Wow! Thank you thank you for your sweet words. We're so blessed by everyone's excitement and prayers! It seems like we've known forever (since Thanksgiving!), so we are thrilled and refreshed our big news is out in the open. Thank you for those who have been praying especially for us with Reese and now baby #3. For those curious (like me!), I thought I would share some baby details. ; )
I am thirteen weeks today. Yes, we were trying for this baby almost immediately after Reese went to Heaven. It's just where are hearts were. She definitely changed my heart to want more children. We tried and waited for Reese and were not able to bring her home, so our desire was and is to have another baby. I started clomid, and GOD blessed us again.
We will meet with a high risk pregnancy physician beginning in February. He also oversaw Reese and me when I was in the hospital last May, so he is completely aware of our situation. He will do an in-depth ultrasound, and we'll go from there. I've already started my list of questions to ask him.
We should also find out at this appointment what the sex is. We definitely want to know. ; )
We have no doubt GOD is in control and has this little life in the very palm of His hand. We also believe He gives us wisdom and responsibility to do everything within our power to be extra cautious. Whatever this means for us (more ultrasounds, meeting several times with the high risk doctor), we will do. I'm sure I'll be up at the hospital every day during the spring and summer just to hear the baby's heartbeat. I don't think anyone will stop me. ; )
How are we feeling? Scared doesn't even describe it, but we are not constantly consumed with fear either. We continue to feel carried by your sweet prayers. We were so thankful to hear the baby's heartbeat Monday and see his or her perfect little body on the ultrasound. We can only take it one day at a time as we have been doing.
As you can imagine, my emotions have been CRAZY. Continuing to process everything with Reese, healing, imagining yet a new life when I hardly got to know Reese, and everything in between. I've felt feelings I never even knew I had (and some I wish I didn't). You never know what you are going to get when you see me, and I don't either. Ha! So true.
Monday night after Z went to bed, Jason and I were talking about everything that happened at my appointment and letting it all sink in. It was a big day for us! I was completely fine until I started talking about if I have to go through and pack up Reese's closet (if we have a boy). Tears came from nowhere and kept flowing. I was beyond thrilled to have a new baby growing inside me and missing Reese greatly at the same moment. In times like these, I'm so glad to know truth like this, "He who calls you is faithful..." (I Thess. 5:24) Like my Mom said, "Honey, we'll love you through it all. We're not going anywhere." Such truth and security in those words.
Reese will always be just as much our child as Z and others to follow, but she will always be different because she will be the daughter we never got to fully know. Her personality, likes, dislikes, quirks, and talents all wrapped up in her 6 lb. 6 oz. body we will never get to discover. It's seems impossible for me right now to face that I will not say her name one hundred times a day like I do Zach's or our future children. As with many other things, it's just something GOD will have to gently work out in my heart over time. He will settle me with His quiet strength.
I'm thankful I do not feel like we are leaving Reese behind in any way. What a day what a day when we see her again!
It's been a lot of fun seeing people these past few days now that we are telling everyone. News we can all genuinely smile and laugh about. Seeing friends excited just makes me that much more excited. It's refreshing!
I have several sweet friends who are trying to get pregnant (some who have lost babies like we have or through miscarriage and others who haven't). I don't take their feelings lightly at all because I can identify...from trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, letting go of a baby, and starting all over again. Great happiness and deep heartache.
So many things are happening at once, but I feel at peace. Being a mom to Zach, healing, being pregnant again, GOD gives me just the grace I need right when I feel overwhelmed. I am so sinful and weak. He is so faithful.
We love you and miss you always, baby girl. Thank you for being GOD's messenger to your dad and me of His unfailing presence. What big plans He had (and still has) for you in your little body!
a time to be born...a time to heal...a time to build...a time to mourn...a time to mend...
Ecclesiastes 8:2-4, 7