Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Anything

The days just fly by, and I realize I haven't blogged! Lately all I've been doing is playing tennis and chasing around our boys. They are in such a fun phase and getting along pretty well. Love it!

Here are a few pics from instagram (katierowe7) this week.
I'm pretty sure we are the last ones to find out you can check out dvds from the library. ; )
 The grocery store is always an adventure.
This morning a high school boy gave Colson this balloon. His face says it all.

Zach has been telling me he doesn't like Reese's flowers. ; ) This just makes me laugh. He told me he wants her to have blue flowers, so I'm sure she will get some blue flowers this spring.

The other night I read something beautiful from Jennie Allen's blog:

"See we get one life. One. And whatever God’s story for us is- do we want it? Or are we fighting it? I’m tired of striving and pretending to control."

Then I watched this video. Twice. The first time I listened and let it sink in. The second time I couldn't hold back the tears. The first question "What is the thing you want more than any other thing in the world?" My answer? I immediately knew. A daughter. A little girl to hold and watch grow up.

And sometimes I just don't know what to do with that.

Yes, I've been in a really good place for awhile. Yes, it was at night (when I'm tired and most vulnerable) and yes we are smack dab in the middle of winter's bitter darkness and cold. I get that. 

But only God Himself could ever take away my desire to have a daughter on this earth. Will He? Probably not. So is He really asking me to give up this desire to Him even though He was the one who took Reese away from me in the first place? I think He is.

Also in the video Jennie talks about what if your worst fear happened and you found out that GOD was still good? My worst fear has happened, and I know GOD is good.

I'm so blessed. I'm not sure what GOD wants to do with my "anything," but I don't have to. I'll just trust that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined the things that GOD has prepared for those who love Him."

...worship the LORD with all your heart. Don't turn away to follow worthless things that can't profit or deliver you...

1 Samuel 12:20-21

15 comments:

Taylor said...

Love this. And your heart!

Leanne said...

Yes.

I understand your heart, having had my worst fear happen to me also...

God IS good. For me, really coming to a belief in that means getting into the Word, bathing myself in it, constantly having my Bible near to hand, and just reading and reading and reading those words over and over. I'll be honest, the thought that God IS good no matter what, and believing that, is probably one of my biggest struggles.

Thanks for your honesty!

Vickie said...

I have this poem on my refrigerator, it is a reminder to me....

He Answers All Our Needs
There's no problem too big
And no question too small,
Just ask God in faith
And He'll answer them all..
Not always at once,
So be patient and wait,
For "God never comes
too soon or too late",
So trust in His wisdom
And believe in His word,
For no prayer is unanswered
And no prayer is unheard.

You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Becky said...

Oh Katie - You are so dear. As my best friend had to tell her dying daughter that she would never go to college, never get married, God had other plans for her, I think of you. Actually, Reese has blessed me! I would probably never have heard of Cradled. I would never had known of a beautiful woman in Arkansas who has blessed my heart. I think that somewhere out there is a girl who needs a mama and you will bless her in a way you may not even realize now. I found a new daughter in our church teen group. A girl from a very horrible home who honors God because she chooses to - not because she is encouraged to. I love to feel her arms around me and hear her tell me that she loves me. She is very precious to me.

I see your guys by that boboli bread. One of my favorite meals is grilled pizza on boboli bread!

Margot said...

Katie,
Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful heart. I ache along with you and at the same time ALWAYS feel so encouraged by your faith and trust in God. It is such a struggle to trust in His plan, his timing, instead of mine. I can relate to feeling tired of "fighting" the timing and plan in my mind and giving in to His. I have not a single doubt that God has amazing things in store for you. Baby girl Reese is watching over you and is blessing you and your sweet family in ways we cannot even imagine. I always ask God to allow our angels to watch over us and bless our family and prayerfully, their future siblings. You are such an inspiration to me and your strength, perserverence and hope are contagious. Thank you for sharing your honest words and kind spirit!

Colleen said...

Katie, maybe it is time to try for another baby girl. ;)

Stephanie Johnson said...

Thanks for sharing and for posting the link to the video.

Summer said...

This my friend is amazing. Your heart is so big, so beautiful, you glow from the inside out and I am so happy and blessed to call you my friend! When I got your message to me I was so tickled your simple hello's brighten my day and YOU seem to know when I need them most as do you know I know when you need them as well! Reese is so lucky to have you as a mother and she is looking down so proud of you! I love her flowers they are perfect for the season I am laughing that Z wants blue of course he does he's all boy ha! YOu will have to be creative with blue and red ha! The picture of the boys in the buggy I die! Just awesome! I love Colson's face with that balloon! How nice of the HS kid to give it to him! This bible verse is amazing. I want to tell you as you are healing you are helping heal me as well. Reading this bible verse as I get ready to go into the hospital for numereous tests not knowing if this disease has attacked my lungs more I still trust GOD, I still know he has a plan for me, for us, and your words this morning I needed most! I love you girl! Summer

doyleL said...

Katie, Thank you for sharing your heart. I know that I have grown so much in my relationship with Christ just by your words and your sharing. Know that it is making a difference. One of my very best friends has three boys and lost a little girl and I know that her heart aches for the same thing. I can't wait to share this link with her.

rsvpshindig said...

THANK YOU. Such a great post. I lost a baby at 31 weeks in October. I never once faltered in saying I believe in God and what he has given us.

Losing a child is the worst thing you can feel, imagine, live. But, to believe in God and to ask for his graces I feel I have to take all of his graces.

We have two other precious children that have helped us to keep going. Daily I ask myself do we want another one because we feel the loss of our 3rd child. Or do we want another one because we want another one? I am putting it in God's hands and we shall see.

Mer said...

LOVE THESE BOYS! I really like the flowers, but yes, blue they shall be:) Love you!

Mer said...

LOVE THESE BOYS! I really like the flowers, but yes, blue they shall be:) Love you!

The Graham Family said...

Katie,
have you considered adoption? There are many many many little girls out there in great need of loving parents? :) I only ask because I know you are of great faith (as am I) and you would provide such a wonderful home for a daughter in need.

Julie said...

I've been reading for a long time but have never posted. This post really touched me. I have 3 boys and have always lived with the dream of having a girl. I can't imagine finally getting a girl and then losing her. We are moving from NC all the way to AZ as my husband is a pastor...we are going to a new church that is dying...so I 'm not sure I will have any more as we will be super busy. I never dreamed that I wouldn't have a girl. Its hard isn't it! I love reading your blog- and shannon's...I know we would be friends in real life!ha Follow me at www.thefamilyof3scotts.blogspot.com or my new blog about our journey to AZ - www.scottsinthedesert.blogspot.com
We leave in June- leaving behind ALL of my family--everything I've ever known. Pray for us!

Aim said...

thank you for your honesty! I too have nights where I wallow in what I don't have only to then be turned to God's truth soon after and realize all the wonderful things I have learned through my daughter not living the life I thought she should. Always wanting what I can't have and being blind to the things he has given me that are in my reach. Isn't it crazy what the 'night time' will do to our minds? Makes us forget for a bit and become so emotional. So hard yet so refreshing to sometimes let it all out. Blessings.

 
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