Saturday, August 13, 2011

2 & 13

We had a sweet time as a family on Reese's birthday. Thank you for celebrating her life with us! We feel so loved, and she is one loved little girl.

Two years ago today Reese met Jesus. Thirteen months ago He gave us Colson. On what could be a completely terrible day, GOD has given us a constant reminder of His faithfulness.

When Reese was born we were instantly surrounded by our families and friends and people we had never met. I continue to be amazed and so humbled and blessed by everyone's prayers and support.

Many of you have been so encouraging to say we have handled this path with strength and faith. I love and trust Jesus with everything in me, but oh my goodness, if you could only see the mess of my heart. 

How can anyone truly handle the death of a child with grace? 

Grief is a complicated ugly thing, and it has bled into every part of me, leaving nothing untouched.

Someone emailed me recently saying that losing a child takes away the innocence of pregnancy. It's true. It takes away the innocence of many things. Reese makes me a better woman and mom, but the effects of losing her are endless and great. 

Jason and I have been attacked like never before, but by GOD's grace we have always stood side by side. He is my best friend and the love of my life.

Sometimes in the afternoons while the boys are asleep I will be having a hard time missing Reese. Then in the quiet and stillness of our home Colson will start crying. It's like the LORD is saying, "Here is My gift to you to hold in your arms while I have Reese. See My goodness in him!"

Losing a child can become a silent grief. But it's a silence only the LORD can fill and He does if I let Him.

Recently the LORD brought a woman into my life who is teaching me many things about loss. She encourages me to invite the LORD into this journey of pain. I know the LORD is with me always, but I love how she phrases this. Today these words of wisdom stand out to me.

*Satan is a deceiver. He always does the same thing over and over. He never does anything new. He wants me to become bitter and isolate myself.

*GOD is creative. He's a creative GOD who wants to do new and fresh things in my life. He is always working.

*Who am I in agreement with? I am always agreeing with someone. Is it Satan or the Lord?

*GOD is sovereign. I will never understand why Reese is not with us, but I trust He is sovereign. His sovereignty is the answer to many of my questions until I get to Heaven and ask Him myself. ; )

Two years ago Jason and I let our only daughter go. I never thought I would smile or laugh or ever truly have a good day again.

GOD has given us wonderful days since then as only He can do. We know the deepest pain a parent could feel and yet our joy is deeper somehow, too. Our laughter and smiles mean more than they did before Reese was born.

GOD is good. He is faithful. He redeems. He is healing me very very slowly and knows just what I need each day.

Thank you thank you for caring for us and our sweet baby girl over the past two years.

Happy 13 months, Colson! We love you more than you'll ever know.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalm 20:7


Bourg Family said...

That is too cute ob his booty! I love it! I may have to put Connor's there when he starts crawling. (IF he ever starts crawling.)

Kelley said...

God IS good. He is FAITHFUL. And HE does redeem. Love you, thinking of you, hurting and praising with you, and of course, praying for you.

The Anglin Family said...

Amazing grace. I know only by His grace, that I have made it through so many days. I'm not quite sure how people make it through without Him. Grief is a funny thing, and I don't think it ever goes away. I see how you inspire others in your faith and I see some of the comments you get, and it makes me smile. I know Reese has touched so many hearts and will continue to. She has a good mama. You are beautiful inside and out.
Colson is sweet perfection!

Leah said...

Katie, i have followed you since the very begining when sweet Reese was in the hospital. I have cried for you and hugged my boys a little tighter. You are truly a woman of God and such a great example of TRUE faith. I think about Reese often and pray for you to have the strength to face each day. We had a lose in our family to my cousin he was 1 years old happy and healthy one day and died the next. They dont know why. One day we will both get to see them again and what a great day that will be. Praying for you and your family.

Dru said...

Oh' Katie... I pulled yup your blog on my phone while sitting here with two of my children. I am trying to hold back the tears. I look at my daughter, Caroline Reese, everyday and think of you. When she smiles I think of you, when she is fussy and wearing me thin I think of you. I tell myself you would take 365 days of fussy just to have your baby. I am so glad you posted those phrases. My battle with Satan is him slipping into my mind and making me think something might happen to one of my children. That God is going to take one of them from me. I constantly tell myself only Satan would say those things. Your boys are so precious. I know you love them dearly.


tiffany said...

Oh Katie - Your faith is inspiring and your journey through the loss of sweet Reese so raw and real and painful. I love how you can be reminded of what God has given to you on those quiet afternoons when you are hurting. Your words are powerful - thank you for sharing. Always holding you close in prayer. XOXO

Lindsey said...

Absolutely BEAUTIFUL post!

Brittany said...

My heart aches for you, Katie! Praying for strength and comfort, smiles and laughter for you today.

The Niemeyer Nest said...

Beautiful, inspiring post! I am thinking of you today.

Summer said...

wow well said sweet friend. I'm in tears again. Is that sticky stickers on his tooshie? LOL how cute...

love you

Heather L. said...

Oh Katie. Every word you wrote today strikes a chord with me. Grief is a mess. It does change everything about you. It makes you a different person. You have made it make you a better person - you (and God) are winning! I am still hoping that it will make me a better person. Some days I feel that it has. Some days, I am really not sure at all. It's so hard. As I approach my due date, I am angry again. I long for the day that I don't feel the tears behind my eyes, that I don't get angry and that I don't question "Why?" You truly are my hero - I pray to have the strength and faith that you have shown over the last two years.

Deborah said...

I love how you talk about God's creativity...creativity in our lives. Taking us to new and exciting places. That is such an encouragement to me! I will remember that.
Love Colson's little teeth in his big smile!

Sarah said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart so openly. Standing beside you in prayer.

Rebecca said...

Katie, you always inspire me through your eloquent words of God! He knew I needed to hear what you wrote today. Your faith is very inspiring to me, thanks for sharing it through your blog.

Mer said...

What a precious smile that baby boy has. Love you girly...praying for you constantly this week. I'm always gone this week, but I have a lot of time to think about Reese and your journey since she went to Jesus. There is a lot to consider..hard to wrap your mind around it. I love you much..thankful for healing. love

Mindy said...

Amazing post, Katie. Thank you. Praying for you...

The words you share today are so applicable to so many of us in so many different ways. WOW.

Kristin said...

I think so often of you and your sweet little girl, and pray for you as well. When I see the pictures of her my heart aches for you. I have been trying to get more in touch my faith lately and your post brought so many things to light. Your words are inspring.

Carolina Girl said...

Those are some powerful words of wisdom and I thank you for sharing them with us. I think we can all apply them to our lives.

Happy Birthday to Miss Reese! I've always thought she was a beautiful girl, but looking at her pictures here again has touched my heart even deeper. She is even more beautiful today than yesterday. Her perfect eyes and lips are so scrumptious! :)

I'm touched by the love in your family and by the love and closeness you and Jason share. What a great love story the two of you have. A great example and legacy for your little ones!

Love Colson's picky sticky bottom!
And look at those two teeth coming in on the bottom!


hi-d said...

I love your raw honesty, Katie!I can't begin to imagine what you have gone through or continue to go through.

God is so evident in your life! You will never know the encouragement you are to so many people, this side of heaven.

You are absolutely right! Satan is ONE BIG FAT LIAR! He is the opposite of ALL things TRUE and GOOD!

God bless you, sweet lady! I wish I could give you a big hug!


Rebekah said...

You have been on my mind, on my heart, in my prayers and everything in between over the last several days. GOD is sovereign and He is so so GOOD! Somehow He always finds new ways to bless us! I know He always blesses me through you!

Kayla said...

Oh you sweet thing your sweet words get me every time. My love goes out to you and your family

Heather @ A Little Hope in My Pocket said...

Katie - I just came across your blog and am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post and your words are oh so true. Prayers for you and your family.

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