Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Nightmare

Sometimes things do not hit me until I read them. Make sense? The other day I was reading about another woman who lost a baby. She said, "We are living every parents' worse nightmare, and we are surviving." Wow, is this what we are doing? Are we living though ever parents' nightmare? I cannot speak for every parent, but it struck me in a whole new way what we are experiencing.

I'm not sure Jason and I are surviving, but we are loving deeper, laughing more with every smile Zach gives us, and cherishing every moment with each other more than ever before. Sometimes I've even a bit "needy." Ha! Hard to admit. I can't help that I don't want to let Jason out of my sight. He is some kind of special to me. Though Satan's attacks are brutal and constant, GOD holds us steady.


I recently heard a song I had to share. It speaks so perfectly of what happened to us with Reese and who we are holding onto. About GOD's answers...His yes AND His no. We received a "No" from GOD to have a long life with Reese on earth as our daughter, but we still have to trust Him just as much as when His answer is "Yes." Easier said than done, I know, but oh, how He is faithful!

I could say so much more, but I'll let you listen to the words. The song is Waiting Room by Jonny Diaz.



Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you thank you for all of your prayers.


He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:29 - 30

31 comments:

The Niemeyer Nest said...

Beautiful post as always! I appreciate your honesty. Most of us certainly cannot even imagine your pain but we feel some of your pain. I think of you daily as I care for my daughter. Blessings and prayers to your family at Thanksgving! I am thankful for you!

Jodi Lansink said...

Sometimes it does feel like a nightmare...but never thought of it like that either. You are not alone, I feel the same way, I dont' want my husband out of my site, and get anxiety if I have to go places without him, and feel way more protective of my other children now too. I will listen to the song, you always post such beautiful songs! Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Kelli said...

Hugs and prayers for comfort and peace!! May God's love hold you strongly as you travel this road!!!

lrstan said...

Waiting Room... that's the song that when I first heard the CD you automatically came to mind. It embraced so many things you have been saying in your posts about Reece. I knew I had to send you a copy of this CD.

Sending warm blessings to you and your family during this holiday season.

Summer said...

What a beautiful post Katie! You have been on my mind alot the past couple of days and your not gonna believe this but yesterday I was purchasing a shirt for Kelcee on Etsy and the sample had REESE on it.... and then this morning I was commenting on someones blog and the security word to type was oh yes REESE! It made me smile and then ache for you!
Happy Thanksgiving my Sweet blogger friend....
Summer :0)

Alison said...

I've been thinking and praying for your family this week.
Your faith and example to others is still amazing. Happy Thanksgiving to ya'll.

Kubin's said...

I've been thinking of you a lot lately with the holiday coming up. I'll be praying extra hard too for you and Jason! I pray that you have a good Thanksgiving with Jason and Zack and the rest of your family.
Lots of love!
Christie
TX

Lauren Kelly said...

Love you very much Katie, and so glad to have found you in the blog world.

Hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!!! :)

Kelley said...

Beautiful song, and a beautiful faith. With love and prayers ~
Kelley

Launa said...

Yes, what you are going through is one of a mothers worst fears... but know His glory is being shown in your life. Hope you are having a blessed day and that you have a good Thanksgiving weekend!

thoughts of a beggar said...

Katie, you did it again! A wonderful post! And it's so true. When we lose someone so close to us, one whose life was cut short or one whose didn't get to even start, it's a nightmare. Thank you for your words--they are beautiful.

katie

Tristan said...

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Beautiful post.

Carla said...

The picture is precious. SO special.

Blessings and prayers from,
Carla in Columbia, MD

Tamara said...

God Bless you. I've been a 'silent' reader for months now but wanted to share with you how much you are blessing others by sharing your mourning. Your family is in my prayers. Happy Thanksgiving!

jessica said...

we are surviving...even though it is unbearable at times. you are an incredibly strong woman and i hope that this holiday season you find yourself smiling and laughing...enjoying the sweet moments...I pray that the hurt and sting are not paralyzing and that your heart is filled with joy beyond content. love you sweet friend!

Taylor Made said...

Katie,
I think you and I are so much alike! I followed my husband EVERYWHERE after we lost Addison. If he went to check the mail, there I was behind him; If he sat on the couch, there I was. I was like a little puppy, constantly under his feet! So don't feel bad about being needy, I've been there too. In times like these, we need a constant. You have God, Jason, and Zach as your constants...so cling to them as tight and as much as you want!

Praying for a peaceful Thanksgiving for you....full of JOY!

Love, Leah

Kathryn said...

I can relate to what you read, in that some days I feel like I'm just "surviving". Even after 13 years, there are days I feel my heart is going to explode because I ache for Madison so much.

Other days, I know I am being "sustained" by the hand of the Almighty Sovereign God, who ordained all of this to pass before the foundations of the earth. He knew I would need Him at year 13, just as much as I needed Him at day one.

Holidays are the hardest. I buy an ornament for Madison each year just like I do the other kids. This year it will have her picture on it, because I'm making it. We decorate the tree, and then MOMMY is the one that gets to put all of her ornaments on the tree. Then everyone clears the room, and I get some time to just sit in the dark with just the tree lights on, and play my favorite Christmas song "All Is Well"...because I believe it is. I don't dwell there long, because it's painful, but it's a special time for me. Pray for me as we'll be decorating tonight...sigh....

How I PRAY that you feel HELD today, because you are. I still don't like Andy out of my sight, or my children. I love deeper like you said, and cherish every moment God gives me with these dear ones in my life.

Praying you through the holidays dear Katie. As God brings you to my mind I thank God for the gift of Reese, and for how she has touched all of our lives, just as I know Madison has touched so many.

May God give you peace, hope, comfort, and GREAT grace this holiday season...

Love to you ~ Kathryn

The Morris Family said...

We did not get along life with them did we? but they will always and forever be our son and daughter and then one day we will be with them forever.....

Happy Thanksgiving to your family!!!!

Your special to my heart, I pray for you daily!!!

Cindy

Mary Ann said...

We lost a baby boy at birth 53 years ago. In the passing years, we had 4 beautiful children. We have never forgotten that he was part of our lives, however, we would not have had our oldest daughter if he had lived. You can't cancel out one with the other. We still remember his sweet life and what would have been if he had lived, our son would have had a brother, instead of a big sister and twin sisters after him. We have never forgotten that precious life and know that one day we will wrap our arms around him like we never got to do here on earth. You are fortunate that you have that precious boy already, we had not had a baby and believe me it was hard, so very hard. I had miscarried at 8 weeks before losing him, but we rejoiced in our Love, in our precious new lives and our baby boy in heaven. May God grant you a calm peace and a sweet remembrance.

Becky said...

Thanksgiving blessings Katie. Thank you for sharing Reese, your grief, and what God is teaching you through it to us.

Leanne said...

That is a beautiful, perfect picture of Reese's head in your hands.

I am imagining living the nightmare, because we live it too.

You are not alone. Judging by the loving and supportive comments on your posts, there are so many who walk with you and lift you up. Cling to that for all you're worth.

There will come a day when it will not be such a nightmare anymore. Trust me.

With Love

Karen said...

Beautiful post, Katie....

God is using your story in a mighty way...in my life and in my journey and for countless others, I'm sure.

Blessings this Thanksgiving!

Tracychele @ The Week-Ender said...

Hi Katie. I hope you guys have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I know you are thankful for the time you had with Reese, your sweet little Zach, your wonderful Husband, Jason, many friends who care so much (including ones you have never met) and a fabulous family! I am certainly thankful for you and your faith and strength. Keep your sweet head up!

hi-d said...

Beautiful song. Thank you! That brought a tear to my eye...I posted it on facebook. I've never heard of it before...

God is with you, Katie. May you comfort you and give you peace today on this Thanksgiving and always!

In Christ,
hi-d

hi-d said...

That picture of you and Jason holding Reese in your hands...so precious...then hearing that song reminded me of how that's the picture of Jesus with us...He's got us in the palm of his Hand...(and the whole world)...

Love it!

Shady Lady! said...

Happy Thanksgiving! Hang in there - praying for you guys. When Claire was born we were in NICU for 8 days bc she had "wet lung" from my c-section. Those were the hardest 8 days of my life. I can remember so well the pain I felt, and I can only imagine yours. I am lifting you up!

Brandi said...

Just wanted to send Thanksgiving blessings to you and your family. I've been thinking of you all day long... my thoughts and prayers are with you.

jayfersgirl said...

I was just sitting here thinking of you today...I can only try to imagine how hard these first holidays without sweet Reese are for you. Praying for you...

Krista said...

Katie, i LOVE The Waiting Room by Jonny! Seriously, i've met the guy, and boy is he genuine! Now I will pray for you everytime I hear that song! Many blessings today & always!
~Krista from Seattle

Kathryn said...

I had to put the decorating off until tomorrow. I just wasn't in the right frame of mind to handle that last night. We'll do it during the day while it's light out, and then go do something as a family afterwards. That will snap me out of any sadness that comes :)

JRMG said...

Thank you for sharing that song.

 
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