Zach had a great time at his second Mother's Day Out today. I know he is the life of the party. ; ) He was so happy all day long which makes for a fun afternoon at home, too. Today I also felt such a mix of emotions because Jason and I picked out Reese's monument. So I was "happy with Zach Mom" and "sad about Reese Mom" at the same time. Crazy. I'm so glad GOD knows me well enough to handle all of my emotions. ; ) How comforting that He knows my heart every moment.
I told Jason that Reese has to have the best looking flowers in the Memorial Gardens. I know it's silly, but still...even though she is not here with us I long to give her the best that I can. Just as I would if she were alive.
Whom have I in Heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
I love all of the bible verses you have used throughout your blog. I wish I would have had a better relationship with the Lord when my mom passed away but instead of turning to him, I turned away in anger. I am in a better place now; not where I want to be but closer. I guess we all have our struggles with that area of our lives. Your faith is amazing to me!! It encourages me.
ReplyDeleteMelissa
Girl I totally understand the flower thing! Good thing our girls are not buried in the same place (although they may BE playing together in HEAVEN!!) are there would be some major competition! Ha! The first few times I did Tatum's flowers I just came unglued, because they didn't turn out like I wanted them too. My husband thought I was crazy, but then understood that this was the ONLY thing left I could do for her and it just had to be perfect! I have eased up a LITTLE over time, but my girl still always has the best!!
ReplyDeleteLove the verses!
ReplyDeletePraying for you...
Nothing wrong with those emotions and wanting the best for Reese. You are her Mom and will always be her Mom! Nothing can change that.
ReplyDeleteI have been following your blog since you had Reese....I am the same way about the flowers for my little girl...they have to be the prettiest ones:) and sometimes she has the largest arrangement in her area to:)..I think it is perfectly normal for us angel mommies to still want the very best for our babies..and part of the scripture you posted in this post is on her marker - Psalm 73:26 - My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
ReplyDeleteGlad Zach had a great day. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you. I would want her to have the best of everything I could give her too.
ReplyDeleteWow your faith amazes me! I am glad you had a great day with Z! Sorry it was a mixed up day with mixed emotions... You are so strong... Girl I don't blame ya on the flower thing... Make them the biggest and the brightest! Still praying for ya...
ReplyDeleteSummer
I am so glad that Z is having quite the time at Mother's Day Out and glad for you to get to have that time!! You are such an inspiration Katie!! Hope ya'll have a great Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling wanting everything at their memorial to be perfect... To me, it feels like a way we get to still "parent" our son... Still thinking and praying for you often...
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ReplyDeleteI do the same thing girl! I've told my husband that to decorate at the cemetery is all we have, all we can do for her now. If she was here, she would be spoiled rotten with toys and clothes, but to put the best flowers and decorations there, is how we can spoil her now. I have to know that it looks perfect. It just helps me, ya know? She is buried up by my inlaws and this past winter they had a bad ice storm and I told my husband to go check on her grave and fix it before I saw it because I knew with the storm, things were probably everywhere and it was not looking "perfect". He did and when I saw it, it looked like nothing had been touched! But he told me that only one thing had been blown off, he said that there were flowers blown off of other graves, but not our baby's! Also there was a huge willow tree that had blown over and should've hit her grave, but missed it completly! Isn't that amazing, how God takes care of things like that for us!
ReplyDeleteI was also going to tell you that I got a small shepard's hook and put windchimes on it and put it next to her. I change them out pretty often, it makes it so much more peaceful when we visit her. :-)
And I'm so in agreeance, her monument is going to be the prettiest one. Fit for a princess :)
ReplyDeletethat verse that says "my flesh and heart faileth but God is my strength and portion forever, is one that the Lord used to speak to my heart about Joel, his little heart stopped but now God is his portion forever! and He is Reese's too!!
ReplyDeleteLike you, I still like to "do" things for Joel. On his and Josiah's BD, the 13th of Sept. I always get a Willow Tree figurine in his memory and Josiah opens it. Its just the mommy part of us! and it is a way to grieve with a sort of happiness that we can still do some things for them.
Cindy
Simply beautiful. I hope you take pictures b/c I'd love to see the beautiful flowers you pick. I'd be the same way, I'd want to see them shine as far as I could see :)
ReplyDeleteI remember after my little brother was killed, just going to his spot in the cemetery and wiping the dirt or the cut grass from his name plate. My mama always makes sure the flowers are top notch, but something in this little act of cleaning the grooves and clearing it off allowed me to feel like I could still care for him in some way.
ReplyDeleteI'm still praying for you and your family. You are an inspiration.
My grandma makes sure that my grandpa's gravesite always has the best flowers. She even goes and waters them a couple of times a week. She also takes a rag with her and wipes off any bird droppings that happen to fall on his stone or the memorial bench. She said that he was meticulously clean throughout his life and she will continue for it to be that way since his death.
ReplyDeleteI thought of you as I passed the Memorial Gardens the other day. I looked for the duck-ducks. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Katie. I am sure you picked out the perfect monument and I KNOW you will visit often with flowers equally as beautiful as your little Angel in Heaven. It was really hard for me to pick out my Dad's Monument, but loved it. You will always be glad you put so much thought into it. Sending hugs and wishes for more and more little moments that make you smile.
ReplyDeleteThat is a beautiful bible verse!! How comforting to know that HE knows our hearts at every moment.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about you yesterday as I listened to "Audrey's Song" from Selah's new album, and it hit me how very strong you are despite how weak you may feel some (or all) of the time. That you can still be such an amazing mother to your son in the midst of the most difficult time in anyone's life is so amazing and beautiful to me. You are truly and inspiration to those who think that life is too hard or poses too many difficulties.
ReplyDeleteI cannot begin to imagine your pain, but your strength, faith and beauty in spite of struggle are humbling to those of us who read about you and your life.
God bless you! You truly are one that spreads the word of God and makes Him clear.
So glad you and Zach are still enjoying MDO and that he is growing used to being there.
ReplyDeleteI am sure you will find the perfect flowers for Reese and your right your beautiful angel does deserve the best.
So glad you continue to find comfort in His word and that He is touching others by you sharing it here on your blog.
IN my prayers
Daily laying it at the Master's feet!
Laura Ann