If I don't talk about him I feel as if I've forgotten him. Which is simply impossible. I'm sure you feel the same way about your sweet Reese. I love the name gallery idea. That's a great idea! God bless you! Love the fall pics. They're beautiful!

Kylie and crew. said...

Katie -

You have a gift! As you walk through this season in your life your transperancy and willingness to talk to others is incredible. I believe that you are going to help many others as they face this battle. I do so wish you had Reese in your arms!

Donna said...

I love your autumn pictures! You all are a beautiful family! Continuing to pray specifically that God will comfort you today...and give you a wonderful day in Him! Wish I could give you a hug.

Alison said...

You are amazing with your words.
Those are cute pictures of the family. Where is the amusement park? It looks fun.

Momofgirls said...

Praying for you, Sweet Katie!

petrii said...

Katie,
What a beautiful and insightful post. I don't know you, but have followed your story through Kelly's Korner. You have such beautiful strength, dear one.

The pics at the pumpkin patch are just beatiful.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

Have a Blessed day,
Dawn

Amanda said...

I love your way with words, so elequient! And admire all you knowabout our God...do you know all these verses or look them up? Anyway you are an inspiration and reminder of all that is good. I just wonder if you have any anger or bitterness towards your Doctors that saw/treated you in June for your brain illness (sorry forgot the name), do you feel like they should have done more testing, called in other Specialists, etc...to get more of an indication of the effects on your baby girl...?! I hope that is an OK question to ask I just wonder b/c I am always looking for an answer and wondering "why" and wondered if you felt that way too...?! Personal, I know...and was it for sure decided that the illness over the Summer played a role in Reece's passing? I hope you continue to heal daily, praying for your family!

 
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