One Year

Our family with Reese one year ago ~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3he1XXg_dY

We made it.

One full year.

As a friend wrote to me this morning it's "the day that has taken forever to get here, and yet somehow came too fast."

I'm not sure where or who I thought I would be when this day arrived. Better? Stronger? Healed? Still broken? I'm so thankful I do not have to define myself because Jesus knows right where I am.

He knows the crushing feeling I have felt this month as I dreaded Reese's birthday and glory day approaching. He sees me when I am so overwhelmed I cannot breathe. He counts every tear I cry. He feels the depth of pain in my heart that I cannot even express.

He understands the joy I feel as I see Zach and Colson. Our sons. He brings me back to His goodness and faithfulness.

Some of you have walked this road with us for an entire year. A year of countless "firsts" without Reese.

How have we made it to this day, August 13, 2010?

Through countless prayers and tears.

Through Jason holding me and not saying a word.

Through Zach getting me out of bed every morning.

Through my mom calling and asking, "How's your heart today?"

Through my Dad's sensitive words.

Through Mandy's reminders not to rush myself with healing.

Through Meredith's guidance to GOD's truth.

Through Faber's answers to all of my questions about Colson's new life.

Through Shannon's ease in talking about Reese.

Through Bo, Cody, and Andrew's gentle support and presence.

Through watching Jason's parents be there for him (and me). I know where he gets his quiet humble strength.

Through our parents watching Zach when I needed to think and focus on Reese.

Through countless texts or emails from friends saying, "I love you. I miss her, too."

Through other moms who have babies in Heaven rushing to my side.

Through thoughtful gifts given in honor of Reese.

Through a stranger's comforting words.

Through Jesus' love and tenderness throughout the long days and dark nights.

Through new friends, old friends, and friendships deepened.

Through knowing Reese is wonderful and safe in Heaven with the Lord and many other loved ones.

This little guy may have something to do with it, too. ; )

Happy one month, Colson. We're so happy you are here.

Many more things have led us to this day. Hugs, laughter, answers to prayers. I love you in Christ, and thank you for loving us with Jesus's love this year.

Thank you Jesus, for the hope we have in You.

The LORD will work out His plans for my life--for Your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for You made me.

Psalm 138:8

Happy Birthday, Reese!

One year ago today our daughter came into this world and changed our lives forever. Thank you for allowing her to touch your life, too.

The Lord brought Nicole into my life last summer. She is a precious friend and has greatly encouraged me throughout this year. She is very talented and helped me put together this card (with Lisa's pictures) to celebrate Reese's one year birthday with others. Thank you, Nicole!

Front

Back

I'm so happy with how it turned out. It's perfect just like Reese.

We love you Reese and love being your parents. We can't wait to spend forever with you.

Happy Birthday, Mom! I'm so glad two of my favorite people share the same special day.

This is what the LORD says: You say about this place, "It is a desolate waste, without men or animals." Yet...there will be heard once more the sounds of joy and gladness, the voices of bride and bridegroom, and the voices of those who bring thank offerings to the house of the LORD, saying,
"Give thanks to the LORD Almighty,
for the LORD is good;
His love endures forever."

The days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will fulfill the gracious promise I made to the house of Israel and to the house of Judah.

Jeremiah 33:10-11, 14

Reese's Name Gallery #22

I will praise Your name, LORD, because it is good.

Psalm 54:6

Newborn Pics

I am so excited!

Lisa posted a few pictures of Colson's newborn session on her blog. He was eight days old. I love them! How are we going to choose?

A few other thoughts...

Zach has nicknamed Colson "Coles-Coles." He did this on his own. Cute! Z gets a little better with Colson each day. I had no idea how hard a new baby would be on him. He'll get there, right?!

Is there such a thing as post-pregnancy cravings? I'm craving rice krispie treats and gummy bears constantly!

I love reading all the different ways you include Reese in your sweet words like we are a "family of five" or I'm a "mom of three children." Thank you! Warms my heart.

Be still, for this is a sacred day.

Nehemiah 8:11

Carried

I love all the special details surrounding Colson's birth.

How significant his actual birthdate is. The thirteenth was never even an option (in our eyes). His due date was July 28th (Reese's was August 28th). My doctor talked with us about the 19th, 14th, then the 8th (if the amnio showed his lungs were ready on the 7th). We were so disappointed when his little lungs weren't fully developed, but the Lord knew the perfect day for Colson to come into our lives. He's so good.

When Jason and I went for my appointment on Monday the 12th, the doctor said she could do it the next day! Of course we could not say no. ; )

Eleven months to the day Reese went to Heaven Colson was placed in our arms.

My regular doctor was out of town, so another doctor did my c-section with Colson. The same one who delivered Reese. I can't say enough wonderful things about both of these women. They will forever be a part of my heart. They have walked with us through our darkest days this year. Again the Lord knew that the same physician who delivered Reese would need to deliver Colson. For herself and us. How special!

Jason sent her this text at 12:49 Tuesday. ; ) My c-section was scheduled for 1 pm. Of course we knew she had no control over it, but it was funny.

We were both a little antsy.

This doctor was the first person to touch Reese and the first person to touch Colson. It was also so significant because she wanted to show Colson to me herself after he was born instead of letting Jason! I loved it.

Before Colson was born while we were in pre-op (I was also in the same pre-op section and bed with Reese), the doctor looked at me and said, "Who's praying?" I said, "Everyone!" I thought she meant who was praying for us and that was the first thing that popped into my mind. ; )

She then said, "I mean who's going to pray for us right now? I'm not going back into that operating room with you until somebody prays." I knew I couldn't make it through saying a prayer out loud, and thankfully my dad stepped in. Those who were in the pre-op with us circled around and held hands while he prayed. What a powerful moment. One of the most sacred times of my life.

My dad prayed about how he believed Colson's birth was really a culmination of what began in May 2009 when I was so sick. I can't wait to see his days unfold before us, and I'm so honored to be his Mom.

Another GOD thing about Colson's birthday is that Lisa would not have been able to take pictures for us on the 8th. This really helped me when we found out Colson wouldn't be born that day.

We didn't even ask her to take pictures for us. She contacted us a few months ago asking if she could take them when he was born. She said so many of her hospital visits are sad, and she wanted to be a part of this joyful moment with our family. Of course we said yes!

I especially love all the pics of Jason and Colson. ; )

A few people just a little ready to meet Colson. ; )

Westin was ready to meet his new best buddy, too!

When we brought Colson home, I realized how such a big part of me died last summer. The part of my heart that looks forward to things and loves to plan. When we came home after Reese was born, I walked past my calendar for weeks without opening it because I knew I would have to erase things I had planned with her. It was so painful.

It's amazing to look ahead to things now knowing Colson will be with us.

I know Colson is just as special as any precious life GOD creates. His love for each baby is so deep! Thank you for your faithfulness in praying him here.

The Lord brings death and makes alive; He brings down to the grave and raises up.

1 Sam. 2:6

Cuties

Thanks Gran, for capturing some of these sweet moments. ; )

Happy three weeks, little love!

I miss reading about all of your lives. Hopefully I'll get back into it soon. : )

I always thank my God for you and for the gracious gifts He has given you...

I Corinthians 1:4

August

This is a big month for us.

It marks Reese's one year birthday and one year she has been with Jesus. After she went to Heaven part of me wanted to hurry through this year of "firsts" without her while the other part wanted time to stand still. With each passing day I felt like I was getting further and further away from her.

Now I know I'm getting closer and closer to seeing her every day.

Isn't this name gallery picture wonderful? I've been saving it for her birthday month.

I love this little necklace! I've had my eye on it for months, so when the store still had it recently I knew it was meant to be. ; ) Reese would like it, too.

Even while laughing a heart can ache...

Proverbs 14:13