Thanksgiving

I hope everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving with family and friends. Jason and I were surrounded by our families for a few days, and it was nice to be together although the actual day was very difficult. I'm so glad it's over. One big holiday to check off my list of "firsts" without Reese.

Her marker came in before Thanksgiving, and the stone is much better. Thank you all for being concerned about this!

Zach and Abby were hilarious together. They chased each other around every day saying, "Zachy" or "Abba."

It's for you, Abba.

Shannon, Cody, Jason, and I went to a candle lighting service last night in honor of Reese. The roads were lined with candles at the Memorial Gardens, and we also had a candle placed on Reese's marker.

It was a stunning sight.

Reese's name was called out along with all of the other people who have passed away this year. As I heard her name Reese Catherine Rowe being "officially" called, I thought to myself how much I love hearing her name. Then I thought about how we will never hear her name spoken at her kindergarten, high school, or college graduations. Never see her walk across that stage.

I try to imagine how beautiful her name sounded on the lips of GOD in Heaven when He called her home. I almost wish we could have heard Him. He must have been so pleased with her life.

I will always be so thankful I am Zach and Reese's mom.

This is what the LORD says—

He who created you...

He who formed you...

I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.

Isaiah 43:1

Word Cloud

Thank you for your prayers for us this Thanksgiving week.

Thank you for letting us into your lives. You give me hope through Scripture, prayers, and sharing what GOD is doing because of Reese.

My sweet friends who have babies in Heaven...you are all heavy on my heart as we feel so many of the exact same feelings. I prayed for each of you yesterday. I know it was a day full of bittersweet emotions. I can't even describe how painful yesterday was for me.

One of my BU roomies did this word cloud a few months ago. I tried to post it then, but I couldn't. Somehow I figured it out. ; )

Isn't this wonderful? She said she loves how the word life is bigger than death. Me, too.

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the LORD

in the land of the living.

Psalm 27:13

Nightmare

Sometimes things do not hit me until I read them. Make sense? The other day I was reading about another woman who lost a baby. She said, "We are living every parents' worse nightmare, and we are surviving." Wow, is this what we are doing? Are we living though ever parents' nightmare? I cannot speak for every parent, but it struck me in a whole new way what we are experiencing.

I'm not sure Jason and I are surviving, but we are loving deeper, laughing more with every smile Zach gives us, and cherishing every moment with each other more than ever before. Sometimes I've even a bit "needy." Ha! Hard to admit. I can't help that I don't want to let Jason out of my sight. He is some kind of special to me. Though Satan's attacks are brutal and constant, GOD holds us steady.

I recently heard a song I had to share. It speaks so perfectly of what happened to us with Reese and who we are holding onto. About GOD's answers...His yes AND His no. We received a "No" from GOD to have a long life with Reese on earth as our daughter, but we still have to trust Him just as much as when His answer is "Yes." Easier said than done, I know, but oh, how He is faithful!

I could say so much more, but I'll let you listen to the words. The song is Waiting Room by Jonny Diaz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8Gxv9CRRVM

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and thank you thank you for all of your prayers.

He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.

They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.

Psalm 107:29 - 30

Party Pics

Zach had a very happy birthday. Thank you for all of the sweet wishes!

Isn't his cake cute? It was decorated with a train on the side. I also ordered train suckers because Z is just now loving them. Although they usually end up everywhere other than his mouth. ; )

More cake please!?

Yum!

On a date already!? I don't think so! Z's friend AG hopped in to help him push the pedals. He'll be able to reach them one day. ; )

Every good and perfect gift is from above...

James 1:17

Reese's Name Gallery #9

We love seeing Reese's name in all of these creative ways! From all different states and even Australia we feel the love. ; ) We will never get tired of seeing her precious name. Thank you thank you.

Sweet name in the sand

Stairway to Heaven

Bath letters

Flowers

Acorns

We give thanks to You, O God, we give thanks, for Your Name is near...

Psalm 75:1

Zach is TWO!

Happy Birthday, our little wild man!

We love you more than you know and praise the LORD you are our son. You bring so much joy and laughter to our lives. We can't wait to tell you one day all about your little sister Reese and how you have helped us through these past few months.

This song touches my heart and soul. I imagine Reese feeling this way and saying, "Mom and Dad, you wouldn't cry if you could see everything I see in Heaven."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSyR3DWl998

We know you are celebrating with us in Heaven today, Reese.

I Myself will make all My goodness pass before you, and will proclaim the name of the LORD before you; and I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show compassion on whom I will show compassion.

Exodus 33:19

Our Father's Love

A friend passed this on to me, and I wanted to share it with you. Think of GOD saying these words to you.

To My precious child...

I wish you could see things the way that I see them. I wish you knew how tightly I truly hold you in My hands. I really have you on the forefront of My mind. I have sent My Spirit to be with you in time of crisis, and in time of desperation. I saw you cry. So badly I wanted to wrap My arms around you and wipe every tear from your eyes. I was with you, I am with you.

I know you struggle with the circumstances of life. Trust me, this is not how I wanted your life to go. But, I will fulfill My promise; you will have life, and life to the fullest. You will soar, and you will have victory. When I created you, I created you with a purpose. I can't wait for you to see what I have for you, I just can't wait!

I see you struggling, I see you trying to create an end to the madness. But don't be afraid for I am with you. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. You can trust me with your life. I created you, I will protect you. If you could only see the process, and see the outcome you wouldn't give up. Not yet. You're so close, you're so close. (I love that last sentence). ; )

Satan wants nothing less than for you to hate Me. Don't forget that. He hates everything that is good. I am turning what he intended for evil into something greater than you could ever imagine. That's why you can't see the outcome of this, because it isn't fathomable. It's really that great! I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to give you a HOPE and FUTURE! Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I would never harm you. You are too precious to me! This is only a season of your life. This isn't going to define your life, this is only going to be the beginning of what is truly life. Oh the plans I have in store for those who love Me.

Seek Me with your whole heart. I have not hidden Myself from you. I am always here, and I have been with you from the beginning. Oh My precious child, how much I love you. I got this. Rest in My arms, I am worthy to be trusted. I know you're tired, just lean up against Me and breathe...take a moment and breathe. Feel My love for you.

I haven't forgotten you. I will fulfill the promises for your life. Greater things are still to come. Love, your Heavenly Father.

I pray that you...may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ...

Ephesians 3:17-18

Yee Haw

This weekend Jason and I went to our church's Barn Bash. We had a BBQ, boot scootin', bull ridin' good time. ; )

My love & me

Cody & Shannon

I think I've discovered a hidden talent. ; ) I came in second place (females) with a best time of 30 seconds riding this silly bull. Hilarious.

My secret? I got so mad at that crazy bull trying to buck me off I clamped on with my legs and hung on for dear life!

My cowboy

Just for fun. ; )

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven...A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance...

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4

Reese's Name Gallery #8

Thank you for your amazing words, prayers, and name gallery pictures. Each picture is perfect! You bless us each day.

Pumpkins and gourds

Her pics within letters

Flowers

Buttons

Outdoor letters (I'm sure there is a much more creative name than this, but I have no idea!)

Happy three months in Heaven, Reesie.

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place
and gave Him the name that is above every name...

Philippians 2:9

Angels in our Midst

GOD gave me the sweetest gift. I love it when He shows up in my details.

Zach is loving Little People these days and already playing with a LP nativity. He loves to play with them in his crib before his nap, but lately they have been doing more harm than good by distracting him from sleeping. So before one of his naps, I hid all of them except an angel. No reason for this, it was the only one that was left after I'd hidden all of the others. I put the angel in his crib so at least he would have one of his LP.

I usually do not check on him during his naps, but for some reason this day I did. This is what I saw...

Zach placed this angel right in the middle of his crib facing him.

I know Reese is not an angel, but it was as if GOD said, "See, she's here in your home. She's watching over her big brother Z."

So neat of the LORD to do.

Three months ago today Reese came in our lives, and we will never be the same. I'm so thankful GOD chose Jason and me to be her parents. I love her I love her and can't wait to hold her in my arms again.

How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with You.

Psalm 139:17 - 18

Rory's Garden

Reese's marker came in wrong. EXTREMELY. TERRIBLY. WRONG.

I saw it even before I got out of my car at the memorial gardens. The granite is the wrong color. I completely lost it.

I did what any other normal angry heartbroken mama would do. I kicked my car, banged my fist on the steering wheel a few times, and called Jason and my mom crying hysterically. Really.

The mistake was made at the manufacturers, and we have been very pleased with the memorial gardens we chose for Reese. But seriously. We've waited six weeks for her marker to come in, and now we have to wait six more!? Can anything go right?

After I pulled myself together, I ordered Zach's birthday cake from a bakery and searched for the most beautiful silk flowers I have ever seen for Reese's vase. While driving in my car I listened to Selah's You Deliver Me as high as my volume would go. My heart kept crying out, "Deliver me, LORD. I know you are good" over and over.

What a morning.

This is the best I could do before I picked Z up from MDO. I am pleased, but I still want to work on it a bit.

On a much softer and lighter note, Sarah added Reese's flower to Rory's Garden. Isn't it wonderful!?

Thoughtful gifts like this bring a sweetness to our hearts. Our raw feelings from Reese's short life on earth are not as overwhelming as they used to be, but the ache is greater and grows deeper with each day. The longing for Reese and depth of our pain still makes my stomach drop. Sometimes I feel as if I can't breathe. It comforts us greatly to know how much others love Reese, are thinking of her, and doing amazing things like this to remember her.

Bless your heart if you have read this post. I'm a mess.

As for man, his days are like grass: he flourishes like a flower of the field.

Psalm 103:15

Jesus

One of the reasons I love Jesus is because even in my darkest moments, He is with me.

I'm so thankful for Jason and my little ray of sunshine. ; )

Cheese!

Chillin'

Zach even makes an appearance in Reese's name gallery.

Seriously, Mom.

I love the LORD, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy.

Psalm 116:1