Wednesday, October 10, 2012

2012 Walk to Remember

 This past weekend was our second SHARE Walk to Remember, and Colson's first time to participate. Doing things like this in honor of Reese helps keep my focus on positive things so it's very important to me to be involved.
I was telling Jason the other day that I feel like I lead two lives. One with a daughter and full of "should have beens" and "what will never be." Another filled with two vibrant boys who make me laugh and keep me running all day long. It's a daily battle to connect the two in my heart.
A few weeks ago I met a woman who has a daughter in Heaven, too. She recently moved back to NWA, and our daughters are buried in the same memorial gardens. We've met for coffee only once, and yet I already feel our hearts beat a similar pattern. 
What keeps coming to my mind is that God is sovereign. He has my life in the palm of His hand. I love Him. I trust Him. He knows how weak I am. And all He requires of me is to keep following, keep trusting, keep believing in His promises.
The story of Reese's short life will never change, yet three years later I'm still learning something new from her 50 hours on this earth.

Shannon and Reagan came too. It meant the world to me having them there!
 This sweet girl has won my heart. I love her grins!

I will appoint peace as your guard and righteousness as your ruler.

Isaiah 60:17

11 comments:

Shannon said...

I'm always so happy to do things like this and remember Reese. Love you!

Hillary said...

I love the way that you explain living two lives. It's so unbelievably true! Our local walk was this past weekend but we had to miss this year because of a wedding I was in :(. I love to look at pictures of other peoples walks too though!

Lots of love to you all!

xoxox

Bethany @ 3SonsPlus1...and.... said...

This is a beautifully written post, Katie. Just wanted you to know it really spoke to me. =)

ashley said...

Beautifully said. I know you're weak and feel fragile at times, but your grip on the Lord continues to amaze and encourage me. Now, get your buns here or mine there SOON!

Becky said...

Katie - I think there will always be a poignancy, a pondering. This past week I looked at Job and when he was told that his livestock and children were taken, I re-visited his reaction. He acknowledged that these events had been filtered through the Lord's hands. He felt sorrow. He knew God allowed it, yet he never blamed God. I see that same attitude in you. I love the way you honor your memory of Reese. I love that eternity will be SO much longer than our earthly years.

Elizabeth said...

Beautiful...we are going on our walk to remember this Saturday, our first.

Minicoops said...

Such an amazing post Katie. Thank you for always being so real with your thoughts....you are helping more than you or I can imagine!

Mara said...

I agree with minicoop. I love your faith in God. It's inspiring. I always come back to read because you seem to have the best heart:) You will see Reese again on the other side:)

C said...

A friend of mine just lost her 7 month old suddenly and unexpectedly. As I've been sitting with her in her grief, you have come to mind often. She is getting so many hurtful and awful messages of "Good will come from this" and "It was God's will" and that just doesn't ever change the fact that her child is gone. I just keep thinking about how real you are about your feelings about Reese and how even when acknowledging positives, you never diminish the grief and loss. I really appreciate that, and it has helped me in my communication with my friend.

Janette Johanson said...

I can't believe how time flies but I was telling another blogger friend about you and your sweet ways to remember Reese as she lost a little girl too. I love your heartfelt posts about her memory. xoxo

Colleen said...

I have followed your blog since the day Reese passed away. I had to leave a comment to this post because tomorrow I will be hosting my fourth Walk for Remembrance and Hope in Louisiana. I started a chapter of Share ten years ago. My newborn daughter Melissa died
8 1/2 hours after birth in 1990 from Group B Strep. I have spent my life helping other bereaved parents and honoring my sweet girl. Just wanted to share a story with you. I have been told by many mothers it is the most powerful and helpful thing I tell them. This is a true story that happened to me - Several years ago, a mother called me who had recently lost her few week old baby from positional suffication due to a defectively made car seat. It was nearing the holidays and she asked me how on earth I ever found joy, how I could ever be happy or celebrate a holiday after losing a child. The words just came out of my mouth and I answered "I would never want my daughter to look down from Heaven and think that she had ruined my life. I would never want her to think that because she existed, I was going to stop living, stop celebrating or be miserable for the rest of my life. I would want her to look down and say Wow, my mom is awesome and she is doing wonderful things BECAUSE I EXISTED." That precious mother said -- You have changed my entire way of thinking and I am going to celebrate life.

Tomorrow I am going to look into the faces of many hurting parents as they speak their baby's name and light a candle in their honor. I pray that I can share my story and give them hope. Tomorrow

Like I said, I have followed you since the day Reese died (thru Kelly). I have prayed during your pregnancies, and on those days you were hurting and missing your Reese. Tomorrow I will light a candle for my Melissa and for your Reese.
Sincerely,
Colleen

 
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