Sunday, August 23, 2009

Laugh Again

Jason and I went to worship this morning. It was much harder than I expected, but I'm so glad we went. There is just something about seeing a friendly warm familiar face that makes me lose it. In a good kind of heartbreaking way. ; )


Everyone we saw was wonderful and hugged us. I know they and so many others are walking with us through our pain.



A friend sent this picture of us to me, and it makes me wonder if we'll ever truly laugh at things again the way we used to. Jason has been such a rock for me. I don't know what I would do without his calming presence. I love him with all of my heart.


This verse I read on someone's blog yesterday gives me hope today.


"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:21



47 comments:

Sara said...

The first time I went to church after we lost Samuel was very difficult. I am glad you went - it helps to be surrounded by people who love and care about you.

That picture is beautiful. And yes, you will laugh like that again. You will have great times. But you will always know that someone is missing. Reese will always be with you.

Prayers and hugs for you.

Ann said...

Hi, Katie,

I think it is John Piper who talks about life on this side of Paradise as 'joyful sorrow' and 'sober joy'. Surely you will laugh again but with a deeper knowledge of the One who holds your heart. So grateful for Jason, too, as I know he's taking good care of you.

I'm sending you my email address. When you begin to make your way down your lists maybe you'll send me yours. I want to introduce you to a friend who has walked some of these same paths. I also have something for Zack.

I love you,
Miss B.
annbarker@gmail.com

Jennifer said...

Katie,
It was great to see you at church this morning. I am praying that Christ will be your joy this week. I love you and I am continually praying for you and Jason.

I loved seeing your parents this morning, too. They are just precious! :)

Jenna said...

Continuing to pray for you sweet Katie, as ya'll walk through all the "firsts." The picture is beautiful, and I am so glad that you and Jason have one another and I know God is holding ya'lls hands through this time.

Ya'll are in my thoughts! Sending lots of love from GA.

Becky said...

You took an amazing step by going to church today. You will laugh. You will make new memories. Do not feel guilty! Sara is correct. Someone will always be missing.

Melissa said...

I will continue to pray for healing for you and your family. This picture is beautiful. I hope that your strength in Jesus Christ will get you through difficult days. The Stafford Family from Bentonville Family is praying for you.

Mary Ann said...

53 years ago on Sept. 1st, we lost our first born son, two months premature with a heart defect. After all these years we still remember that day and the little one we never got to know. We had our oldest daughter 15 months later. We would not have had her if Stephen had lived. Somehow that makes it a little easier. We have 4wonderful children, a son and 3 daughters, but we always remember on Sept. 1st that little one we never got to know. It will become easier, believe me, but you don't ever have to forget.

amy said...

I said the same thing after we lost our Bailey...I remember thinking that I would probaly never sing or laugh...but you will!
Dear sister in Christ...you are being prayed for....

Kimberly said...

That is a great pic. You will get there, HE is leading you.

Erin said...

Our message in church today was about fellowship. Not fellowship as in chatting in the fellowship hall, but fellowship of your family of believers. To fellowship is to have people that delight in helping you to carry your burdens and loving you as Christ loves you to show you His love here on Earth. I am so glad you have that true fellowship. We are here for you and we all love you so much!

Fabiola said...

What a beautiful picture.

I am sure you two will laugh again, but the laugh will always have a whole new meaning.

God bless you!!

Fabiola

Kelly said...

Katie -
I'm praying you will laugh again. I have prayed a lot that God would not only give you comfort but that He would restore your joy.
Thank you for so honestly sharing how you are doing.

ashley said...

Katie,
I know it must have taken great strength to be at church - I think the Lord was glorified that you chose to be in His house today. I love that picture of you and Jason. I sure hope you can laugh again one day because we have LOTS of giggling to do in our future (even if it means you have to laugh AT me!) May God give you JOY in His perfect timing. Love you!

Kara and the Oosterhous Boys said...

Katie:
I have been praying for your family since Julie Turner first asked for prayers for your precious family. Also, my sister Jenny Williams lives in Lewsiville, and is in a play group with your sister. It is such a small world. I have been lifting your family up in prayer and will continue to do so. Your faith is genuine and honest and your devotion to Christ and his highest calling is humbling and inspiring. In reading another blog of someone who is walking their own journey of pain right now I found the following verses which have spoken to me and I hope will comfort you:

Isaiah 43:1-2

...”Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

I will pray for God's strength and guidance during this very difficult time. Hugs and Prayers, Kara

Bourg Family said...

My heart truly aches for you. Please know that so many people are praying for your sweet family.

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50

Alex and Jill said...

You guys are just precious.

Praying there will be sprinkles of joy with each passing day.

Sarah Fries said...

Oh I do pray that you all will have joy again in your lives. It was good to see you from afar at church today. I could tell it was hard for you. I just wish we all could take little pieces of the pain away from you until it was all gone. I promise you this...we are both still praying so hard for you and Jason. It still seems a little surreal, so I can't imagine the feelings you all are feeling. Please let us know if there is anything we can do. Even if it is just to keep you company. We would love to help.

Choofy Mama said...

Such a great verse, and I know it seems almost impossible, but aren't you so glad we serve an amazing God of impossibilities?

Also, at our daughter's funeral, we sang "Mourning into Dancing" and we CLUNG to that verse, but thought to ourselves that surely we could never *really* dance like we once did, never truly feel joy and happiness with such a gaping hole in our lives...and yet here we are, 2.5 years later, with our miracle baby who is 5 months old, and dancing once again.

Prayers for you and your family.

JEN

Linds said...

I believe that God restores the broken & weary, and believe that He will give you joy to laugh about again. I have been reading a great book titled "A Grace Disguised." It was recommended by Rebecca Rainey Mutz, a friend of mine who also lost her little girl a little over a year ago. It is a GREAT book that really gives light to grief and loss in a totally different concept. I highly recommend it! We are praying for you both!

Lindsay said...

I found your blog through one of your sister's friends and have prayed for you and thought of you often. I want you to know how encouraging it is to see how you handle your grief KNOWING the Lord is STILL on his throne!! Thank you for sharing your journey (even with those of us who will never meet you!). May you continue to find your JOY in Him! You have one more prayer warrior lifting you up in College Station, TX!

Jessica said...

Aww Im so sorry, your heart will heal over time.

I don't mean to be totally rube by asking this: How did she die? Do they know what went wrong?

Kristin said...

Katie, Molly Piper touched on this recently on her blog. http://thepipers.wordpress.com/

Praying that He will restore joy in His time.

Click Clack Mom said...

Dear Katie,

I wrote in a few days ago, but I wanted you to know your family has been on my heart and in my prayers so much lately. Your strength floors me.

I wanted you to know that you have been very inspirational for me. In church, we are always talking about getting in the word more because that's how God talks to us. And seeing how in your moments of deepest sorrows, you hear the word of God--I feel so compelled to spend more time with my Bible and commit more to memory. Your example is powerful.

Our family is sending your family love and prayers.

Amy

Summer said...

What a beautiful photo... I hope you will be able to smile and be happy again! I am praying for you and your family! You will smile again and you will always think of your precious Reese... When I had my miscarriages my friend sent me this bible verse "A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit" Proverbs 15:13 You will get through this...

Amanda said...

Katie,

The return to church was difficult yet comforting to me as well after Gavin passed away. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious Reese. In time, you will find laughter again. It is going to take time, be patient with yourselves. Remember, God's healing is not on a timetable. Your heart will always know that a very special, precious girl is missing but God will bring joy to your lives again. I pray that He continues to surround you with the love and support of family and friends.

Blessings,
Amanda

Forever missing Gavin 4/7-5/3/08

Kendra said...

I pray that God will restore hope within you for a joy that will come from Him.

Psalm 126
A song of ascents.

1 When the LORD brought back the captives to [a] Zion, we were like men who dreamed.

2 Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them."

3 The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.

4 Restore our fortunes, [c] O LORD,
like streams in the Negev.

5 Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy.

6 He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

hi-d said...

Hi Katie,

I happened to come across Shannon's Blog several months ago and saw her post recently about Reese. I don't know Shannon, but from what I've read, she sounds like a great person and has a great family!

You and your family have been in my prayers. I don't know what it is like to be in your shoes, but I can say that you are very strong! Going to church is a HUGE thing! I feel led to tell you that you shouldn't be hard on yourself (not saying that you are)...grief is a good thing, but it's not an "Event" it's a "Process." It is different for ALL people, but it will be accompanied by a bunch of emotions.

I went through a life changing event about a 1 1/2 years ago. I wrote down verses that spoke to me (during and through my process) and thought I'd share them with you. God Bless you!

In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:5-6

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:3-4

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

hi-d
http://hi-dho.blogspot.com/

The Niemeyer Nest said...

What a gorgeous picture! I LOVE it! Put it somewhere special to remind you of the happy times you have shared and the happy times that you will share in the future.

Lauren Kelly said...

Beautifully written Katie, and that picture is precious!!!

lisa king said...

katie~ I bet your first laugh will come from that precious little boy of yours. God will use him to heal you.
praying for you,
Lisa

Emily V. said...

Katie-
I have been following your blog for about two weeks now as I have been a Kellys Korner blog follower as well for a while. I haven't written in on either blog as I feel there are so many people out there that can say things so much better than I can or ever could. I've never lost a child so I could not even begin to imagine the pain your heart feels at this time. I truly know Jesus deep down in my heart and I have been praying for your sweet family through this loss. The first time I read your blog I was reading about the SPRINKLE that your friends had for you for Reece. I thought the idea was precious and have been following your blog ever since. I never dreamed that your blog with such a creative idea would turn into something that has truly touched my heart. I don't know what comforting words that I could say to give you peace, however I do know that God is real, he lives in my soul and he is the best source of peace that I've ever found. I know he can heal your pain and bring you joy once again. Your Reece has touched my heart and has brought me closer to where my priorities should really be. I pray that your family continues to make it through this tough time.

dg darling said...

Ummm...I hope you don't mind me asking...but....did you know Reese would have complications? If that's too personal please forgive me.

I pray for your family daily. I admire your faith. You are such a darling family and my heart just aches on your behalf. May you continue to be blessed with peace and comfort...

abxmomof3 said...

Katie,

My heart and soul go out to you and your family. Your wonderful family, husband and little Zman will help to get you through this rough time.

I stumbled across your blog before Reese was born and have been following reqularly. I did not realize that I knew you until I came across a picture of your mom and dad. Your brother Faber was a small clue!! I used to spend my summer in Osceola and your grandmother (Aunt Ella) and my grandmother (Ginny, aka mama gin) were the best of friends. Your mom would always bring you and your brother and sisters to the house when you came to visit. You come from a very blessed family.

I have never lost a child the way you have but I did suffer a miscarrage and both my boys were NICU babies. I understand a small piece of what you are going through. Just take one day at a time. The trees Jason planted are beautiful and they will be a great place to sit and think about your little Reese.

You have a strong religious background and that is surely a great help to you and your family. I think and pray for you guys daily.

With Love,

Victoria Driver Heydeneich

ehand said...

I totally understand where you are at right now. I couldn't go to church for almost a month afterwards because of the anxiety that I went thru every time of walking into that room without my baby. One Sunday I was pregnant, the next I was not, with no baby. I just felt awkward to me. As we went thru his birthday a few weeks ago I had the same anxiety come back. I know it will get better as the years go one but I don't ever want to forget my little guy. I will also probably be in a funk when I approach his planned 1 year birthday which is in October. But I do know and hope that you know that God takes us through these circumstances so that we can help others and minister to others. I don't understand how people who aren't believers can ever survive going through this. All of our church members were so amazed at how we coped through it all but it was only by God's grace and love that we were able to handle it the way that we did. We are still leaning on him every day as we still miss our little boy. I am praying for you Katie.

Kelli said...

Gorgeous photo of the two of you. I believe that you will be forever changed by the loss of Reese, but through God's peace and comfort you'll be able to find joy again. I am in prayer for your family daily!!!

Angie said...

I love that picture of you and Jason. You will smile and laugh. Your life will change, you will view many things differently. Reese will always be a part of you and your family.

I will be praying for you. Please feel free to email me if you want. I know you have so many surrounding you which is wonderful, just know you have one more mom friend who misses her baby girl too.

norang@bethel.edu

thoughts of a beggar said...

As a new follower, my heart is breaking for you and your family, Katie. You and yours are in my heart and mind forever. Loss is an incredible thing, but God is faithful.

In the love of Christ,
(another) Katie

Jennifer said...

Katie, I'm not sure WHEN you will laugh again, but I know you two well enough to know that you WILL laugh again. I'm sure we can help you both find a little humor in life. Come to North Carolina. Just getaway, let me spoil little Zach rotten, and he can get to know his lifelong BFF. I can promise lots of laughs too. I just pulled Kohen off our table, and he was about to swing from our light! OH, and Kohen will dance for you, but only for you! Heck, bring the dog too. Riley can meet Hank, fall in love, and maybe, just maybe, she'll want to move in with us. :)

We think of you all many, many times throughout the day. We also pray hard for you guys.

Jennifer said...

Oops...forgot something...if you want to see Jason laugh outloud, tell him to watch Kyle on the news. The link is posted on my blog. :)

Candy Johnson said...

Oh, dear! I just looked over my comment, and it is showing my name as "Jennifer." I am not Jennifer, but I am Candy Johnson. I have NO idea how I showed up as Jennifer. Who is Jennifer? Weird!

Laura said...

Your eyes in pictures will have a different look to them..a joy that only Jesus could put there and a longing for eternity.

I think of you often and am praying for your heart tonight.

Maegan Hill said...

Hi Katie,
Came across your blog a few days ago. So very sorry for your loss.
I noticed that you mentioned you had an emergency c-section under local anesthetic. I went through the same thing almost two years ago with the birth of my son. I had never heard of it happening to anyone before.
I hope you are healing well from the surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

sarah jones said...

You will, I promise! God is good, and He wants you to have joy, and love, and peace. You will laugh, but you will always remember, too. God is good to help you day by day learn that you can love Reese, and miss her, but have joy, too. God is good.

~Nicole~ said...

Still praying for your peace and comfort from Texas.

Adventures of Laura said...

I still remember the first time we truly laughed after our baby's death. I felt guilty about it but it felt good to laugh again, too.

So glad you went to church yesterday. I thought of you as we worshiped and prayed for you.

Bekka said...

I HOPE YOU GUYS SMILE AGAIN BECAUSE YOU GUYS LOOK BEAUTIFUL IN THE PICTURE!

Melanieshea said...

You have such an amazing faith!!!! I know I only see what is on your blog and I do not know you, but I CAN see faith!!! That is so awesome!!! I am still praying for you and Jason!!!! The picture of the two of you is just beautiful!!!! Hugs!!!! Melanie

 
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