Zachy and Abba

Mandy and I met up at our parents' house with our kiddos for a few days. Zach and Abba (who is nine weeks older than Z) entertain each other so well. It's hilarious to watch them together.

Cheese!

My son, the instigator (I know, I know, he's tan even in the winter!)

"Got you, Abba!"

Jason bought Z and Abby Razorback Mickey and Minnie Mouse pjs. So cute!

Cuties

Giggles

We loved every second. Thanks, Mando and Abba!

I thought about Reese a lot how she would almost be six months old now. Sitting up with help while Z and Abby ran circles around her. She will always be missing playing with her crazy cousins. Love you, sweet pea.

My word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please, and will prosper in what I send it to do.

Isaiah 55:11

Red, Blue, or Yellow?

Who knew plain clear bath water could be so boring?! My mom and sis introduced me to this little treat, and ever since there has been no turning back. Every night we ask Zach what color he wants for his bath.

Tonight he wanted blue. The colors can also be mixed together. He loves it. I will admit yellow bath water is a little disturbing for obvious reasons. ; )

Fun! I love getting you all wet, Mommy!

Zach will probably never have a clear bath again because Jason and I will be buying these crazy things until he is old enough to take a shower. Now why didn't I think of this?

He hath made His wonderful works to be remembered: the LORD is gracious and full of compassion.

Psalm 111:4

Claim It

This Sunday I ran into two friends at different times who congratulated me on being pregnant. As we were talking about this pregnancy going differently they both said, "Claim it in Jesus name. I'll claim it for you!" I love this! Such faith they have and gave to me in their encouragement.

I know people are claiming in Jesus' name that I will be healthy, this baby will continue to be healthy, and we will be able to bring him or her home. We are doing this, too. Thank you!

This picture warms my heart. It was the first and only time I dressed Reese. The nurse was so sweet, and we just talked and smiled together as she helped me with all the tubes and stickers. It was like a moment frozen in time I will never forget.

This little guy warms my heart, too. ; )

Mom, are you ready for Bible study yet!?

A big smile after the Esther study. I think he had a wonderful time too. ; )

This morning we drove by Reese's garden as we always do on Tuesdays, and as I was about to pull out of the memorial gardens Zach said, "More Weese, more Weese." It took a few seconds for this to sink in because he has never said this before. So precious for my heart to hear. Of course I whipped my car around, and we drove by her marker again. Such a sweet little gift from Zach and the LORD.

...there is no other GOD who is able to deliver like this.

Daniel 3:29

Name

I will always remember the first time I signed a card after Reese went to Heaven. As I signed our names I realized I will never sign "Love, Jason, Katie, Zach, & Reese." This was just the first of many hard realities that I began to face this year. I'm sure I'll sign her name on some cards to my family and friends because I know they'll understand. ; )

Someone did recently give me the idea to write "Remembering Reese" on certain holidays cards, and I think it's great.

I recently received an email that said, "Dear Jason, Katie, Zach, Reese, and Baby #3." This person has no idea what this means to me that she included her. I fully know and understand that Reese is not here, but she will always be a part of our family. I stared and stared at it and will leave it on my phone until it deletes the email for being there too long. ; )

I am always so touched how you incorporate Reese in your encouraging words to me. You probably aren't even aware of what asking a simple question about Reese or just letting me know you are thinking about her means to me. Everything! GOD is good to lift me up with big things like this that may seem so small to you.

And brought you forth on the day you were born.

Psalm 71:6

Reese's Name Gallery #14

Reese's name gallery continues to be amazing because of you. I see the LORD's grace through your fingerprints in each one. They are all my favorites. ; ) Thank you!

Christmas tinsel and bows in the snow

Alphabet Cheezits

Dove chocolates

Lunchtime ; )

Sweet name in calligraphy

HAPPY 40th ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites...and they ask me, 'What is his name?'

God said to Moses, "I am who I am."

Exodus 3:13-14

Zach's Vacation

Zach had a wonderful time while he was with his grands last week. He was spoiled, spoiled, and spoiled some more! Thankfully, it didn't take long for him to adjust being back home. Nice. ; )

Hangin' out with G-Dad

He really needed a haircut. Thanks, Gran, for taking him! Zach is complete with a sucker in one hand and a sticker on his other hand. Bribes (I mean, rewards) always help. ; )

Much better

Papa and Z playing with his new train set. Thanks, Papa and Gigi!

Bathtime fun (I know the water is red...that's another post!)

G-Daddy and Gran took Zach to see his great-aunt's horse. He's not so sure...

Much safer on the hay ; )

His little body looks so cute! I'm so thankful my our happy little guy.

I love hearing all of the stories of GOD's gifts throughout and after loss. In many ways, not just with pregnancy. Thank you for sharing. I am also so encouraged by those of you who are faithfully following Jesus through your pain. I pray He is tender with you.

A friend gave me Steven Curtis Chapman's cd Beauty Will Rise. I've been listening to it all day, and the song See describes Heaven. Our Reese is there. It's beautiful.

And we know that in all things GOD works for the good of those who love Him...

Romans 8:28

Baby #3

Wow! Thank you thank you for your sweet words. We're so blessed by everyone's excitement and prayers! It seems like we've known forever (since Thanksgiving!), so we are thrilled and refreshed our big news is out in the open. Thank you for those who have been praying especially for us with Reese and now baby #3. For those curious (like me!), I thought I would share some baby details. ; )

I am thirteen weeks today. Yes, we were trying for this baby almost immediately after Reese went to Heaven. It's just where are hearts were. She definitely changed my heart to want more children. We tried and waited for Reese and were not able to bring her home, so our desire was and is to have another baby. I started clomid, and GOD blessed us again.

We will meet with a high risk pregnancy physician beginning in February. He also oversaw Reese and me when I was in the hospital last May, so he is completely aware of our situation. He will do an in-depth ultrasound, and we'll go from there. I've already started my list of questions to ask him.

We should also find out at this appointment what the sex is. We definitely want to know. ; )

We have no doubt GOD is in control and has this little life in the very palm of His hand. We also believe He gives us wisdom and responsibility to do everything within our power to be extra cautious. Whatever this means for us (more ultrasounds, meeting several times with the high risk doctor), we will do. I'm sure I'll be up at the hospital every day during the spring and summer just to hear the baby's heartbeat. I don't think anyone will stop me. ; )

How are we feeling? Scared doesn't even describe it, but we are not constantly consumed with fear either. We continue to feel carried by your sweet prayers. We were so thankful to hear the baby's heartbeat Monday and see his or her perfect little body on the ultrasound. We can only take it one day at a time as we have been doing.

As you can imagine, my emotions have been CRAZY. Continuing to process everything with Reese, healing, imagining yet a new life when I hardly got to know Reese, and everything in between. I've felt feelings I never even knew I had (and some I wish I didn't). You never know what you are going to get when you see me, and I don't either. Ha! So true.

Monday night after Z went to bed, Jason and I were talking about everything that happened at my appointment and letting it all sink in. It was a big day for us! I was completely fine until I started talking about if I have to go through and pack up Reese's closet (if we have a boy). Tears came from nowhere and kept flowing. I was beyond thrilled to have a new baby growing inside me and missing Reese greatly at the same moment. In times like these, I'm so glad to know truth like this, "He who calls you is faithful..." (I Thess. 5:24) Like my Mom said, "Honey, we'll love you through it all. We're not going anywhere." Such truth and security in those words.

Reese will always be just as much our child as Z and others to follow, but she will always be different because she will be the daughter we never got to fully know. Her personality, likes, dislikes, quirks, and talents all wrapped up in her 6 lb. 6 oz. body we will never get to discover. It's seems impossible for me right now to face that I will not say her name one hundred times a day like I do Zach's or our future children. As with many other things, it's just something GOD will have to gently work out in my heart over time. He will settle me with His quiet strength.

I'm thankful I do not feel like we are leaving Reese behind in any way. What a day what a day when we see her again!

It's been a lot of fun seeing people these past few days now that we are telling everyone. News we can all genuinely smile and laugh about. Seeing friends excited just makes me that much more excited. It's refreshing!

I have several sweet friends who are trying to get pregnant (some who have lost babies like we have or through miscarriage and others who haven't). I don't take their feelings lightly at all because I can identify...from trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, letting go of a baby, and starting all over again. Great happiness and deep heartache.

So many things are happening at once, but I feel at peace. Being a mom to Zach, healing, being pregnant again, GOD gives me just the grace I need right when I feel overwhelmed. I am so sinful and weak. He is so faithful.

We love you and miss you always, baby girl. Thank you for being GOD's messenger to your dad and me of His unfailing presence. What big plans He had (and still has) for you in your little body!

a time to be born...a time to heal...a time to build...a time to mourn...a time to mend...

Ecclesiastes 8:2-4, 7

Know

You know you've lost a baby when you pray you will be able to bring your next one home from the hospital. Few women know the pain of coming home empty-handed to a closet filled with newborn baby clothes ready to be worn, a baby book waiting to be filled in with all the "firsts," and a diaper bag filled with all the essentials that will not be used.

Thoughts like this probably never cross the mind of a mom who has never lost a baby and is pregnant. Why should they? They are against everything we feel in our hearts as moms. It's against everything normal. I never had thoughts like these before Reese was born.

My heart now is filled with so many desires and prayers. That next time I'll be able to walk out (or be wheeled out) of those hospital doors with a baby in my arms. Our third baby. GOD's baby. Wow. What a day! It gives me butterflies in my stomach and chills all over just thinking about this.

I also think about the moment the nurse places our next son or daughter in my arms. I remember with Zach and Reese. Now I look forward to this day with as much anticipation as I did our wedding day. I just don't think I'll ever let go. ; )

My mind continues to wonder about the main events of this day. Our third child's birthday. I think about when Jason and I will first hear his or her little (or hopefully loud) cry. Reese never made a sound, but what a shout her life made and continues to be.

I want this day to be filled with joy and praise, not worry or fear. Tears of happiness and not of despair. A day and a baby covered with prayer.

Only GOD knows the exact day, the hour, the minute, (and everything that may happen) but we are thrilled to announce our next baby should arrive in July.

WE ARE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!!!

July 28th is my due date. One month before Reese's due date last year August 28th.

Is GOD good or what!?

Thank you thank you thank you, Jesus, for this gift of life. Laughter. Redemption.

Are you jumping up and down, crying tears of joy, and praising the LORD yet!?

I am. ; )

We're also holding our breath and clinging to hope. Here we go...

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

Psalm 116:7

From Snow to Sand & Sun

By nature I'm a planner. I used to love to plans things, make goals, stay on some kind of schedule. I still enjoy doing these things, but based on this past year it's hard not to think, "What's the use?" I know GOD created me with hopes and dreams, but He is also ultimately in control of my life. I'm learning to hold my plans loosely. ; )

Growing up our vacations were planned out to a "T," and I loved it this way. Faber, Mandy, and I always had fun wherever we went and whatever my parents planned, but goodness we were also going to learn something while we did it. ; ) My dad would even have us research our destination before we left (not in a rigid way)! It's hilarious now to think about. Some of the best vacations of my life. I loved every second.

Jason and I now travel by the seat of our pants, and I like it this way, too. Even before Reese was born, we planned to get away during the winter just us. So after the new year we booked a trip to St. Barts.

Z was well taken care of as always with his grandparents. He loves to "go" as much as Jason and I do. ; )

A few pics from our week...

Jason took this pic in his car the morning we left. Five degrees!

Bright eyed and bushy tailed. We woke up at 3 am to get to the airport. ; ) Crazy and worth it!

The yacht waiting to take us to the island

Just kidding! Here is our "ride." Oops. ; )

Sunset in St. Martin before our ferry ride to St. Barts

We made it! View from our "villa." Ahhhh...

Our first morning in Gustavia

Anse de Grand Frond (one of the many beaches)

It didn't take long for us to get used to the easy paced island life. We didn't care what time it was, turned out cell phones off, and had very little internet access. We missed Zach like crazy but knew he was having a wonderful time just like we were.

Eating dinner at The Hideaway (Chez Andy's)

Beautiful rainbow one morning

Very narrow roads. Jason loved the island driving, of course.

Our villa and tiny car

Eden Rock on St. John beach

The airport was right by St. John beach. Jason of course loved watching planes land and take off.

See the plane landing? Lower middle of this pic

Gustavia harbor

Eden Rock

Another addition of mine to Reese's name gallery

Jason wrote Reese's name in the sand and said, "Only here for a moment" as the water erased her name away. Just like her life. It was really sweet.

We were so so sad to leave. The days went by way too quickly.

Good bye, St. Barts!

This plane flew over us as we were driving to the ferry. Pretty close!

Thank you, LORD, for an amazing week to get away from the cold weather and everyday life. Jason and I loved every second together and coming home to see our Zach.

For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will not lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late.

Habakkuk 2:3