Friday, August 13, 2010

One Year

Our family with Reese one year ago ~

We made it.

One full year.

As a friend wrote to me this morning it's "the day that has taken forever to get here, and yet somehow came too fast."

I'm not sure where or who I thought I would be when this day arrived. Better? Stronger? Healed? Still broken? I'm so thankful I do not have to define myself because Jesus knows right where I am.

He knows the crushing feeling I have felt this month as I dreaded Reese's birthday and glory day approaching. He sees me when I am so overwhelmed I cannot breathe. He counts every tear I cry. He feels the depth of pain in my heart that I cannot even express.

He understands the joy I feel as I see Zach and Colson. Our sons. He brings me back to His goodness and faithfulness.

Some of you have walked this road with us for an entire year. A year of countless "firsts" without Reese.
How have we made it to this day, August 13, 2010?

Through countless prayers and tears.
Through Jason holding me and not saying a word.

Through Zach getting me out of bed every morning.
Through my mom calling and asking, "How's your heart today?"

Through my Dad's sensitive words.
Through Mandy's reminders not to rush myself with healing.

Through Meredith's guidance to GOD's truth.
Through Faber's answers to all of my questions about Colson's new life.

Through Shannon's ease in talking about Reese.
Through Bo, Cody, and Andrew's gentle support and presence.

Through watching Jason's parents be there for him (and me). I know where he gets his quiet humble strength.
Through our parents watching Zach when I needed to think and focus on Reese.

Through countless texts or emails from friends saying, "I love you. I miss her, too."
Through other moms who have babies in Heaven rushing to my side.

Through thoughtful gifts given in honor of Reese.
Through a stranger's comforting words.

Through Jesus' love and tenderness throughout the long days and dark nights.
Through new friends, old friends, and friendships deepened.

Through knowing Reese is wonderful and safe in Heaven with the Lord and many other loved ones.
This little guy may have something to do with it, too. ; )
Happy one month, Colson. We're so happy you are here.
Many more things have led us to this day. Hugs, laughter, answers to prayers. I love you in Christ, and thank you for loving us with Jesus's love this year.

Thank you Jesus, for the hope we have in You.

The LORD will work out His plans for my life--for Your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for You made me.

Psalm 138:8

74 comments:

Brandi said...

This post moved me to tears. I have been praying for your family for over a year now. I think of you every single day and I am so in awe of your faith!! Your three little miracles are so precious!!!

Alison said...

WOW Katie! That could not have been written any better. What a wonderful celebration and Happy 1 month Birthday Colson!

Todd and Courtney said...

You did it! I totally teared up reading this post too. I miss her too.

Lindsey said...

I think I originally found your blog from Kelly's. I have read since the day Reese was born. I have prayed for you and contine too as well. I can't imagine the pull between joy and sorrow you must feel. Let God carry you....and may you continue to feel his peace! Praying extra today....Reese I'm sure is enjoy her birthday in Heaven with angels singing and dancing with her!

Lindsey
http://arewardfromhim.blogspot.com

Diane said...

Love this post, love the pictures, and love you guys! I have been thinking and praying for you all year. I remember last year finding out I could barely hold myself together longer then 5 minutes. You are so beautiful, just like your daughter. We will continue to keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

Love you!

Jaime said...

x <3 o

Linds said...

wow. What strong pillars of support you have around you! I can't believe it's already been one year. My heart aches for you, for I know that deep down you miss her terribly. My heart rejoices with you, as you celebrate new life in Colson. God has such a beautiful way of orchestrating the chaos of our lives. It's so refreshing to know that He's holding Reese close and that someday we'll all get to meet His little princess. Continuing to pray for your precious family...

BKCM said...

You write so gracefully and moving. You are an amazing mom!!!

Kimberley said...

Simply beautiful, just like Reese.

Sarah said...

Happy birthday,sweet sweet Reese.♥

Amanda* said...

Oh Katie! How beautiful. I found your blog through Kelly's Korner last year and I've continued to follow your story ever since. You guys are still in my thoughts and prayers. What a homecoming you all will have one day! And just think of the AMAZING birthday Reese is sharing with Jesus! How precious.

Jennifer said...

precious post - you have been on my heart this week

The Mama said...

This post was absolutely beautiful. Reese, you are missed today and always. I know your parents cannot wait to see you again in heaven. Praying for your family Katie, as always

Lauren said...

Katie, words cannot even begin to express what a joy it’s been and humbling to walk this journey with you and your family and to be able to love on y’all. And I say joy because I believe joy can be found in even the darkest of circumstances. I have been blessed beyond measure by the precious life of sweet Reese. Thank you for sharing her with us. I love you!!!!!

Autumn said...

Wow, tears are flowing after reading this post. I first came to your blog when Reese was born. You have such an amazing strength and faith in God that is inspirational. Reese must be so proud to have such a wonderful mommy who is so strong through all you have been through. Happy Birthday Reese!! God Bless your family!

Shannon said...

Love you!

Sara said...

I am holding back tears, although letting them out would be ok. I am so grateful I met you in the waiting room and you so graciosly hugged me in thanks for praying for you and your family. You have shown such strength this past year, but being a reader before Reese came into this world I was not surprised. I am so glad you were able to be with your family who mean so much to you on this day and release those balloons in her honor. I am so grateful that you still have such a strong belief in God's plan and rely on him for strength. It has brought me closer to God and strengthened my belief as well. Most of all, I just want to say that you are an amazing mother to your three beautiful children!! I was going to email you today with all of this, but rather, just put it on here.

On another note...Happy One Month Birthday to Colson. What a cutie!!

The Buchanan Family said...

tears for you and your family. Praying.

nault's nook said...

I am in tears for you sweet friend! Oh the hope we have in Christ!!

Harris Family said...

I'm friends with Rebekah Harris,so I have been following your blog for a while now. What an amazing post! You are such an inspiration, and a strong woman. Zach, Reese, and Colson are so lucky they are blessed to have you as their mother. Thinking of you today! God Bless.

Jenny said...

Your strength in sharing all of this has amazed me. Your family and friends are amazing and I am so glad that you have strong pillars of support. Happy birthday to your beautiful angel Reese and Happy 1 month birthday to your precious boy Colson! May God continue to comfort you and Jason.

Emery Wilkerson said...

Katie- I'm speechless.. That was such a heartfelt post.. All of yours are heartfelt, but that one was really special. Tears are streaming down my face! Continuing to pray for your family!

Summer said...

Katie,
I am crying as I write this note to you! I can't believe it has been a year!! Girlie you know I have been here from the beginning with you and will always be here for you and always be your friend, your sister in Christ!! I think of you every single day and there are days I will see something and I think of Reese and I smile, or I tear up for you....You are beyond amazing, your strength, your faith!!

I love those flowers just stunning, and the balloon release is beyond perfect! Um do I see a red one? LOL how cute of you, red is you fav color after all....

I know Reese is smiling big big from Heaven seeing all of her family sending such beautiful balloons and well wishes her way! I love that Colson was able to be here for this day too, to honor his big sister

Happy 1 month Colson, you are one lucky little dude, oh and can I add I believe you got your wish sweet girl he looks like you :0)

love you
Summer

Britton said...

You are an amazing woman of God. You have touched me, among countless others, with your strength, courage and incredible faith that we all know you can only get from our loving and giving Lord. You are truly an inspiration for the way I want and strive to live my life. Thank you for the person that you are and also for who you are not. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

In His love,
Britton
Only God knows how many apples are in each seed.

MacKenzie said...

this is the most beautiful post. i love how much you love your sweet girl. what a precious birthday and glory day she had. i'm still crying... your strength AND your hurt is beautiful because it's all wrapped up in the Lord. :)

Casi said...

Oh Katie - I just cried through reading your post. Words truly cannot express how Reese and your family have touched my heart.

Recently I was working on homework in the Beth Moore study "Beloved Disciple" and the following question was posed: "Who have you watched weather what seemed to be an insurmountable storm with grace and an unwavering love for the Lord?"

My answer, dear friend, was you. Hands down. Thank you for being real, for sharing your sweet family with us and for being an example for the rest of us.

Lindsey said...

Well written. Looked to be a beautiful celebration. :)

Newlywed and Decorating said...

Love Colson's smile! What a blessing on this day.

3LittleByrds said...

Wow what a touching post. I cried through the whole thing. You can tell how much Reese was loved and still is. I don't know you personally but following you for over a year has made me wish I did Katie. You're such a strong person and mama. I'm sure Reese is looking down on you saying "That's my mama isn't she wonderful."

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

Such a good post. Praying for you guys.

mattandlinz said...

Katie, your strength amazes me. You have such a beautiful family and they are so blessed to have you. Thank you for sharing your heart, I'm praying for you and your family of five.

Fabiola said...

I wish I could give you a big hug. The post is wonderful. And little Colson is so handsome!! You will have your hands full with those cuties ; )

hi-d said...

That was such a moving post! I was thinking about you earlier today and praying for you. God Bless you!

BKCM said...

that first pic of the balloons released almost looks like someone dancing. If you look sideways...the head is on the right. I think Reese was dancing in the sky!!!

Lindsayb-mo said...

Your attitude amazes me. I am so happy that you are able to be so positive and be such a witness for Christ's thru such a tragedy. Thank you for your sincere posts. They move me beyond words. May God bless you and your precious family.
Sending prayers and hugs your way.
In him,
Lindsay

Proud Grandma said...

what an amazing post - you are a great Mother and your post today was very beautiful - your children are all lucky to have you for their Mother.

katie said...

Along with the other cryers, I say thank you. You, Jason, Zach, Reese, and now Colson have all blessed my life. I'm so glad I got to meet you in April. It was the best birthday present. I thank God for you.

-katie in LR

Heather said...

Thinking about you today, praying for you today, asking God to comfort you in a way that only He can. You are an inspiration, thank you for sharing Reese with us. Bless you!!

Shelly said...

What a beautiful tribute to sweet baby Reese!!! Wow-I've got tears and goosebumps all at the same time. My heart aches for you, yet rejoices with you as well. Hang in there friend-your an inspiration to us all!

Happiness Is... said...

This is one of the best posts I've read on a blog in a long time - it's genuine, sweet, kind and full of praise for the Lord. Most of all, it just radiates hopefulness, which is a beautiful thing. Blessings.

The Conway's said...

I am amazed at your faith and strength! I loved your post...I couldn't fight the tears when I got to the releasing of the balloons.

The Vosslers said...

I still can't almost bear to think about it. I am still so terribly sorry. My sister-in-law had two babies die before I was around. My heart just can barely visit that thought and it hurts for you. I know you have your precious little guy, but I know you also mourn the missing of your darling little girl.

The pictures are very sweet and thoughtful. I await the perfect eternity where we will never say "good bye" to those we love.

Debra said...

Praying for you! Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter and family with us.

Christa said...

Katie, what a beautiful post. I'm in tears! Praying for you and your family today!

The B's said...

It is hard to believe that I have been praying for you for over a year. Tonight, I was sitting on the couch reading this post and started tearing up like crazy. My little Emma (3 1/2) came over and asked if I was okay. I showed her a picture of Reese and she said "She's a pretty little girl." :) It was too sweet, I had to share. Praying for you all on such a bittersweet day!

Wendy said...

Awesome! Your dad is so proud of you - you can tell from the picture of him hugging you. His heart just breaks for you while it's full of pride at the same time!! I can't believe it's been a year already. :( Great post!

Dana said...

Wow is all I can say as tears are rolling down my face! I have been reading your blog for a while (I just never have the words to comment) and I am always thinking about you and your precious family! I am so thankful that you have such an amazing circle of family and friends around you that can shower you with love and encouragement!!! I pray you always have that!!!

I know Reese is celebrating in heaven with God and having a grand birthday in deed!And I know she is so proud of her family!! Sending you lots and lots of love!!!

And happy one month sweet Colson!!!

Proverbs30one said...

I have read your blog for almost a year now and have never commented but I have to say the most precious thought is that your sweet little one is with Jesus. What a gift to know He is real, He cares, and He is holding onto your little one until you can see her again. Praise Jesus!

(I often wondered what day sweet Reese was born - I couldn't really figure it out but now I will never forget - it is my daughter's birth day too.)

Angie :) said...

I ran across your blog awhile ago and have been reading it for awhile now. This post totally just made me cry. So sweet! I have never lost a child but death has been a big part of my life when I lost my father and two brothers in a car accident 5 1/2 yrs ago. The grave pictures and balloons were so special! Thank you for being so real and open and sharing your story! I love your perspective on life and God and his plan for all of us! I know that we will both see our family members again one day in heaven. Definitely happy glory day to Reese!

Kelley said...

I love you ~

Design Apprentice said...

I am crying as I write this, I feel so touched. You are such a wonderful mother all of your children. Your faith is such a great reminder in the awesome ways of Jesus. You truly are a testimony of all God is capable of doing to provide when we trust in Him. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with us. And Happy 1 month sweet Colson.

Kayla said...

Wow Katie you are so strong. You have me in tears.. I LOVE YOU.. God does amazing thing!

Dawnette Thomas said...

What a wonderful tribute to a very hard year. Not only great words, but great pictures both filled with true emotion.
Thank You Father for surrounding this family. May You hug Your daughter Reese extra tight for her family. In Jesus Name, Amen

Becky said...

What a beautiful day to remember. One of the triplet mom's on the forum I belong to lost one of the boys to pediatric cancer when he was 6. She determined that the other two lost their brother, but they were not going to loose their mom as well. You have done the same. Zach and Colson have lost Reese, but they have NOT lost you. By that I mean that although you do grieve, it has not become a dark hole that has swallowed you.

What a blessing to see you continue on, loving those memories of that sweet little girl and anticipating the next day with those handsome little guys! You are a blessing.

KatieB. said...

That's a beautiful tribute to Reese's one year in Heaven. I thought about you all day yesterday and pray that year two will bring new joys and memories for your family!

Leanne said...

I'm just crying my eyes out right now.....

What did it was the pictures of you guys holding the balloons, and then releasing them. My husband and I and our kids did that after Janie's memorial service 6 years ago. Looking at those pictures reminded me of the iron grip my hand had on the balloon strings, and how I had to talk myself into letting them go. I must have stood there for a good 20 minutes, trying to release those balloons......

All that to say, I totally felt every single one of your words in this eloquent, meaningful, wonderful, painful, thoughtful, joyful post!

I'm so glad I discovered your blog!!!

Our Jane's 6th birthday is August 30th. That's the day she was due. This sixth year, I'm wondering and thinking how I want to remember her.

You've given me some great ideas.....thank you so much for your witness and your willingness to walk with the Lord.

Shelley said...

What a great and moving post. Thank you for saring and moving those who read your words!

I have a friend from high school who had a baby on 8-8, just a few days before Reese's birthday and they had a girl and named her - Reese Kathryn. Her due date the eleventh though. I thought of your Reese and your family a lot last week because of this!

MyFairLadies said...

Wonderfully expressed, Katie. HOPE is a beautiful thing.

You are loved,
wendy

Rikki said...

I don't know how it feels, Katie. I can't know. But I feel as though I have walked through your journey with you. Reese's life has touched mine in such a powerful way. You are precious and so is she! What a sweet post. I can't imagine what this past year has been like for you and your family but I have been praying for you something fierce. Please know that I will continue to pray as you live your life as a mother of 3, adjusting to your Sweet Colson and continuing to miss Precious Reese while loving that Zach! :) I feel like I have known you for forever! Loving you from here!!!! :)

Lauren said...

Precious words Katie! These past three days you have been lifted up in prayer and we celebrate and remember Reese with you. We miss her with you. The pictures of the balloons brought tears to my eyes, what a special day for your family. I love you!
Colson is so adorable by the way, can't believe he's already a month!

Karen said...

Wow Katie, such a beautiful post. Reese was obviously smiling down on you during that beautiful ceremony. What a tribute to such a special girl. My heart hurts for you, I am so glad you surrounded by the love and support of God, family and friends.

Karen

Taylor said...

Gave me the goosebumps..and tears! Praying for your sweet family!

Kellie said...

For some reason last year when Reese went to heaven i did not connect the two. My sons birthday was on the 13th as well. I have said a many a prayer for you and your family and your new little man. My thoughts are with you often. What a beautiful way to remember Reese on her birthday.

Amy said...

A whole year already! I know the feeling...it looks like you had a beautiful day. Hope you are feeling lots of love and peace!

Tristan said...

so glad you have such a wonderful support sysytem at home.

she is a very loved and never forgotten baby girl!

Stefanie said...

Katie, your strength as a mother amazes me. You are such a wonderful example of what a mother should be. How blessed your 3 children are to have you & Jason as their parents. I have followed your family's journey & it has blessed my life. Your faith is an inspiration to me daily. Thank you for sharing your journey & your family with us. What a celebration you will have when you are all joined together again.

Alex and Jill said...

I'm just getting the chance to read this. Can't believe it has been a year.

This was a lovely post to remember Reese, thank your family and friends for what they've meant to you over the past year, and to celebrate the new life God has given your family in Colson! God is so good!!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a beautiful post....I was so touched and reminded that everyone has a part in helping people heal

said...

一個人的際遇在第一次總是最深刻的,有時候甚至會讓人的心變成永遠的絕緣。......................................................................

soblessed2be said...

OH my gosh Katie....I wish I could give you a big hug and we could cry together. Its almost scary to move away from the day that we lost our babies, however each day we do get closer to seeing them in our eternal homes. Man, I can barely see as I write I'm crying so hard. I know Reese and Avery are enjoying their time in Heaven, and I'm happy they have each other. I can imagine that 1 year will be a hard day since their Heaven going and its so good for me to see how you do it, bc it prepares me for what I have coming. God Bless you and your sweet family, Katie. *hugs* Kiley

Our Family said...

A beautiful post. Happy Glory Day Reese. And I ma so glad you ahve your sweet Colson.

Erin said...

Wow.. what an amazing post. Tears are over flowing my eyes.

Happy 1 month sweet Colson.

Minnesota Girl said...

I'm in absolute awe of your strength and courage, Katie. We are all playing for you and your family, and especially for sweet little Reese. I'm sure she's smiling down from heaven right now =)

Elizabeth said...

I found your blog through Kelly's and I clicked on the video and I cried during it. I don't know what else to say but I bet Reese is looking down from heaven smiling at you.

 
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