Six Months in Heaven

Ok, can each of you move near me so I could hug you every day and tell you how much I appreciate and love you all? I guess the bond of Christ will have to do for now (until that awesome day we all get to Heaven). ; )

My family and friends (old, new, and ones only through my computer) please never tire of me telling me how much your Godly words and wisdom means to my heart and soul.

Thank you for calling me even when you know I may not answer. Thank you for being normal yet sensitive around me when you talk about your babies. Thank you for answering my sentimental texts with "I love you. I miss her, too."

Reese went to be with Jesus six months ago today. Six months. People told us the first year after a death is the hardest (I know it's different for everyone), and we've already lived through half of it.

I've been thinking a lot lately about those two short days she spent with us on earth. Priceless, precious hours. My mind sifts through each detail of the short time we had with her. I'm so thankful I remember those moments despite being medicated. It was almost like she was a sweet perfect presence GOD sent just to touch our lives and pass through this earth.

One thing the LORD reminded me of recently is that we were truly standing on holy ground with Reese. When she was alive and especially in her death. I always felt while Reese was alive GOD's hand was over the hospital, the doctors, nurses, family, friends - all of us.

He impressed my heart the other day that while Jason and I were holding her - as she took her last breath - her body was with us yet her soul was with Jesus at that exact moment. Reese was still in our arms as she opened her eyes for the very first time to see Jesus! GOD Almighty. Holy ground.

I posted the link to her video after her memorial service and would like to share it again for those of you who may not have seen it but would like to.

I've watched it countless times shedding endless tears. I often touch the computer screen as I watch as if it's any substitute for her soft skin. I can also smile and laugh through my tears as I see it too. I'm not sure if I've shared this, but the picture of Zach putting the tiny bow on Reese's head has a story.

Jason and I didn't know how he would be with her anyway since he was only 21 months old, but he was the sweetest little thing. It's like he knew. He was so tender with her until the bow kept falling off her head. He put it back gently a few times but then he had enough. At that point he mashed it hard on Reese's head just like a big brother would. It was funny but not so much at the same time. Just a tiny smile GOD gave us as only He could. A cherished memory we'll always have of them together on earth.

As Jason and I listened to songs when deciding which one we wanted for Reese's Life Moments video, Steven Curtis Chapman's "With Hope" described exactly how we were and still are feeling six months later.

It's amazing how hope gives us life. Keeps us going. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Because of Christ, we have the hope and promise of eternal life with our daughter even as our hearts hurt so badly.

Because of GOD's grace, Zach also gives us hope. Reese gave us hope. This new baby gives us hope.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3he1XXg_dY

Show me, O LORD...
let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before You. Each man's life is but a breath. Selah

Psalm 39:4 - 5

Six Months

Reese was born six months ago. Today I'm sad. Angry. I can't stop crying. Tired of trying to make this our new normal. Can't get out of my mind that we "should" have a precious six month old daughter in our home. Hard day.

What would she look like today? What kind of personality would she have? Would we be settled in with having two children so close in age? Sleeping again? How different would our lives be?

I love this picture because to me her profile is so much like Jason's...in a girly way of course. Our two children look so much like him maybe this next one will look like me? Probably not. ; ) That's just fine with me, too.

Where is this peaceful woman today?

Lord, what a perfect gift you gave to us for two days. Thank you. We'll never be the same.

Sweet Daddy

Beautiful feet

How she has changed our lives for the better. We love you we love you, Reese!

After Reese went to Heaven, a precious friend of mine shared with me this advice, "Grieve hard." Sounds so simple, yet it hit me so profoundly. I have been grieving hard, and I want to. I need to. Have to. I cannot shut my feelings off because even if I try they don't stay hidden very long (ask Jason!).

Thank you for grieving hard with me and at the same time rejoicing greatly with us as we see and continue to wait for GOD's redemption.

I keep right on praying to You, Lord, hoping this is the time You will show me favor. In Your unfailing love, O God, answer my prayer with Your sure salvation.

Psalm 69:13

Shannon's Shower

Westin received lots of goodies at Shannon's shower Sunday! Check out her blog for all her pics. ; )

Shannon & me

We can't wait to meet you Westin Tanner Davis. You have been prayed for and are already loved by so many. Zach is ready for a cousin playmate in the same city!

May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD,
even as we put our hope in You.

Psalm 33:22

Reese's Name Gallery #15

Thank you for thinking of Reese and praying for us (and our new little one) as you go about your routines each day. We know life is going on all around us (even as my own body tells me more change is coming), and your thoughtfulness means so much. We love each picture for her name gallery!

Precious scrapbook page

Reese's name spelled with the letters from J-e-s-u-s

Mandy gave this to us at Christmas and said, "This is my picture for Reese's name gallery." ; ) The pic I took isn't the best quality (and I didn't plan this), but her crib is the glare in the background. It was Zach's newborn crib and will now be our next baby's crib.

Valentine candy

Sweet heart

Enjoy any sweeties in your life this week before Valentine's Day!

See, I have written your name on the palm of My hands.

Isaiah 49:16

"Weese" Stories

While driving home with Z one day this week and thinking about this next little one, I said, "Oh Zach, are you going to help me with the baby?" Basically talking to myself. ; ) He surprised me by saying, "Uh-huh...Weese, Weese, Weese!" I answered, "Oh no, not Reese, another little brother or sister. Which would you like to have? A brother or another sister?" He said, "Brudder."

This was our first actual conversation! I had to laugh because although he has no idea what a brother or sister is, he is taking in so much more than I realize. He will be wonderful with his new little sibling.

After Bible study Tuesday as we drove past Reese's garden, he was calling out her name again. I said, "Zach, Reese is in Heaven, but we can come here to remember her...even though we are always thinking about her." He kept repeating "-member, -member."

I love watching Zach at this age. I love that I don't have to be deep with him concerning Reese while continuing to create her place in our family. I want talking about Reese to be such a normal part of our everyday lives. Jason and I don't talk to him about her in a sad way, just like she is his baby sister that is in Heaven.

At times it can be a little "too normal" if this makes any sense. Overall it's a very good thing, just another one of my conflicting emotions playing tug-of-war in my heart. We can talk about Reese, look at her pictures, praise GOD for her life, but she is still not here. None of this brings her back, but we keep her memory alive and always will. The good days are so much more in between the hard ones, but the ache and pain is still so severe, sharp, and deep. I just want my little girl back.

Yesterday I was so excited to buy little Valentine's for Zach to hand out at "school" next week. I went to Hobby Lobby to have "Mine for a Moment" framed before I bought them. It took about an hour for me to pick out just the perfect matte and frame for the print. While I was there the song "Butterfly Kisses" came on. I haven't heard this song in forever but just lost it. It's such a tender song to begin with, but when I thought about how we'll never even get those kisses from Reese in the first place it was too much. My brokenness takes me by surprise sometimes.

As I checked out, I prayed over and over, "LORD, fill my broken places. Fill my endless "never will haves" with Reese. I believe You will. Only You can. Fill me, fill me."

If Reese had lived she would be a very very sick little girl. GOD has comforted my heart countless times by reminding me that she is alive, healthy, and free in Heaven. Not trapped in her little body, but living a dream. As her mom, I would truly choose that for her, too.

Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

James 4:14

Fun with Friends

Last week we were snowed/iced in most of the time, but Z and I loved playing with Jenny and Benjamin a few times. Jenny was my very first best friend. We've known each other so long I don't even remember meeting her in kindergarten. Such a treasure. Our mother's used to say we got along so well because I told Jenny what to do, and she did it! I was a bossy little girl I will admit. ; )

We have always laughed at how different we look from each other, too. Now our boys look just as different!

Our boys are four months apart

Cuties

Jenny made these cookies for Ben and Zach. Did these take me back or what!? Jenny's mom used to do the very same thing for us when we were little girls. Brings back the best memories! They even tasted the same. Loved every bite. Oh, how simple life used to be.

A few answers to some questions ~

Mandy bought Zach the Bruiser t-shirt from www.emtannerdesigns.com. I love it!

Jason bought the Razorback Mickey and Minnie Mouse pajamas at Walmart about one month ago.

A few of you also asked about the bath tablets. I found mine at Walmart and the Neighborhood Market. It's in the section with the bubble baths (not the baby section), and there is also a Sesame Street brand. Both are great!

Teach us to number our days...that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

Thought it Might be Fun...

to share how we told our parents about baby #3. ; ) Jason and I always try to come up with little creative ways to tell our parents that I am pregnant. This time I wanted to tell them without saying a word. To sit back and watch their reactions. So...when we went home for Thanksgiving, we mixed in these three pictures with some from Zach's birthday party. It was completely natural to hand them some pictures to flip through.

I was so nervous! My heart was beating so fast. We loved doing this, and our parents' faces were priceless. Their expressions went from confused to shocked to "are they telling me what I think they are..." to happiness and tears. It worked out perfectly.

Our little hope's first ultrasound

Thanks for the ideas about a baby doppler monitor. Shannon is letting me borrow hers, so I feel much better already. She tried it out on me the other night looking all professional. It was too funny. I had forgotten she had one. ; )

Thank you also for asking how I am feeling. Very good now, just have the usual food cravings and aversions. With Zach I was sick from week six to nine exactly. With Reese I was sick for two months. This pregnancy I was sick from week six to week nine to the day again! This is why I have a hunch it's a boy, but who knows!?

I am so thankful for the support and love we receive from our friends who we have never met but read our blog. I wish I had the time to hide away and respond to each comment, but I simply cannot. Why can't I be two people sometimes!? I love to pop in on several of your blogs to see what you're up to, I just may not comment. Please know I read each of your comments (many several times) and am always so deeply touched. I'm thinking these past few years my main love language has been "Words," so your Godly and sweet words refresh my heart and soul.

I've been joking with Jason that people have to be sick of praying for us! I've said and felt this countless times, but never in our lives have we ever been so carried by your prayers than the last nine months. Of course we've never needed them this desperately. Thank you for allowing GOD to bless us through your faithfulness and thoughtfulness.

At least the topics of your prayers are changing. ; )

Seek the LORD while He may be found; call to Him while He is near.

Isaiah 55:6