Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Little Things

I feel like I am in a very unfamiliar stage of grief. When Reese's 18 month birthday came I began to feel the dust settle from what we have been through and face daily. As I look at my family with our wonderful precious boys, I deeply grieve the little girl in the middle. It's so hard to let my heart share both joy and pain. It's a huge battle that neither wins.

This time has taken me by surprise, but grief just does that. I miss Reese so much and feel raw again. Right when I feel like I can't take it, it hurts too badly, it's too heavy a burden to bear, I pick myself up and take the next step. Depending on GOD's mercy and grace that only He can give me for that day.

I'm trying to see what the LORD has for me here. In this place. I don't want to miss it, I just wish I could learn without so many tears.

This does make me smile. I know it's silly, but I like little things like this. I had a Pottery Barn gift card, and I wanted to use it on something I would buy at some point anyway. This monkey stood out to me because we think Colson kind of looks like a baby gorilla. Maybe it's just the hair. ; )


I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches from secret places, so that you may know that I, the LORD...call you by your name.

Isaiah 45:3
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30 comments:

  1. DiannaMarch 9, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    I too am grieving today and having a tough time. I will pray for you to have strength and peace during this time.

    The lunchbox is adorable.

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  2. DevonMarch 9, 2011 at 1:42 PM

    ((hugs))

    i'm 3 years in and i still don't know how to do this grief thing. it changes constantly....all i know is god's grace is there each day and i've never been more thankful for a night to end and know that in the morning i will be renewed.

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  3. MerMarch 9, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    Hey sweet sista. I love you.

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  4. SkyMarch 9, 2011 at 2:00 PM

    Praise God for the little things :-)

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  5. PaigeMarch 9, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    Sorry that you are raw with emotion again. I know that it never goes away, it just slowly lessens its blows. I will be praying for you.

    paige

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  6. MarisaMarch 9, 2011 at 2:31 PM

    Hello, sweet mama. I feel you on this one. Grief is just so unpredictable--some moments are brought on like tidal waves, other times they come in the ebb and flow of the day to day. There are those seasons where it feels like those first raw days again, so fresh and hard to bear. So sorry you're hurting today. Praying for your heart, Miss Katie. Missing our girls together.

    Much love,
    Mis

    And yes, LOVE the lunchbox.

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  7. hi-dMarch 9, 2011 at 2:38 PM

    Thanks for sharing your heart. I feel deeply for you. May Jesus touch you today and fill you with his love and peace.

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  8. HillaryMarch 9, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    Wow Katie, sometime you speak the words aloud that my heart is feeling. We're so the same yet so different. 2 awesome earthly boys and 1 heavenly girl each!

    The lunch box cracks me up. Our littlest Grady has the tiny backpack with that same monkey on it! :)

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  9. KelleyMarch 9, 2011 at 2:49 PM

    Aaahhh, I'm speechless: Lamentations 3~"affliction AND hope;" I Peter 4:12~"do not be surprised;" James 1~"blessed is the one who perseveres." My Friend, the Spirit of Glory and of God rests on you. Love you dearly, and as always, praying ~ Kelley

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  10. CourtneyMarch 9, 2011 at 2:54 PM

    thanks for sharing this post - praying for you today

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  11. life with my sweetiesMarch 9, 2011 at 3:14 PM

    Praying Katie!

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  12. DanaMarch 9, 2011 at 3:18 PM

    Katie, sending you lots of hugs and love sweet girl!!! I know God will take great care of you and will continue to get you through the pain!! He is so proud of how you are leaning on Him and trusting Him!!!!

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  13. TiffMarch 9, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    Sending you many thoughts and prayers. The Lord is doing amazing things through you and your family Katie. And your faithfulness in him will continue to enrich and bless your family.

    I feel so fortunate to "know" an amazing lady like you! BTW, love the monkey bag!! :)

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  14. AdrienneMarch 9, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    This verse has really touched me as I too am going through something I wish I never had to, although much different from your situation. Thank you for aways sharing these verses, even though you are hurt and are grieving, which my heart aches for you. It really helps!!

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  15. BrandiMarch 9, 2011 at 4:51 PM

    I wish I had words to help u get through this difficult time. Just know that I'm thinking and praying for you!!!!! Sending hugs your way. And my Ty has that lunchbox...too cute!!!!

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  16. Alisha HarrisMarch 9, 2011 at 5:09 PM

    Praying for you.. I can't imagine what your going through but God knows you and your heart and he will give you peace! Rest in his arms!

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  17. LindsMarch 9, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Now I feel really bad... I felt like you were grieving today when I saw you, but I was so preoccupied in chasing Brayden around and trying to gather up my crew that I didn't take the time to do much more than give you a quick hug. Forgive me. And know that I pray for you so much.

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  18. Heather L.March 9, 2011 at 6:04 PM

    Katie, I agree that grief changes constantly, it takes you by surprise and the littlest, strangest things can set you off. For me today, seeing pink flowers blooming made me cry for an hour, as I saw it as a sign that life is moving forward, without my baby girl in it =( It is so hard, but you are the strongest person I know, and your faith amazes me. I truly do look up to you.


    PS- thank you so much for your return email to me - I really do appreciate it SO much!

    (((HUGS))) to you today!

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  19. Muddy Dump Trucks & StilettosMarch 9, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    Prayers for you and your precious family from Georgia!

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  20. TristanMarch 9, 2011 at 9:14 PM

    You always on my heart Katie, I feel like I think about you atleast once a day.

    You not being able to hold and love on your baby girl everyday just makes me so mad sometimes.

    I know God has His perfect plan for you and you just have to trust him.
    Praying for you always!!!!

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  21. MirandaMarch 9, 2011 at 10:30 PM

    Praying For You Girly!!

    I am IN LOVE with the little lunch box! We call Tristan "monkey".. I might have to get one for him!!! I hope you don't mind if I "borrow" your idea!!!

    I hope you have a fantastic rest of your week!!

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  22. Melanie MuellerMarch 9, 2011 at 11:04 PM

    Katie~I love that you share your journey with such honesty. You are an inspiration. I continue to keep you in my prayers!
    Oh and the lunchbox is too cute!!

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  23. BeckyMarch 10, 2011 at 4:05 AM

    Grief does have the ability to bring back those moments and make them as real as the day everything happened doesn't it? Sometimes sorrow is so deep it is hard to breathe. God is so good. He's so good to me. Truly.

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  24. Carolina GirlMarch 10, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    Oh Katie, I wish I knew what to say. I think of you and Reese often. Your faith and assurance in God is awesome. I don't know what lesson you're supposed to be learning right now, but what I do know is that I learn from you every day. You teach us, by example, how to be the child God wants us to be and how to fully experience his love for us. Thank you for this and for continuing to share so that as you grieve and heal others are encouraged to deepen their relationship with God. You're an AMAZING woman and I know Reese is so proud to call you her Mama.

    The lunchbox is too cute. The little things do matter...and that's okay. :)
    Hugs from Texas!

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  25. tiffanyMarch 10, 2011 at 12:27 PM

    Sweet Katie - I cannot begin to imagine the grief that you feel after losing your sweet, baby girl. My heart aches for you. It must be such a roller coaster of emotions that have to be overwhelming at times. Cry as often as you need to. Praying and sending you many hugs.

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  26. PaigeMarch 10, 2011 at 2:39 PM

    Prayers for you Katie- as happy as we are with what God has blessed us with, it always breaks my heart to look at my little family without our first born. And for you without your sweet middle girl- but so thankful to have had them for even such a short time...don't you know how different we are as mothers because of those precious girls:) What a glorious day it will be when are families are whole again....for eternity!

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  27. MLPMarch 11, 2011 at 6:30 AM

    Thank Goodness God's mercies are new everyday. I am praying for you, Sweet Friend. I can't imagine.

    I'm catching up on your blog. Your boys are cuter than ever!!!:)

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  28. DonnaMarch 11, 2011 at 8:34 PM

    It's something you never get over, Katie...but it does get better with time. You'll always have Reese with you in your heart...hopefully it will get to be a spot that makes you smile instead of sad. That would be a wonderful honor to her and help be a goal to your healing.

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  29. Nicole RodriguezMarch 12, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    I'm sorry :( I know how hard it is when days just hit you harder. This whole month is weighing heavy on me. Just thinking about how our sweet boy would be turning 5 and all the things I feel I am missing out on...t-ball, starting Kindergarten in the fall... I am praying for you!

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  30. CMarch 20, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    I may have shared this with you before, but a friend told me this week that this thought has greatly impacted her. Then I shared it with another friend whose husband died a few years ago from lymphoma, and she told me it was the best thing she had ever heard about what dealing with the grief is like. So all of that made me think of you and this post of yours.
    A friend shared this thought with my mom when her dad died...she said "You will never get over this loss. You will never stop missing him, and you will never stop grieving. But your soul will learn to include it."
    And there's something so beautiful and true in that I've found...my soul has learned (and is still learning) to include the loss of my grandfather. I can't imagine how hard it would be to learn to include the loss of a child in my soul...but I know that your soul will in fact learn to include it in this journey of yours.

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Thanks for your comments!