Sunday in worship we took part in the LORD's Supper, and as a church body did something I have never seen before. A little background...Jason and I were running late yesterday, so we sat in the balcony. I think we have been up there a total of three times in seven years, but we wanted to slip in unnoticed.
Fifteen banners were set up all over the sanctuary with names of GOD such as Messiah, Friend, Faithful and True, etc. Each person or family was to go to the banner that GOD had been to them this past year and take part of the elements.
Jason and I are living through the hardest year of our lives (or really the past eight months), so as I read through all of the names and descriptions of GOD in our program my eyes fell to Majesty on High: "GOD has been sovereign with all the events in our life even though we may not have understood them."
I then looked up and guess what banner was right in front of us? Majesty on High. We were already right where we needed to be. Wow. Coincidence? Not a chance.
A new friend of mine who has a little girl in Heaven recently wrote in an email, "The ache is deeper than I thought possible and yet Christ is more real." Perfectly said!
Since Reese went to Heaven I have cried out time and time again, "LORD, can't I be this close to You without all of the pain and heartache? Can't I know Your presence this deeply, feel Your comfort this closely, and see You work in amazing ways with Reese in my arms?" Obviously His answer to me concerning Reese is "No." I love feeling GOD so close to my heart during this time, but the pain is great and the tears seem endless.
He knows how difficult it is for me to see Christmas card pictures of happy families with one little boy and one little girl. It's what our Christmas card would have looked like this year with Reese. GOD knows I desperately need His faithfulness and embrace. His grace is endless.
I'm so thankful for GOD's constant affirmation in my life. That He loves Jason, me, and Zach. That He is always here. He sees my vulnerable places. He is not letting us go.
Bless your hearts for reading my blog. I know it's your choice to be with me on this crazy roller coaster of emotions, and I am amazed at the constant love and support we receive.
More pictures of Reese's beautiful name...I wanted to share her Christmas pictures while it's the season, so if you haven't seen yours yet, don't worry. I love sharing Reese's name gallery pictures and will show each one in time!
Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.
Luke 13:35
I love you precious sister. As I read your post, I am once again praying for you and also praising the Lord for YOUR faithfulness to HIM. It amazes me. I miss my precious niece. I am excited for the day I get to hold her again. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the ornament hooks, SOOOO CUTE!
ReplyDeleteWOW, God surely has his unique and awesome ways of letting his presence be known and this is evidence!!! This was beautiful!!!! :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteI love how He guides and directs us, even when at first it seems to us it's all just very random. Sitting you directly in front of His banner for you - so very like Him. Reminds me of this passage in Deuteronomy that God spoke to Moses and then Moses spoke to His people. "Be strong and courageous, for you must go into this land the LORD has given you. The LORD Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." (from Deuteronomy 31). This season of your life is only part of the "land the LORD has given you" - do not be discouraged. Remember, what He gives us is good. And Jeremiah 29 - oh what promise that passage holds...hope and a future! May He give us eyes of faith when we need them most to see even a glimpse with His eyes to help us see past our tear-blurred perspective - He sees the big picture - keep trusting Him with it. Love you and as always, praying and holding on to the HOPE.
ReplyDeleteOh after the beautiful story of your seats in church the bloomers made me cry... there's nothing like holding a little bum and I am so sorry you arn't holding Reese's! I'm praying this season has some beautifully bright spots for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteKatie - that is an amazing story! You are in still in my thoughts and prayers. It must be so hard to be a mom to Zach while mourning for Reese. Your faithfulness to God constantly amazes me and gives me the desire to grow in my relationship with Christ. You are bringing so many people closer to God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
ReplyDeleteWhat a neat thing for the church to do! We are praying for you and Jason daily.
ReplyDeleteIt continues to amaze me that during these dark hours, you are seeing GOD everywhere. I love that you know it's not coincidence that you were sitting where you were sitting. I am praying for you all, each day. Thanks for sharing your emotions~not sure I'd be strong enough to do that. I am grateful that I have had the opportunity to get to "know" you in blog world. May GOD bless your family richly during this Christmas season and next year. BTW~how awesome is it that Reese gets to spend her first Christmas celebrating with Jesus?
ReplyDeleteOh Katie - Your focus on what God is teaching you - how He blesses you- never ceases to amaze me. Only in eternity will you know how those lessons have impacted those of us who are benefiting from them. Reese has touched more lives through her death that you will ever know. What a reunion you will someday have. I can see it now.......
ReplyDeleteKatie -
ReplyDeleteI wanted to send you a card this year and I almost didn't and then at the last minute did because I wanted you to know I was thinking of you but my heart ached because I did have a little girl on my card and I wanted so badly for you to have Reese at 3 or 4 months smiling on yours. I prayed over the card as I mailed it to you because I know that as fun as Christmas cards are .....they can be heartbreaking for others. Thinking of you in this season when joy is hard to come when you must feel so much loss. May God be so near to you.
Sweet Katie,
ReplyDeleteI love that you share your heart and your "real" emotions. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of your journey. I am praying for you, Jason, Zach, and all those who are close to your sweet family. I can only imagine how hard each day is, especially these close to Christmas. Merry Christmas!
Hugs and prayers!!
Katie - I don't remember how I found your blog but I have been following your journey for some time now. I am amazed by your faith in HIM and how it is getting you through, what I would guess, is the most pain you will ever know in your life. My heart aches for your pain and I continue to pray that God will continue to hold you all close. You inspire me to grow in my relationship with Christ and I thank you for that. Hold your family close this Christmas season and know you are loved and prayed for by friends you will probably never know. God bless you and your family, Katie.
ReplyDeletethis post gave me chills! i am constantly amazed by your faithfulness to our God even through the hardest time in your life. thinking of you this Christmas season. so glad you have zack!! blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteWhat amazes me is ...Katie has such a way of writing ...I read and get upset for her ...I want to take away her pain/fix the hurt ...knowing that I cannot ...and I continue to read ...and by the end ...her Faith is so amazing ...it not only gets her thru those moments ...but strengthens my own Faith at the same time!
ReplyDeleteWOW! THat gave me chills about the flag at church!!! Amazing! I love all the reese names pics too! So wonderful how many people want to share that with you! Merry Christmas Katie! I am so glad that we have become friends and I look forward to getting to know you more in 2010!! :)
ReplyDeleteGod's fingerprints are EVERYWHERE!!! How amazing that God is in every detail of our lives! Praying as always!!
ReplyDeleteI was crying by paragraph two this time.
ReplyDeleteI'm praising Him for being EXACTLY what you need, when you need it, and for making Himself known in the smallest of details. Praying for your family during this season, Katie.
I love all of the pictures in Reese's name gallery. I'm still trying to come up with mine to contribute. :)
Merry Christmas!
((hugs))
I love what you guys did in church. That is an awesome way to really reflect on all that He is and that He is all for us, whatever we need.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a Merry Christmas - I know it will be filled with emotions. Thinking of you guys and will be praying for you this week.
You are such a strong, amazing person. You closeness with God inspires me, as do your words that I read. What a wonderful mommy you are. Hope you have a blessed Christmas.
ReplyDeleteI love that God brought me to this blog...your faith, hope, and endurance to live your life 100% for God is a great example to me. I pray that God will sustain you this Christmas. Blessings to you and your WHOLE family...
ReplyDeleteLena
All I can think about at this time for us is, "For such a time as this." For some reason, God's perfect plan is for us to deal with precious loss. FOR HIS GLORY!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your honesty. If our church had a balcony I am sure I would be there often to get away on Sundays.
I am honored to read and follow your blog and most of all to pray for you!!! You are a precious soul and I hold you very closely in all of my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDear Katie,
ReplyDeleteI am so touched by your unbreakable faith. You inspire me much more than you can ever imagine!!!
Merry Christmas.
What a beautiful post! God has a unique way of showing his presence! I can't believe you were standing right in front of the sign you needed to be at! AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteHave a blessed Christmas!
Summer :0)
What an awesome God we serve! The Lord's Supper story is wonderful! God cares so much about you...
ReplyDeleteI love the pictures.
Praying for you, Katie!
I have followed your blog this year through your journey of pain and living through the loss of Reese here on earth. I am amazed at your strength, and have been truly grounded in my faith by your story. I just wanted to share and wish your family a Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you sister in Christ! Looking at those ornaments makes me happy and sad at the same time. I see those ornaments on a special little tree just for Reese next year. Maybe you could find a red tree to put them on? :) You and your family will be in my prayers over this next, very hard but very joyful week!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet, sweet post that was. I just came across your blog and was so encouraged by it. I wrote a post recently about the wounds we experience here on earth. Thank the Lord they are not wasted!!!
ReplyDeleteMay you continue to rest in Him!
http://www.justhisbest.com/2009/12/he-has-never-ever-wasted-wound.html
Katie--I just found your blog from Rebekah, who is doing a giveaway today for 25 giveaways. Anyway, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am aboutyour beautiful little Reese. Your story has touched me. I had an emergency Csection under local as well and the experience was very traumatic. So many things I don't let my mind t hink about. Your pictures from the NICU look so similar to mine. The story just heartbreaking and tragic. You are so graceful in your blogging and the pics you share are beautiful...your family, the name gallery, everything.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say hi and I hope you have some peace this holiday season. It's something I struggle with every day. You make it look easy--in a good way. I know you are broken to pieces inside. I know the pain you feel and the thoughts that overcome you...But your faith seems to be caring you through this. My heart breaks for you and your family. You are surrounded by love, it is so obvious in your blog. Hugs to you and your family.
Christy
Katie... how beautiful... what a perfect word picture... an amazing visual reminder of our incredible and loving Lord. Love you sweet precious girl! - K.C.
ReplyDeleteYou continue to amaze me! Your honesty and willingness to share your thoughts through this journey constantly challenges me to try so hard to seek the Lord in all things that I do. I have a long ways to go but will keep trying. Praying and thinking of you and your family a little more these next few days. Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeletePeace. Susan