Saturday, February 13, 2010

Six Months in Heaven

Ok, can each of you move near me so I could hug you every day and tell you how much I appreciate and love you all? I guess the bond of Christ will have to do for now (until that awesome day we all get to Heaven). ; )

My family and friends (old, new, and ones only through my computer) please never tire of me telling me how much your Godly words and wisdom means to my heart and soul.

Thank you for calling me even when you know I may not answer. Thank you for being normal yet sensitive around me when you talk about your babies. Thank you for answering my sentimental texts with "I love you. I miss her, too."
Reese went to be with Jesus six months ago today. Six months. People told us the first year after a death is the hardest (I know it's different for everyone), and we've already lived through half of it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about those two short days she spent with us on earth. Priceless, precious hours. My mind sifts through each detail of the short time we had with her. I'm so thankful I remember those moments despite being medicated. It was almost like she was a sweet perfect presence GOD sent just to touch our lives and pass through this earth.

One thing the LORD reminded me of recently is that we were truly standing on holy ground with Reese. When she was alive and especially in her death. I always felt while Reese was alive GOD's hand was over the hospital, the doctors, nurses, family, friends - all of us.

He impressed my heart the other day that while Jason and I were holding her - as she took her last breath - her body was with us yet her soul was with Jesus at that exact moment. Reese was still in our arms as she opened her eyes for the very first time to see Jesus! GOD Almighty. Holy ground.
I posted the link to her video after her memorial service and would like to share it again for those of you who may not have seen it but would like to.

I've watched it countless times shedding endless tears. I often touch the computer screen as I watch as if it's any substitute for her soft skin. I can also smile and laugh through my tears as I see it too. I'm not sure if I've shared this, but the picture of Zach putting the tiny bow on Reese's head has a story.

Jason and I didn't know how he would be with her anyway since he was only 21 months old, but he was the sweetest little thing. It's like he knew. He was so tender with her until the bow kept falling off her head. He put it back gently a few times but then he had enough. At that point he mashed it hard on Reese's head just like a big brother would. It was funny but not so much at the same time. Just a tiny smile GOD gave us as only He could. A cherished memory we'll always have of them together on earth.

As Jason and I listened to songs when deciding which one we wanted for Reese's Life Moments video, Steven Curtis Chapman's "With Hope" described exactly how we were and still are feeling six months later.

It's amazing how hope gives us life. Keeps us going. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Because of Christ, we have the hope and promise of eternal life with our daughter even as our hearts hurt so badly.

Because of GOD's grace, Zach also gives us hope. Reese gave us hope. This new baby gives us hope.


Show me, O LORD...
let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before You. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah


Psalm 39:4 - 5

50 comments:

Paige said...

HOPE-- what a precious gift from God. I am so thankful that you are getting to experience it again with this new sweet baby! What a beautiful picture of Reese- I don't think you have shared it before?

Jorden and Kristin said...

I never leave comments here, but i want you to know that I have been reading your blog since she was born. I have gained such inspiration from you and your blog posts. Everytime I read a post I say a prayer for you. I work in an ER and the other day we had to watch a family say goodbye to their precious Reese and you were on my heart the whole time. I am SO looking forward to getting to heaven and meeting your Reese and letting the only two Reese's that have ever touched my life meet! You have such beautiful pictures of her beautiful life. And I wish I lived in your neighborhood too, because after watching the video I would LOVE to give you a huge hug! :)

Thomas and Jamie said...

Katie - what a precious thought that you were holding her at the exact same moment that Jesus was taking her. Holy ground, indeed!! I can't believe it's been 6 months already since the Lord gave your family to my heart. I'm thankful that He did and I will continue to pray for you!

Emily said...

Praying for you on this difficult day.

Becky said...

Katie - that video is so beautiful. I am so thankful that there is hope. Can you imagine if there would not be? On this most difficult day, you have HOPE. Praying.

Sara said...

Katie I pray for your family. Today is 8 years that my daughter Giorgia went to be with Jesus. I'm sure our angels are together, sisters in love.

Shelley said...

I don't comment often but I want you to know you are all still in my thoughts and prayers. Even though we have never met, I pray for you often and am reminded to hug my daughter a little closer each night, for you and for Reese.

Thank you for continuing to share with us. You have an amazing strength that shines through, even when you are hurting, and it is so inspiring.

Paige said...

I am always excited when you post something new...I hope that doesn't sound morbid...but it never ceases to amaze me how real God seems to be through your posts. I pray for yall each day that He doesn't stop revealing Himself to you (and that you don't stop sharing!). My heart hurts that you are going through this pain and that is so weird to me since I have never met you, don't live anywhere near you and know no one who does know you.

But this comment took my breath from me..."He impressed my heart the other day that while Jason and I were holding her - as she took her last breath - her body was with us yet her soul was with Jesus at that exact moment. Reese was still in our arms as she opened her eyes for the very first time to see Jesus!"

I have never lost a child but have had to walk through this with my oldest sister and 4 very precious friends. Never once, did I ever imagine, as their child took their last breath, that they were holding their baby who was now being held by Jesus. What a comforting thought.

Thank you!
paige

Kate said...

Praying for you and your family today.

Diane said...

That video, and what you said at her funeral, have stayed with me since her funeral. The words that have stuck with me the most are how you would never bathe her. Such a simple act... Chris normally gives Dillon baths, but ever since Reese's funeral, I have always taken at least a second to just listen to them playing together. The things I take for granted that you miss are so incredible to me.

I am so thankful that God has given you and Jason another baby to love and cherish. Though the love you have for Reese will never fade, it has been my prayer that your new son/daughter will be a kindred spirit of her for you three.

Love you!

Lauren said...

How special that you have a sweet (and funny) story about Zac and Reese together. We all know that bows can drive even the most patient person to frustration! =) It was good to see you the other day at the store. I'm sorry if I seemed distracted--I pretty much remain distracted all day on the days I work. I prayed for you and yours just now. Love!

tiffany said...

katie - i am so thankful to have found your blog, as you encourage me to grow in my relationship with Chirst, every time you post. your strength, courage and love for Him are an inspiration. thank you for sharing your journey with us. praying for you always.

Life with my sweeties said...

Praying for you!!!! Hugs!!!!

msdonnaclaire said...

A friend asked me to pray for your sweet family during your pregnancy. I have followed your blog since Reese's birth - Katie, you are a beautiful Christian mother and wife. I have watched you grow in your faith and am sooo proud of you! Everyday I "check in with Katie". Blessings on this difficult day.

Brittany said...

Katie-
Your honesty, courage and faithfulness just amaze me! Even though we have never met, you have made a lasting impression on me. I hope that in my times of need, I can walk the same way you are now.

Sara said...

Katie,
We will most likely never meet this side of heaven, but I know we would be good friends here! Another terrific post and I love the story about the bow because that is exactly the sort of thing that happens at our house! Love and Hugs!

Alex and Jill said...

I'm so incredibly thankful for the hope we have in Christ. And because of that hope, you will see your sweet Reese again. Praise His Name!! The video is just beautiful.

Mary said...

So very sweet. I love what you wrote that Jesus was always looking at her but when she opened her eyes in Heaven she saw Him right away. So beautiful!

Taylor said...

This post gave me goosebumps! And I'm pretty sure I passed you today on Joyce while I was headed to Hobby Lobby, or if it wasn't you it was someone who looks similar driving a red Hummer! I so bad wished I had run into you out somewhere so that I could give you a big hug and rub that sweet new baby belly!!

Still praying for peace and happiness!!

Heather said...

I would totally move near you!!!! :) I do love you and love these pictures of Reese. I love her pink bow and the story about her and Zach. My heart aches for you as you ache for your baby girl. I know Jesus is holding her tight today. Holy ground. I am praying for you, Katie!

Elizabeth said...

That video is so beautiful and of course, so is Reese. Her feet and hands are so perfect. And as I was watching that and hearing the song, I was reminded that the only reason we can Hope is because of the One with nail scarred hands and feet. Praise You Lord! Praying for you this snowy day from Indianapolis.

Summer said...

Katie,
HOPE...What a precious gift from GOD!!
Sweet friend I will never get tired of praying for you, or talking to you via email, or seeing pics of your sweet family and sweet Reese! You are just an AMAZING wife and mother and you have been through soooo very much! I cried when I read this post and I have seen the video but clicked to see it again....I wept....my heart aches for you!!

What a very sweet cute story of the hairbow and how AWESOME is that memory you can tell Z about later....what a big brother moment....

You have touched my heart beyond measure and I have grown closer to God because of you....

Hang in there dear friend
xoxo
Summer :0)

Fabiola said...

Such a wonderful story to tell Zach when he is older.

The picture, of him putting the bow on her head, is so sweet and delicate.

Adam and Kimmy plus Reese! said...

We've posted once before and have been drawn to your blog in waves because our little 10 month old girl shares your daughter's name....Reese. Reading your blog and interpreting the peace that you have while still dealing with such a hard, hard event...is truly inspiring. I don't know that we could hold our head and hearts as high as you have. I don't know that I could fall helplessly into God's hands and surrender so easily....you are truly a blessing in your words and in your unending love for your little girl. I suppose with all things, time heals wounds and you begin this struggle to remember and almost continue to grieve because I know I felt guilty once the passing of a loved one became common place...That's just me though.

Your little girl was sent to accomplish something so great that she only needed a brief time to accomplish the task....she is leading others to Christ through your words. How wonderful that your blog can humble another family's heart simply because our daughters share a name...how wonderful that so many read your words and are inspired to live a better life. How amazing that she had such an impact at the perfect time and place that your words encourage another, that will encourage another, and so on....she could silently touch millions over time.

What a wonderful legacy to leave here and to rejoice as she grows in heaven.

Our family loves your blog...and we must be like minded to pick such a beautiful name for such wonderful little girls. God bless you and keep you.

Ann said...

Katie,

One of the mysteries of Reese is that her beauty belied her fragile condition.

That's funny about Zach and the bow. She would have had her share of scrapes and scars living with an older brother, as you and Mandy can testify.

love you sweetie,
Ms. B.

julie & joe said...

Hope is a wonderful thing (would also be a beautiful name for a girl). Everyday I pray that you find peace and joy.

Tracychele @ The Week-Ender said...

What beautiful pictures, Katie. I have seen the video and love watching it, too. It is hard to believe it has been six months. I know some days you feel like it was forever ago and some just yesterday. I am sure there is a wave of emotions only you and others who have been there could truly understand. I pray that each day will give you more strength to weather the (temporary) time away from your little Angel. I hope you are feeling well physically. Keep your sweet head up and take care of you! :)

Lauren Kelly said...

This post was beautiful in every single way!!

Love you!! :)

Hailey said...

Always on my mind and always in my prayers.

Emily V. said...

My heart aches for your sweet heart. I know you miss your sweet baby Reece. She is beautiful and how she has no doubt touched so many people. I pray that you continue to find your inspiration through her and God. I don't know how you do it but your strength and faith inspire me so much. I know your heart is hurting so much but I know very soon the joy of another child will only make this ache at least a little lighter. Much love!

Kelli said...

I am weeping with you as you miss Reese with all your heart. This post is eloquently written with passion...of a mother's grieving heart. Praying!!!

Cuddles and Chaos said...

God's hand is over your house right now.

Hope and grace...amazing gifts from our Maker.

Reese is so missed. So loved. I've never met your family, but Reese is often in my dreams.

Your family is loved and prayed about.

Meredith said...

Keep leaning hard.
Praying for you today.

Samantha said...

beautiful pictures - I love seeing new ones. y'all are a beautiful family. thank you for sharing your life with all of us. praying for you extra today.

Lindsay said...

Dear Katie - I have followed your story since Reese was born but have never commented. I just wanted to tell you that you come to my mind often and I pray for you every time I think of you. This past October my Mom died of brain cancer and we were able to be with her during her last moments. During her memorial service our pastor talked of her final breath on this earth and how the Lord came and escorted her to Heaven with Him. That was so precious to me knowing that she was not alone, but in the loving arms of her Maker. I can't imagine your heartache, but know that many people are lifting you up in prayer!

Mommarazzi said...

I'm pretty new to your blog. I spent a whole afternoon learning about your story and I held back tears the entire time...not just for your loss, but also your strength. I am so inspired by you! God bless you and and your sweet babies.

Rikki said...

Your words NEVER cease to amaze me, Katie! NEVER! I don't even know what else to say. I tell you this all of the time but you are simply precious. I don't know how else to put it. Your journey seems to real to me. I feel like I know you...yet, I have never laid eyes on you. I pray comfort for you and I love your story of Z and the bow. I love the raw emotion that you have in your blog entries. Working as a social worker for the labor and delivery and NICU at my hospital...I appreciate your story...it makes my job that much more special....it makes me feel more connected to you, even. Praying for you....

Shelly said...

We continue to pray for you and your family.....may God give you a peace that only comes from Him

jenrumley said...

Sweet friend, my heart is with yours tonight. I wish I could say that the ache gets better, but I feel like for me we are still knee deep. I'm so glad you give yourself permission to grieve just as you need. I look forward to seeing you again and I look forward to hearing how your appt. goes this next week. Lots of love and prayers and hugs. You are beautiful inside and out. Z, Reese and Baby Rowe are so blessed to have you as a mommy:)

Love you, Jen

Bridgit said...

First time I watched the video was today ...yes tears flowing. I agree with many others ...you are an inspiration ...your Faith is helping myelf (and numerous more) gain/rebuild their own Faith and relationship with Jesus. Prayers and Hugs from VA!

Nicole said...

Katie, what a sweet post!!!! YOu sure do know how to make a gal cry!!! You have come a long way in the past six months. YOu are so strong and a beautiful daughter of God!!!

Mindy said...

Katie,

This is an AMAZING post with THE most BEAUTIFUL pictures. I am praying for you. Happy Valentine's Day. May your heart be filled with love and peace today.

Love,
Mindy

Brandi said...

That was the most beautiful post! Once again, I'm so amazed by your strength and faith. I think of you through out the day and pray for you and your family every single night. Love the bow story. So cute! The pictures are so amazing! Reese has touched so many lives!

care said...

God brought Isaiah 61:3 to mind when I saw Reese today...She's so beautiful...She is beauty from ashes. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I miss her for you. I hurt for you and your family. One thing that God showed me in His sovereinty, as He took one child after another through miscarriages, was that it was His way of loving my child and loving me. They were too sick and His promise with them as that there will be no more pain or sickness. Rev 21:4...but also that He will collect all your tears as you grieve her loss her on earth. Thank you for sharing your heart. YOur family is beautiful and I'm praying for the little one on the way. Love, Care

Marci @ All Things Wonderful said...

I have been reading your blog since before Reese was born. I don't usually leave a comment. But, I wanted to let you know what a blessing you are. Your faith and hope in God is amazing. Praying for you and your family.

Allyson said...

What a beautiful post. I love where you wrote that while you were still holding her, she was opening her eyes meeting Jesus for the first time! That is just the most precious thing ever. Praying for you!

Blessings,
Allyson

Sara said...

I haven't visited your blog in a while, and I am sorry this day passed me by. I know that you miss your baby girl more than words can describe, and as time passes I, too, am afraid that I will forget the way Samuel's skin felt or the way he smelled. And then I feel peace - it is like he is telling me that everything is okay.

Reese is such a beautiful girl, and the picture of Zach putting that bow on her head is so tender.

Take care!

Kayla said...

You are such an amazingly strong person. I found your blog right after giving birth to my 1st baby Every time I read your blog I just can't believe how strong you are. Every time I read your blog. I ball my eyes out. God is great and you are so blessed. I love you. and God bless.

Gracie said...

I lost your blog when my computer crashed about 6 months ago. I just rediscovered it last night and am OVERJOYED for your new BLESSING to your family. Absolutely amazing. Congratulations. I will pray for you and all the different emotions that you must be experiencing. Also, I just wanted to say what a beautiful precious angel Reese is. She just looks so fragile and angelic. She is very loved. Your family of 4 is beautiful. xo

Gracie said...

**Sorry but I had to edit**
I said family of 4 but considering the newest little one has arrived, it is now family of 5! You are blessed. Enjoy your precious newborn.

 
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